Harrison Ford slipping into a hot tub on this New Years Eve

Started to watch Star Wars Return of the Jedi. Puppet dance party with Princess Leia in a bikini and Harrison Ford frozen in carbonite? This is Fear and Loathing in Space.

I hope your Christmas was excellent. I think people are aging backwards. Many of my friends were ecstatic about receiving action figures while many of my friends bought their kids iPads and cell phones.

You never realize how hard your parents work putting dinner together until you actually watch them in action. There are many steps to making the perfect meal. I would be in bed by 8pm if I had to put together the dinner on my own.

I have purchased a PS4. I am extremely excited to be able to be able to shut my brain off for a minimum of 1 hour each day. You age 20 years at once if you are just able to watch the news and work out.

You never really think having a certain soap for washing bedding will make a difference until you wash your sheets with Gain. It feels like I am diving into a bed of dandelions after sipping on the nectar of the Gods while listening to Jose Gonzalez sing nursery rhymes to me when I go to sleep now.

Farm Boy is a new supermarket that opened recently. Two things really standout about it. It has the best soups in the city, and they have a swinging mechanical monkey above the bananas. Both things make me extremely happy.

Howler monkeys in Costa Rica do throw poop. This is not a myth. Sara got a few of them riled up by making monkey noises at them. They were reaching for their backside when we decided to go back into our little shed. We thought we were in the clear, but then they began to throw things onto the roof. Sara thought this was humorous. Daryl did not.

Hateful Eight – 9.1/10
Shaun the Sheep – 7.6/10
Spotlight – 9.8/10

Spotlight is the best movie of the year. It’s about the Catholic Church cover up of all the child abuse that has been happening over the years, and the newspaper that uncovered it. I think it’s an extremely important movie. People always think certain jobs can keep them above the law, and allow them to do despicable acts.

I have hit the midway of my off-time from work. I haven’t shaven, and I have barely moved. I think the majority of my day I just stare at my phone waiting for something to happen. My productivity over this time can be given a 2.3/10.

ZZ Top is coming to town. Usually you can predict the type of crowd you will see at a concert. ZZ Top is one of those bands that I am not sure about. It feels like people should be going to a biker bar with strippers and chicken wings before the show, but I could also see people going to the Martini’s. ZZ Top hits everybody’s appeal and nobody’s appeal all at once.

Sushi is another one of those foods that I pretend to like much more than I actually do. Most people either love it or hate it. It’s a chicken fingers and fries dish to this guy. Mediocre as a Sunday drive through the suburbs to look at Christmas Lights with your significant other.

Top 3 things that happen at most gyms.

3. Grunting – People love to get noticed by how many weights they are lifting. It also usually ends with the prototypical slamming of the weights down, and then glancing around to see if anybody noticed the significant amount of weight that they just pulverized.

2. The over-reactive sigh of relief when slipping into the hot-tub. It sounds like you just finished a 2 year war in the middle-east with how loud this sigh is.

1. (mostly for men, but men are just ogres and stare, Woman have also been caught) the constant search for the perfect bum.

New Year’s Eve is in a couple of days. Words of wisdom. The night will never be perfect. Keep it small, and spend time with people that are awesome. Quality over quantity on a night that is always built up too much.

Remember that soup is a delicious lunch.  Delicious, nutritious, and underrated.  Soup!

Happy New Year from Hosehead!


Odell Beckham learning how to read at the Public Library

My holiday break has begun. It started off with a bang. I had a nap at 10:45am, awoke and began to write a blog.

It’s hard not enjoy this weather. You know it’s a combination of El Nino and global warming, but when is the last time that you could go for a hike on December 21st without gloves and a toque?

When I call Americans in the southern states they can peg that I am Canadian within the first few minutes of conversation. I can tell that they are from the south because their name is John, but they go by Jim-Bob.

My nearest and dearest website for finding out about my favourite bands is delving too much into hip-hop for my liking. It’s like going to see your mentor for inspiration and advice, and he’s watching a Friends episode, wearing a Johnny Reid T-shirt, and eating a take-out meal from Boston Pizza.

There is only one place in all of Kitchener that gives you the same feeling of traffic that the whole city of Toronto does. It’s the Fairview mall area. It’s the Bermuda Triangle of feelings. You enter with happiness, but it disappears, and is replaced only by confusion and sadness. Hours are wasted trying to turn your car around, but you end up at Farmboy eating Mushroom Kale Soup.

Creed – 8.5/10
Sicario – 9.4/10

Fantasy Football playoffs are nearing its end. I have made it to the finals in 3 of 4 leagues. Unfortunately, Sara doesn’t realize how much research this takes. When I tell her about all of my brilliant pick-ups throughout the year – she just asks who the hell is Bilal Powell?

The Christmas Ham – when you are too lazy or don’t know how to make a turkey.

One Christmas Eve when I was working at the shop. A Father came into the store carrying a Rock Band game looking to return it. When asked why he was returning it, he stated that his son did something terrible and was returning his present. This was the year they first came out, and were extremely difficult to come by. I jumped on the opportunity to purchase this. It felt strange to have a great Christmas by another being wrecked. Cheers to that shitty kid.

Are there days that cats and dogs get up and just believe their fur looks immaculate on that day?

Somewhere out there on the street you live on there is a person that is complaining that there is no snow for Christmas. They have also complained when it was cold or snowy at Christmas. The perfect scenario for them would be 12 degrees Celsius with giant snow-flakes that stayed on the ground without making the roads slippery.

Odell Beckham Jr? What are you doing? His Mother should have went out on to the field and grabbed him by the ear.

Top 3 things that you feel when you use your public library.

1. Poor – I always feel like I have to explain to the person that I could afford a printer if I really wanted one.

2. Giving back – I think I only feel this way because I return every book late.

3. That I am stealing – I always hold the books up while walking out the door to show that I have the ones that I said I was going to take. And there is always one that I know I will probably never read, but feel extremely smart by taking out.

Happy Holiday’s to all of the loyal followers of Hosehead’s Thoughts and Wisdom. All 93 of you. We should get together someday for some eggnog and gingerbread cookies.


Sometimes you can’t put your finger on why certain things make you happy. Whether it be listening to an album front to back while enjoying a glass of wine. Or maybe it’s a full day of watching NFL football without leaving the couch. I don’t know. There is no exact science to happiness. It will always depend on the way you are feeling on a certain day. One thing is definitive, every single person on the planet perceives happiness in a different way. So attempting to define to them what makes you happy is nearly impossible. Even if you could, it wouldn’t be the same for them. What made them happy two years ago may not be identical to what makes them happy now. People evolve, even if they don’t change.

Five years ago I didn’t really enjoy the outdoors. Had zero time for documentaries or cooking. Just as your musical taste changes, what you find interesting will also change. I think it’s healthy. It is being able to accept that change is good is the tough part. People that can’t accept their growing mind or don’t want to deal with it will complement their old habits with alcohol and drugs to try to spice it up again. Not understanding that they are evolving.

I constantly get told that people think I have things pulled together. That I make life look easy. This couldn’t be more incorrect. I don’t have any idea what is going on half of the time. I don’t know what next year has in store for me. The company I worked for shut their doors about 9 months ago, and people were very concerned for me (which I appreciated by the way). Thinking that all I knew how to do was be a retail salesman. I didn’t know what was going to come next. But worrying about it is useless, you can’t do anything about it. They made their decision. I ended up finding a job in business to business selling. Something that I had zero experience in, but knew my skill set could handle. You go with the flow. Don’t overthink things. People worry, it’s what we do. You should generally be prepared of course, but nothing good comes from worrying constantly. Things are going to happen, could be good or it could be bad. You adjust regardless.

Sara had a scare recently with blood clots in her lungs. It was terrifying. The percentage of death sits at about 30% for pulmonary embolism. She is currently on blood thinners that will hopefully prevent this type of thing from happening again, but nothing is certain. It was a scary situation for us as a family to be in. We never wanted it to be a pity party though. It’s a terrible thing to happen to somebody, but we will not stop living our lives because of it. You deal with it, and move on.

People love focusing on the negatives in the world. It’s an easy mindset to get into. You want everybody to think and feel the same way that you do. Everybody has that friend that is constantly complaining about all of the terrible things that are happening. Whether it affects them or not. They like to have people sink to their level. I have absolutely zero time for this. Bad things have happened to Sara and I, and there is no way that I will let that affect my outlook on life. You cannot predict what’s going to happen next. I just want to enjoy the limited time that I have on this planet, if they need a hipster for a space mission, I could be enticed.

My simple philosophy for life is to enjoy the little things and don’t dwell on the negatives. Ask yourself the question constantly. Would you want to hang around with you right now? People will always want to have the appearance of having it all pulled together. But nobody really does. All I want is a hard drive full of places I have been and people that I have met. That is it! Simple words from a simple man.