Month: November 2015

Adele’s fear of Black Friday, and how French Onion dip helped.

Posted on by Hosehead

There is a weird sense of satisfaction that goes over somebody’s face when you call them a filthy animal.

Black Friday has come and gone. When you don’t work in the retail world it’s just another day. If you do work in the retail world, it’s a massacre on the senses. You get home from work and pour yourself a stiff drink. Your wife approaches you slowly. Touches you on your shoulder, you flinch slightly. She asks you how your day was, you sit in silence. You shower with your head down. Listening to Adele until the pain begins to subside. As you look up, you see the shadow of Boxing Day coming down the street. It’s about to all begin again. Then a hefty pay cheque comes. Life is good again.

I haven’t been involved in all that many pillow fights. But I remember one distinctly. Somebody put a stuffed animal in their pillow to give it more weight. Somebody got hit with the eye of the stuffed animal through the pillow case. It was my first memory of somebody using an illegal object in a match. This person wasn’t allowed any grape pop and had to be the New York Islanders in NHL 95.

Going to the afternoon movies by yourself is underrated. Especially when most of the crowd is of the older generation. Eating popcorn one by one, and sipping on their small diet coke. It was my kind of crowd.

Room – 9.5/10

One of the best movies that I have seen this year. About a girl that was abducted 7 years ago and ends up having a child. One room is all the child has ever seen. It’s also from the prospective of the child. Brie Larson should be up for a best actress nomination in my opinion.

I don’t know what’s wrong with the Green Bay Packers. It’s like trying to explain why some people like the smell of gasoline.

Top 3 things that when I am driving that make me upset that I feel bad about

1. Getting upset at an elderly person crossing the road when I am trying to turn left. You just want to pick them up and carry them to the other side.
2. Driving directly behind a city bus, and coming up to a railway track. “I have never seen a damn train ever on this track. Why are we still stopping? Just in case a two man push/pully comes through?”
3. Cyclists – I know, I know. You have no room at all in the Tri-Cities, but when you beat me to where I am going because I am in a traffic jam it upsets me.

There are many people that I have talked to that believe they could be a stand-up comedian. You just think to yourself “there is no fu**ing way.” This is the point where you want to call them out. But then you have to give them a few minutes to bumble through a fart joke. So, the lesson here is that you just agree that they could do it.

Sometimes I am selfish. There are times when I wish a band wouldn’t succeed quite as much so they will come to Kitchener for a concert.

As a species we can be dull. Constantly complaining about things that we don’t have any control over or don’t know the facts about. Never creating something for yourself. Something that you haven’t seen, heard, or read before. Just regurgitating things that you see online that are the same right wing or left wing idea that’s in your head. It’s so bloody boring.

The Maze Runner – Scorch Trials (I fell asleep with 30 min to go. This will give you an idea of the rating that it’s about to receive.) 2.9/10

If you enjoy watching movies with teenagers running for their lives – then this is a must see.

You know you are talking to a musician if they say Jimi Hendrix is overrated. You know you are talking to a musical snob if their top 5 albums are bands that you have never heard of.

I have explained why I was eating something bad to my cat once. They were giving me this look of shame when I opened a French onion dip and stuck my finger and just ate that. “There was only a bit left.”

Advertisement

Top 5 Albums of 2015

Posted on by Hosehead

As you know I do this every year.  No greatest hits, and no soundtracks.

Enjoy!

5.    Lower Dens – Escape from Evil

Originally I had Father John Misty slotted in this spot.  The more and more I thought about it though, I came to realize that the Lower Dens is a permanent staple in my playlist and deserves to be mentioned in the top 5 this year.  One thing that really stands out in this album is the distinct voice of Jana Hunter.  It’s a delivery that plays so well with the mood of the album.  There are tiny bits of multiple genres of music played here.  Sprinkle of Caribou, dash of New Order, and a tiny bit of XX.  The album really shines with it’s ability to balance the guitar work with the tone that the album is really trying to show off.   By far the top point of the record is To Die in LA.  The keyboard gives it a feel of a ’80s John Hughes movie, but the rest of the song feels like it’s the transition from 80’s to 90’s.   Escape from Evil is a solid play from top to bottom.  It’s mixed well, and the instruments flow together seamlessly.  It’s an unexpected pick for my top 5, but my iPod doesn’t lie.

 

4. Tame Impala – Currents

What can you say about this band that hasn’t already been said.  They are able to change styles throughout each album without missing a beat.  They still have a bit of their psychedelia in this album, but have really raised the bar when it comes to synths and keyboards.  Tame Impala have grown up.  The filler on each song isn’t just a band-aid for the song.  It’s a well thought out sound that mixes beautifully with each tune.  Kevin Parker has also raised the bar for his vocals.  Not only using his soft voice for feel, he now uses it as an instrument to in each song.  He is able to change tones to match the identity of the song.  There is only one tiny draw back to the complete change of style.  The drums have been practically removed.  Mind Mischief off of Lonerism has one of the best starts of a single in recent memory.  There are points of this album that I miss that sound.  Currents is not only a beautifully sounding album; it gives you a certain feeling.  You can’t put your finger on it, but the songs are calculated perfectly and the talent of this band really shows up on this record.

 

3 – Jose Gonzalez – Vestiges and Claws

I try not to be bias when I write my top 5.  It’s very difficult to do this when your favourite artist constantly puts out masterpieces regardless if he is solo or with Junip.  Classic guitar style with maybe the best voice in the business.   There is having high-hopes for an album then there is what I had for this record.  Jose is a magician on the acoustic, and the weird thing about it – he makes it look so easy.  Like he just sat down on his couch and came up with a song in 10 minutes.  If you enjoy acoustic of any sort and haven’t really had a listen to his catalog of music.  Give yourself a full day to be submersed into his world.  Every single thing about the album gives me chills.  Whether it be the smoothness of each note, to his outstanding ability to lull you into a dream without actually putting you to sleep.  The only reason why this isn’t number one is because it’s an extension off of his previous solo stuff.  It’s gorgeous and will make you feel fantastic.

 

Sufjan Stevens – Carrie and Lowell

Welcome back Sufjan.  You ventured off in a different direction.  I applaud you for broadening your horizons, but we really need you back.  The Age of Adz was a good album, it wasn’t exactly my cup of tea, but I understood why people enjoyed it.  Stevens has a magical way of making his music sound like everything that you would want an orchestra to be.  Using instruments that would be odd for others, but for him is just another way to process what’s going on in his head.  It’s difficult to describe to other people what Sufjan sounds like.  You either get it or you don’t.  Throw on Illinoise for details.  Carrie and Lowell is a striped down back to earth album.  It’s using everything that works without going to far off of the tracks.  Stevens voice is absolutely gorgeous throughout this album.  Pausing and expressing tones at perfect times within the record.  After listening to Carrie and Lowell I expect to feel sad, but it’s actually the complete opposite.  Beautiful album that cannot be rushed through.

 

  1.  Kurt Vile – B’lieve I’m Goin Down

You ever sit down and start to just think of lyrics without actually jotting them down?  They sound absolutely perfect in your head.  You have a sound that you want the guitar to make that would sound wonderful with what you just wrote, but then you actually begin to play, and you can’t make it work.  Kurt Vile made it work.  This album is a masterpiece.  It’s a story that was written without a pause or a second thought.  Like a slice of your life that was cut out and somebody made a soundtrack to it.  His guitar work is perfect.  Vile has always been great at creating a mood for his music, but there are times when he can be a bit to dark.  This album is a weight on your subconscious.  It’s not something that you can just throw on in the background at a party.  It needs your full attention from top to bottom. Have a listen to “That’s Life Tho,”  It’s the best song of the year, and this the best album of the year hands down.

 

Snowfall, starts and ends with Rick Moranis

Posted on by Hosehead

Fruit Roll-Ups were nearly the best thing to ever get in your lunch while growing up. Everybody knew that it was terrible to have something that was made of sugar stuck to your teeth for 3 hours after eating it, but they were so delicious.

Fell down the stairs today at 6am getting ready to go to the gym. It’s always humorous to me after falling down the stairs. You give yourself about 10 seconds to make sure that you are not seriously injured by making the Peter Griffin noises when he gets hit with something in the knee.

First snowfall is always pretty to look at. Until you hear that familiar sound of the scraper against the window. They should make a Canadian horror movie with that as part of the soundtrack. The man that couldn’t get his windshield clean, starring Rick Moranis.

I am buying a PS4 at some point in the near future. I really do miss video games. I miss creating my own character in baseball, and having the most beautiful mustache in the major leagues.

There is always that kid in gym class that had the ugliest of running styles, but was super quick. He was also the same kid that was just a bit too intense at floor hockey time. “Dude, just relax, don’t take slap-shots from 4 feet away.”

Danny Collins – 7.7/10
Hunger Games: Mockingjay – 7.9/10

Does anybody actually enjoy card tricks? It doesn’t happen very often to me, but when somebody approaches looking to do a card trick there is no way out. It’s not just the trick that usually sucks. It’s the small-talk that you have to make after. Where do you go with the conversation after? You can’t ask them how they did it. And you know nothing about them. “So… Do you like stuff?”

Last night was our holiday party. Great time, wonderful food, amazing people. They provided the over the limit service as well. My car was driven home for me. Not sure there is a better service than this. There is nothing worse than leaving your car at Modean’s Roadhouse for the night, and having to take that walk of shame the next morning to get it. Walking down the sidewalk of sorrow as you approach the house that Pick built.

Are there people that drink champagne on a regular basis? Seems like the cap exploding off of the bottle would be a weird sound to hear while watching Pawn Stars.

If there is ever a time that you need to look important. Walk very quickly with the cell phone up to your ear looking for signal. Ha, Ha, Ha, Business!

Crocs are still the worst. It’s a mix of a shoe, a rubber boot, and your dignity.

As a younger lad there was never a challenge that I took to heart more than being asked to make a mixed disc for somebody. It was very similar to filling out a lineup for a baseball team. Numbers 3 and 4 were always the heavy hitters, and the leadoff was always to get the blood going. If you have never felt these things while making a mixed disc – you probably like shitty music.

Books sometimes have it tough. There is just too much competition in the average household. Internet, TV, and video games make it a goliath type triumph if a book gets to be finished. But there is something about being submersed into a fantastic book. I am going to the library right now…. And I have $32.00 in late fees…. This is the vicious cycle of picking your entertainment.

I am starting to see friends on Facebook that you can tell are beginning to develop into crusty old people. There is always something to complain about. It’s almost like they like bad things happening; because they need something to complain about. What a tiring life that must be.

Damn landlord didn’t ice down the stairs this morning at 5am. I could have broken my damn neck. It’s their responsibility to get things like that taken care of. I should dock $50.00 from my rent for the hassle that I had to go through. This is very exhausting.

Happy Sunday! Packers play the Vikings today in an epic Smith versus Dhooma rivalry. There is usually no victor when these matchups happen. The Packers win, and Sara tells me to do the laundry.

Squirrels shooting up Omega 3’s in Palm Springs with Leo DiCaprio

Posted on by Hosehead

It’s difficult to access the part of my brain that is meant for humour right now. But I will not let anyone affect my life because of their senseless actions. Pause for everyone that has been involved in any type of terrorist attack.

Was sent to Palm Springs recently by work. I can sum up all you need to know about Palm Springs by letting you know that a man that was at the table beside me fell asleep sitting up at the airport while waiting for his food. The waitress gave him the quiet “sir” to wake him from his slumber. He went directly to eating his food and drinking his beer when he awoke.

Marco Estrada for 2yrs/26 million. Yup, all day.

Found out that Leo DiCaprio purchased a house in Palm Springs recently. Was hoping to gain access to his entourage. I feel that I would be a good add to his group. I don’t have any skills in particular, but I could always tell him how handsome he looked, and that he was robbed at the Oscars again.

Omega 3 pills that say that they don’t have a fishy after taste, should actually say that it only has 2 hours of fishy aftertaste.

I really enjoy eating fish, but I hate being that guy that makes the whole lunch room reek like tilapia. Even though I do like to count how many people bring up that it smells like fish in the lunch-room.

Squirrels can’t figure out what’s going on. They have all of their nuts ready to rock and roll for the winter, but the weather is still fairly decent – so they decided that they would just play chicken with my car each and every day.

When your wife says to you that you are getting onto a bus to go on a Tomb Raider amazing race type of thing you always say yes.

Is there an alternate universe where Wes Anderson is directing a Transformers movie?

James Bond: Spectre – 7.7/10
Entourage – 4.5/10
Vacation – 5.3/10

Entourage and Vacation were basically my only options on the plane. Entourage seems about as outdated as a Maxim Magazine with Meg Ryan on the cover.

Ronda Rousey lost her fight last night and the internet exploded. I don’t watch UFC whatsoever, but that kick to the face made me cringe.

You know what movie makes me angry – “Up.” You can’t have a man trying to hide his tears at the start of the movie. You have to play it cool for the rest of the hour and a half of the movie. At least in other movies, you can go to the kitchen and grab a beer, open chip bags, or walk the dog; because it’s at the end. “Up” gives you no chance. Sara sees right through that “there is something in my eye” line. Then you receive that “oh, it’s ok hug” which only makes it worse.

I was picked up at the airport on Friday. My driver had one and only one interest. Talking about traffic. I have never had an hour long conversation about traffic before. I didn’t even know it was possible. He didn’t even fall for my pretending to sleep move, the conversation about traffic must continue.

Top 3 things that I can’t see James Bond doing.

3 – Eating a Schneiders Hot-Dog.  No hot-dog cooking method seems right for 007.

2 – Having diarrhea – even the Mongolian Grill wouldn’t get through that iron stomach.

1 – Singing along at a Toby Keith concert – Red Solo Cup sung by Bond?

I can’t end the blog on this note.  I was once attacked by my cat that I had to hide behind a chair.  The cat paced out front of the chair taunting me, and then faked walking off.  When I thought the coast was clear that cat leaped out of nowhere onto my leg.  I shuffled around the room trying to get the cat off of my leg.  The worst part about this day was that I was hungover and I think the cat sensed that.  It tormented me at my weakest moment.

Precise Gymnastics with Wil Wheaton at an Electric Six concert

Posted on by Hosehead

Whoever makes the Girl Guide Cookies made a big mistake by changing the recipe. We all taste the difference, and are disappointed with the end result. I will still buy them, but I am no longer going to buy the 6 boxes at once.

We were able to go trick or treating around the office at Halloween time. People had candy out on their desk to be able to scoop up. We made the calculated decision to go at lunch hour so that we wouldn’t have to see that “maybe you shouldn’t take that extra one; because everybody needs a chance to get one” look on their face when they weren’t there.

Electric Six are coming to town again. This is one of the best bands to see live. Energy, fantastic riffs, and the fact that only about 20 people are in the crowd are all excellent reasons to see them.

I once went as MC Hammer to a bar in my home town for Halloween. I remember very little about this evening, but I do remember that most people thought I was Aladdin. Until Can’t Touch This came on. The crowd went into a frenzy as I shuffled across the floor with extreme precision. It is still talked about to this day by the locals.

Anybody else have an uneasy feeling while walking on train tracks? And it’s only because of Stand by Me that I have these feelings. And the fact that Wil Wheaton is everywhere makes me always think of this.

Yesterday, part of the family won an experience put on by Xbox Canada. It was a real life Lara Croft: Tomb Raider experience on a farm in Uxbridge. We competed against other teams in events like Axe Throwing, Rock Climbing, and Arrow Shooting. It was a fantastic event, and an extremely tough workout. And if you guessed that I am amazing at axe throwing you would be guessing right. If you guessed that I would be great at arrow shooting. Well…

I have only ate too many marsh-mellows once. It was once too many. There are certain things that you throw-up that make it look like you should go to the hospital. Marsh-mellows are one of those items. So is clamato juice.

Keith Urban stated recently that he wished he would have wrote the song “Pretty Pimpin” by Kurt Vile. Respect level has risen to 3 out of 100 for Keith Urban.

Black Sabbath is on tour. I remember seeing them when I was in college 15-20 years ago. They were fu**ing old then.

One of the groups that were part of the Xbox event was a band. They were all dressed in leather jackets with the band’s name on the back of their jackets. Each band member had the exact same haircut of the shaved underneath, grown over look while wearing shades in the pouring rain. I saw one band member reading a book. It was called: The Douchebag guide to all things douchey.

The Gift – 7.7/10
End of the Tour – 8.2/10

The Gift is a decent thriller with a few twists and turns about a man having his past coming back to haunt him.

The End of the Tour is a Rolling Stone story that never saw the light of day. Based on an interview done with a well-known author who committed suicide.

I am off to Palm Springs, California for work tomorrow. I hope it snows here.

We all had that person that called you buy your brother’s name. Mine was my gym teacher. The unfortunate part was that my brother was a better athlete then I was. I overheard some of his comments. “Why can’t Smith dribble? When did he get so bad at floor hockey? I don’t remember him being so graceful in gymnastics.”