Lighting Toilet Paper on Fire in a Snuggie

In the news this week… dude lights multiple toilet paper displays on fire at three different Walmart locations in the KW area – ruining millions of dollars worth of merchandise.  It is hard not to laugh about how ridiculous this is. “Here we go boys, here’s the plan… we’re going to hit up 3 Walmart’s simultaneously, storm the TP department and light it all on fire”  Gus, already suspect about Paul’s other plans of the McDonald’s cheeseburger contest and getting his Mustang up on two wheels for 1 km… “yeah… I’m out man”.

At the beginning of working from home, everyone had their webcams on – you were trying to keep connected and professional.  Now, every square foot of the household is being used to take calls, for it to feel different.  Laying under the table, eating a block of cheese, wearing your last clean shirt (Some 5k walk that you did to raise money for the foxes in Alberta) listening to the forecasts of Q4 wouldn’t be surprising. 

Top 3 Things Nobody Gives a Shit About If They aren’t Involved:

3 – Fantasy football – if you ever want to see someone’s eyes glaze over go through your roster and the reason that you are handcuffing certain running backs.  This really could be a cure for insomnia

2 – A dream you had – unless they are in it – they will likely say “that’s crazy man” a number of times to get you to shut up.

1 – Your children doing everyday things –

“Wow… Dennis went to school today and then was one of the last people out during dodgeball”

“Oh, Beverly, you should have heard him today, he was just so ecstatic – now wants to be a professional dodgeball player.”

“Dennis sounds like an idiot”

Listened to the debate between Trump and Biden last week… these are your two best, eh?

Really feel for the kids this Halloween – there wasn’t a better holiday in a small town.  You knew all of the best houses that would give out the good stuff.  Full-size chocolate bars, cans of pop, the good chocolate.  Sometimes you would get fooled though – Mr. Rhodes would all of sudden be on a health kick and you’d get some fu**ing raisins.  Getting home you’d sit on the ground and dump out the bounty of stuff on the ground.  Your parents would look at you with horror as you devoured 7 chocolate bars in a row, laughing uncontrollably, beginning to levitate from the ground.

To those people that work in retail and wear glasses – how do you manage to wear a mask all-day?  Just say fu** it and bump into things the entire day, or is there a super mask that doesn’t cause the fog issues?

Living in an old apartment building has its downfalls… I can’t control the heat in my apartment and the water pressure/temperature fluctuates constantly.  After living here for multiple years though – I can sense when the water is going to become burning hot and ice cold – it’s an anticipation that is similar to an all-star goalie in hockey. This is the only skill that I’ve picked up since Covid has hit.

It’s actually been pretty impressive how the majority of people that I see in stores are still kind to others.  There are a few one-off instances, but for the most part people, seem to be holding it together… let’s ask the health minister what the secret is…

Elon Musk is doing tests to see if humans are actually in fact in a Matrix.  It feels like the alien that was in control of the original Matrix fell asleep and his 10-year-old sadistic alien child has taken over the storyline.  “Ok, I’ve got everyone feeling the need to buy a fast car to rip around because they can’t release their energy any other way.  What’s next? Let’s have Nickelback release a new album and put it into everyone’s Spotify algorithm.” In the news tonight… Kitchener man witnessed sobbing sitting at the side of the road wearing only a snuggie.

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