A Journey Through an Unorthodox Marriage

I receive so many questions in regards to how Sara and I work with our marriage.  We both understand that it’s completely unorthodox and that we don’t judge anybody upon how they want to live their lives.  This is just the way that we decided to do things.

You have to understand that I knew Sara was an adventurous and independent woman when I met her.  It seems like the most common question is when will be the completion of her adventures.  Like it’s a tank of fuel and when it completes she becomes a different person.  This will always be who she is.  Wanting to see as much of the world before the body begins to break down.  If you watch the movie Free Solo you’ll understand that there are people like this in the world.  Their brains are wired in a way that they require a certain stimulus to be happy and feel fulfilled.  I’m not offended by this in the slightest – it’s like keeping a bird in a cage for your viewing enjoyment.

“Why don’t you hike with her?” is the next question that comes after this.  Hiking is not my passion.  I do enjoy travelling all over the world as I’ve been to 30-40 countries.  Doing a two-week hike in Ireland was one of my most memorable trips.  In short doses, I enjoy the adventure.  At the end of the day, I prefer the mix of travel, golf, pub visits, social outings, etc… versus the long term travel.

Money is usually next on the docket.  I’m not funding Sara’s travel.  She saved quite a bit of cake over a two year period after her blood clot scare.

“Don’t you miss her?”  Of course, I always find this a silly question.  At the end of the day, I do not require her to be here to enjoy my life.  I’m a self-sufficient dude that is lucky to have a massive group of amazing people that I’m able to call on if I need a social outing.  There is no question that I would like to see her more.  Putting timelines on her travel is something that I have no interest in doing.  Nothing worse than being in the wilderness and thinking that you are not able to enjoy an extra day in a town because your husband misses you and wants you home.  Sounds pretty selfish when you read it out loud.

When Sara and I got married and decided on no kids the mutual agreement was that we would not put each other in a box in regards to what a marriage should be.  We have separate bank accounts and split our bills equally.  We don’t own a house, have kids, and have very little debt.  This is the way that we decided would make us the happiest. It hasn’t been perfect – this isn’t really a normal blueprint for a successful marriage.  It’s tough at times.  There are periods of loneliness.  I’ve had to find ways to keep myself busy constantly.  My growth in regards to career has really helped with this.

How do you keep up with her drive?  As mentioned I’ve taken pride in my career.  The one big hole that I noticed instantly in tech is that there is a massive gap in leadership from their initial job to the next step in their careers.  I’ve taken pride in trying to help as many young professionals as I can to reach that next step.  Helping them see their skills, letting them know career paths that are available, and trying to be a dude that they can just shoot the shit with.  It’s also not completely one way.  They’ve helped me with the time away from Sara.  Seeing these people being successful in all different areas of the tech industry is really good for my soul.

I’m extremely happy with how things have turned out and feel like I’m a completely different person than I was 15 years ago when I first met Sara.  She had a huge hand in helping me become a well-rounded person. Hope this helps people get a clear perspective on how we make things work.

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