Speaking Dothraki with a Dyson Vacuum

Cleaning the bathroom is exactly what you want to do on a 30 degree beautiful Saturday morning.  Maybe my afternoon will be just as exciting.  Start off by doing my taxes, and end it with learning to speak Dothraki.

“You always win if you have dragons.”  These were Hitler’s last words.

Some of my favourite people in the world are the ones that can’t wait to get to the end of the joke, and just spit out the punch line mid-joke.  Women find these men much less desirable.

Complete and utter respect for the Raptors and their fan base.  Most of us are Raptor fans, but the people that are chanting “Let’s go Raptors” at the end of the decisive game 6 get huge props.  Hearing the chant in the background while LeBron’s giving his interview gave me chills.  This is one of the most underrated things about the love for sports.

My victory lap in high-school is one for the ages.  First semester:  Children’s Literature at 10am, and that was all.  Second semester:  Gym at 10am, and that was all.  All priorities went out the window.  It’s known in some circles as the year of the Budweiser.

One of the best teachers that I have ever had is retiring.  Mr. K was my drama teacher for a couple of semesters.  He is the one that got me out of my shell, big thanks to him.  And if you would like somebody to blame for my lack of filter when I speak you can blame him.

You always think that keeping score at a ball game will be a relaxing activity.  You see old men getting such joy out of writing down F-7 in the box score.  I guarantee that you don’t last 2 innings keeping score if you attempt this.  It takes a certain person to have this much attention to detail, and enjoy it.

Went deep into the internet matrix recently.  Found myself looking at cats sleeping in bowls for about 7 minutes.  My brain clicked in, and asked politely, but firmly.  “what the fu** are you doing?”

Heading to a new brewery in Cambridge today.  Barncat has opened up, and it’s about to get a fistful of dollars and a friendly (depending on the beer) hello from Kitchenerites.

Top 3 things that made me realize that I had to go to bed.

3  – Drinking out of the beer bottle that had cigarette butts in it.  Everybody from Letterkenny has done this so don’t say gross to me.

2 – Singing into a Heineken bottle instead of a microphone during a song on Rock Band.  The crowd began to boo, and I was just thinking.  “I sound so beautiful though, how am I losing?”

1 – Having my pants thrown off of a roof at a house party.  No explanation needed.

The man that invented Dyson that sounds so insightful on the commercials could sell me nearly anything.  You’re right I do need a holder for plastic bags.  They are just all over the place right now.  $30.00 – sure.  Where do I sign up?

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Playing Trivial Pursuit with Leo DiCaprio at the Oscars.

DiCaprio is finally going to win his Oscar. Most people have to just act really well to win their Oscar. DiCaprio has to go through pain and torture to win his. The dude ate a real bison liver in the Revenant. If this doesn’t get the award for him, he will be considered the Pete Rose of the entertainment world. Except he did nothing wrong and makes fantastic films. Just like Pete Rose?

It’s going to be very strange when Keith Richards actually passes away. How will the internet react?

The Big Short – 9.3/10
The Revenant – 8.6/10
Star Wars – The Force Awakens – 9.1/10
Brooklyn – 8.5/10

I went into the new Star Wars with zero expectations. Expecting to have the same feeling after eating a slightly burnt piece of toast with an Our Compliments strawberry jam spread over it. But, and to my chagrin, it is excellent. Only complaint – they didn’t stray far enough away from the original storyline.

Another thing, what is the courteous amount of time that you can post spoilers online without being crucified? I think you can give it two weeks. That’s similar to getting angry at somebody for finishing the chips and dip after two weeks. “I didn’t even get any of that dip man. I had Making a Murderer all queued up. And you ate all of the dip. Sure, there are two scrapings left, but my chip broke off and now I can’t access it unless I use my finger. You ruined the night Rick. You inconsiderate bastard.”

Canadian Dollar problems? Well, maybe we shouldn’t have put the whole country’s future in the stock of oil. We should have started growing more cauliflower.

It’s not the fact that so many celebrities are passing away. It’s the amount of cool ones that are dying which is concerning.

Justin Bieber’s new album isn’t that (while sighing very loudly) bad.

This is one of the few years that I have actually watched every single best picture nominee. Each one of the films deserves to be on the shortlist. Here are my predictions.

Best Picture – Spotlight
Best Actor – Leo DiCaprio – The Revenant
Best Actress – Brie Larson – Room
Best Supporting Actor – Sylvester Stallone – Creed
Best Supporting Actress – Jennifer Jason Leigh – Hateful Eight
Best Director – Alejandro González Iñárritu – The Revanant

I felt so guilty about watching Doctor Who without Sara that I had to tell her right away. I also felt the need to buy her dinner. I then told her that she could watch Law and Order SVU anytime without me. She told me that wasn’t the same. And she was right.

My head is still spinning from watching the Green Bay/Arizona game last night. Throwing a football 65 yards off of your back foot and across your body with that type of accuracy is something that you can only appreciate if you have every played… Well anything! Do you know how fu**ing hard that is to do?

The power went out at the Aud while at the Rangers game this past Friday. People screamed right off the bat, and then the cell phones all lit up. You could have probably played the rest of the game with the light off each person’s phone. So much easier to hold up then a lit lighter as well. “How much longer is this song? My thumb has been burnt 3 times.”

Just to reiterate the point again. Listen to the new David Bowie album. Creating an album of this magnitude while battling a life threatening disease isn’t something that happens every day.

We all wish that Caesar Salad was healthier than it actually is. We mutter to ourselves that we are making the better choice. But we all know the truth. It’s the diet coke of salads.

The way that you get out of being asked to play pick-up basketball is to tell them that you don’t know how to dribble, don’t play any defence, and only shoot 3’s. If you still get asked, then you just continue to say “Game… Blouses!” after every basket regardless of who scored.

Top 3 things that are said while playing Trivial Pursuit with anybody

3 – You only know that answer because you are old.
2 – You always get the easy questions. This is bullsh**.
1 – Let’s play Monopoly and see what happens.

Living in the world of drama

One thing that I am really starting to take notice about is people asking celebrities questions that they know will create drama with a particular answer. Almost putting them into a pressure cooker if it gets answered incorrectly. Unfortunately social media is once again the culprit. As a society we are quickly offended by nearly everything. Celebrities have to walk on egg shells constantly. Tom Hardy was asked a question yesterday by Toronto Star’s Peter Howell.

“I have a question for Tom Hardy. Tom, I’ll preface my remarks by saying that I have five sisters, a wife, a daughter, and a mother so I know what it’s like to be outgunned by estrogen. But I just wanted to ask you, as you were reading the script, did you ever think, Why are all these women in here? I thought this was supposed to be a man’s movie?” Howell posited.

Why would Howell even ask this question? One wrong word by Hardy and the internet would have been all over him. He answered it perfectly of course.

“No. Not for one minute… That’s kind of obvious

This is the kind of thing that we social media users crave. We want a wrong answer to jump down their throat. We generally forget about what was said in a couple of weeks, but those couple of weeks we cry foul play. We want their heads on a swivel. We are the generation of drama. We want it created in everything. Whether it’s reality TV, the news, sports, or just in our own lives. We crave it. When did all of this start? I think reality TV is a huge culprit. The way that things are edited, it makes it seem that what happens in the next episode is so shocking that you must watch it (have you ever watched the preview for a Hell’s Kitchen episode?) Every single thing we do or see is turned up to 11 on the stereo.

Even sports has become drama filled. Deflategate, Kris Bryant, the Leafs, and Lebron have seemingly been all over the news. Most of it isn’t even sports related. It’s not about the game. The FIFA scandal has just happened. This is at least news worthy. The first thing I thought about after I heard about the FIFA bribes was that I would now have to hear about this for the next month. When you listen to talk radio it has nothing to do about what happened in the game. Unless they are talking about somebody intentionally injuring another player. It is so difficult to find anything with substance. What happened to reporting on the actual game?

We are the generation of likes. We are so influenced by the way social media goes that we just sway with it until it’s no longer news. One of the best interpretations of this is in the movie Gone Girl. Ben Affleck’s character is grilled for weeks about the disappearance of his wife. Social media is screaming for blood. Then she comes back. They reunite, and he is the best husband in the world. Things can flip so quickly. We were all in love with Chris Evans. He was doing great things for charity with Chris Pratt. He then makes the mistake of commenting about Black Widow’s character. He is now hated. Jokingly or not. It doesn’t matter. This is a misogynistic douche and shall be treated like one. I don’t care about all the great things he has done recently. It’s all about this now. Obviously what he said was wrong. It was a misplaced joke about an awfully sore subject.

It is extremely tiring living like this. Having to keep up daily with what has happened or what we like or dislike. Where do we stand with certain things? I have my own moral compass. I know where I stand with certain subjects. It’s where to voice your concern that’s important. We all know that certain celebrities know how to spin us. We just can’t give in to their attempts to bait us. Be careful on what you click on. It is really news worthy? Is it really worth your time? Or is it just fluff? If we start to consume what is actually important, things will switch. They are only reporting on what we crave. And what we crave is drama.