Eating Cotton Candy with a Couple of Hosers

Was at a bachelor party on Friday in Collingwood.  Went golfing with a buddy during the day celebrating his good news (I’m similar to dog – always looking to celebrate even if it’s not for me).  Unfortunately, I don’t quite have the stamina at 40 to rock an entire day and night of events.  Funneled a Bud Lite, drank a few IPA’s, and was in bed by like 10 pm.

It was actually much easier to funnel a beer than I remembered.  I haven’t done it in at least a decade.  The most entertaining part though is how your system reacts after the funnel.  Generally, it’s the largest and grossest belch.  Like your internal system is just saying “Daryl you are an a**hole for doing that to me.”

If you haven’t been to Cowbell Brewery you should go.  It’s in Blyth (practically the only thing there – unless you are going to see Mamma Mia).  The place is extraordinary.  Piles of beers on tap, beautiful interior, nice patio, and $2.00 hotdogs.  There was a brief second when I thought about ordering 3 hot dogs for lunch.  It’s only $6.00 I thought to myself.  Then common sense kicked in.  You will be sick for the afternoon and the staff there will think of you as the cheapest man alive.

Mamma Mia is the single worst theatre experience of my life.  Abba isn’t bad in a small dose (like a single song).  When you start to string together their music you begin to lose it mentally.  Everybody else is clapping and singing along; I have my head between my legs trying to figure out a way to roofie myself without the presence of the actual drug.

Went to my bro-in-laws new place in London yesterday.  While enjoying the outdoors we noticed that there was an owl in the tree.  It’s very confusing seeing any type of real wildlife in the suburbs of a major city.  It’s also humorous to me envisioning a small human being carried away in an owl’s claws.  Legs and arms flailing, and the faint “what the fu** is happening?” as they get carried further and further away.

Sara has nearly completed the PCT (around 200 miles away I believe).  Looking at pictures of her it looks like her hair has become a bright red with the sunlight exposure.  She looks extremely healthy and I couldn’t be a more proud husband of her accomplishment(s).  If you don’t know much about the PCT watch the movie/read the book Wild.  It’s a long distance hike from Mexico to Canada in the Western states.

I’ve never seen anybody purchase cotton candy at a ball game before.  I see these Hosers walk up and down the aisle with this giant fuzzy candy and never seen an adult put up their hand.  Fiberglass candy can’t be good for your insides.  Plus you look like a moron when you bite into it.  If you get it for your child they would have a stomach ache after two bites.  Now you feel like you have to take it home due to the $11.00 cost – so you are stuck holding this stupid troll doll looking hair candy for 6 innings.

Did you know where the word Hoser originated from?  Most people would guess it was the days of Bob and Doug Mackenzie (as I did as well).  This is not true – a Hoser is somebody that used to spray the ice with water in between periods of hockey games.  It was a crappy job with very little pay.   This was stated to a co-worker by an American prospect that we were calling into.  This useless Canadian fact was brought to you by maple syrup.  “Tap that tree and watch the gold flow.”

When it’s a sunny Sunday as it is today and it’s week 2 of the NFL season you really go through emotional anxiety.  It’s 29 degrees, but there is football on.  There are only a few nice weekends remaining, but the Packers play the Vikings at 1.  You could be golfing – you enjoy golf, shut up brain, I need you for fantasy football today and not for guilt.

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Transforming the Simpsons into what plants crave

Walking into a couple of breweries that are legendary in my eyes. Side Launch and Collingwood brewery. Side Launch offers one of the best wheat beers that I have tasted. Collingwood has a classic pale ale called downhill pale ale. Unfortunately, I just came across as a fan boy while at these breweries. “Oh, I just love your summertime wheat beer.” Is that the best you can do Daryl?

Sara and I stayed at a cabin in the nearby Glen Huron. It was minutes away from the Bruce Trail. There was a lot of love put into this log cabin. Hardwood flooring with more amenities then we have at home. Everything other than olive oil. I cannot live without this ingredient apparently.

Do More With Less (PCT Documentary) – 8.8/10

This is a visually stunning documentary about the people that hiked on the PCT this past year. It also has some music from Caribou which helps its rating.

Kung Fury is a half hour movie that is available on YouTube. It was brought to my attention by a fellow movie lover. I think this is the movie that happens in your brain if you don’t sleep for 137 straight hours. It’s a chaotic plaster of everything ‘80s mashed up into a ball of mayhem.

When is the last time that you purchased a puzzle? Well I can now say that it was this past Sunday. We thought to ourselves. “Well, we are pretty smart, we will get the 1000 piece puzzle.” After opening it up in the car to seeing the size of the pieces we knew right then and there that we made a huge mistake. Being intimidated by a puzzle doesn’t happen often, but it happened this past Sunday. We didn’t even manage to start it.

“Young lad” is something that I am not called very often anymore. That is until I go out golfing at Brookfield Golf and Country Club at 8am on a Wednesday morning.

I do enjoy going downtown for a walk. It’s nice to end up at the local Coffee Culture to have a latte or coffee. I find that reading a book in their comfortable chairs is superb. The only thing that would make it any better is if the drink came in a cup that was manageable with one hand. You are playing with fire every time that this giant cup comes up to your mouth over the Kitchener Library book. Maybe the mug that they use could weigh less than 10 lbs.

What is it about something that says Danger! High Voltage! That makes me want to do two things. Sing the Electric Six song, and climb in there to see what they are talking about. Best case scenario I am a super-hero. Worst case, I am dead. After weighing the options. I decide against it, and continue to walk.

Are you a Facebook user? Do you have a picture of a car as your profile picture? If so, change it.

Do you think that somebody has ever left a winery in Niagara on the Lake, and squealed their tires on the way out of the parking lot? I bet you the over/under is 10.5 times happening in the past year.

As the old adage goes. Is it better to burn out or fade away? In the Simpsons case. It’s fade away. Then re-burn the ashes. Then replant the burnt twice ashes and water them with Brawndo the Thirst Mutilator. It’s what plants crave.

Somebody handed in an Apple One computer to a local recycling place recently. Apparently it’s worth 200k. Now everybody that has that parent that threw out their old hockey cards, video game systems, or comic books has a bad taste in their mouth right now.

Sonic the Hedgehog was fascinating. I was astonished by how quick the screen would move. It was always intense when you or your buddy was going that quickly. You knew that eventually you would hit something and all the rings would fly in slow-mo into the air. But until then… You were the best video gamer of all-time.

Having a dog is cool. Picking up poop is not. This is why visiting dogs is so much more enjoyable.

Sara and I actually came home with more beer than we left with. And 18 year old Daryl said it could never be done.