Rule of thumb is to never look at anything on the internet. My Instagram feed is full of credit card offers, hotel deals in Las Vegas, and Chicago Bears merchandise. I’m trying to look at memes of kittens saying human things. Don’t have time for an ad about Britney Spears being an unbelievable show and life-time experience that you won’t want to miss. Just a couple of side questions though. Has anybody seen her before? Is it really a lifetime experience? How many outfit changes does she do?
While driving to work the other day I noticed a handmade cardboard sign that said “Need Website?” with a phone number right below. You’d think they could try just a wee-bit harder than that. “Oh, June, I was thinking about making a website. Let’s give this number a call and see if they can help.” I don’t know why I used the name June – nobody has been named that in 37 years.
Try not to watch much TV in the summer. I find that outdoor activities are required to keep the mind in a solid-state to go through the grind of winter. By the time April rolls around, I’ve just decided to not wear a jacket out of spite. I’ll still complain that I’m cold, but out of stubbornness, I will not wear that jacket another fu**ing day.
My company has massage chairs at work. Unfortunately, I’ve already claimed that in sales you are not allowed a stress relief at work at any point and have to stick to my guns. You drink and smoke if you are stressed out. That’s how Don Draper did it and that’s how I do it (I don’t actually smoke). Those chairs do look like a delight though.
I received a Bluetooth speaker for my birthday last year. My vinyl collection has come to a complete halt. Flipping over the record after three songs is sooo much work. Is anybody available to be paid in craft beer to flip the record for me? You will also need to listen to me complain about the weather, work, and the dude that was cutting the grass at 7 am on Thursday.
My beard has come in (fairly) full. This is the first time that I’ve actually received compliments on it. This is what it feels like to become a man eh? It only took 40 years but it was well worth the wait. Still waiting on those compliments on my physique – I’m sure that will be any day now.
Turning 41 in a few days. Ageing is interesting. When you are young you feel like there must a switch that gets flipped and you become a wise older person. My brain works exactly the same as it did when I was 21. Every time I go through the cereal aisle I pick up a Lucky Charms box and say to myself “you’ve earned this cereal because you walked the golf course today.” Then I look down the aisle and see that stupid box of Bran Flakes and make the right decision. Then I talk shit to my own body for sucking. “Yeah, stomach – because of you we can’t have delicious things.”
As mentioned I’m hitting Vegas in about a week. This will be a work conference. I have to lead the team properly and not get up to any shenanigans. “Ok, Daryl, is that a good enough pep talk for you?”
Top 3 lies that you tell yourself when you go on vacation.
3 – I’m going to put the phone away for the entire week. No social media, no work, and no web surfing. Within 13 minutes of the newest book (of the 3 that you picked up) you are watching a dog run around a horse in circles while the horse gets fired up.
2 – That you will read any of those 3 books mentioned above.
1 – That you made the right decision going with the cheaper resort that had kids there and not the adult-only option.