Being Pet Like a Dog in a Tent at a Music Festival
I’ve felt fairly lazy over the last few days. This really came to the forefront when the PS4 controller was plugging into charge – I searched the app store to find a way to use the PS4 from my phone. By the end of this journey on the phone I ended up looking at dogs wearing capes (47 min had passed).
Today is fairly miserable out in regards to weather. It’s one of those days that you throw a documentary on about the reason fluoride doesn’t seem to be used at dentist offices anymore.
There are some stats out there that say being a dentist has one of the highest rates of depression. Is there any logic behind this? My dentist seems to be happy. He does seem to enjoy sticking needles into my mouth though. Even though I have those weird shades on, I can still see this massive needle you bastard. Stop smiling when I’m gripping the sides of the chair. Don’t scream “woooooo” while yanking out a wisdom tooth.
I once owned a top hat. That might have been the worst purchase of my career as a human. Not many people can pull it off. Especially when you aren’t wearing a full tuxedo. Going out in an Aaron Rodgers jersey with a top hat is not a good look. One of two things is going to happen. People at the pub think that you’ve lost a bet or that you are just an idiot. No one says “oh that guy is edgy – maybe I should talk to him”.
Bingeman’s just had their annual EDM Festival. 23 kids were sent to hospital with potential drug over doses. What happened to the days of just sitting in the lawn chair high on weed? The only chance of an overdose is on Nacho Cheese Doritos. It did always start the same way at these festivals.
“I’m going to see every band possible.”
“This chair is very comfortable”
“I’m feeling a bit bloated from the 9 hotdogs and 17 Budweiser’s that I’ve had”
‘The attempt to get off of the chair – only to lose your balance and sit right back down (this also includes a somewhat concerned, but also humorous expression on your face)
“This band only has a couple of good songs. Think I’m good right here.”
“I was just resting my eyes – I’m fine”
“Who has Red Bull? You can mix that with booze and your fine right? I went to a doctor once and he mentioned that my heart was strong enough to handle that (this was a lie).”
“This day was amazing. I can’t wait to do this for three days in a row.”
The tent is so gross at a festival. You wake up in the morning slightly sweaty and dehydrated. As you search around for your glasses you notice that your beer has spilled in the corner of the tent. Somehow there is a dog sleeping at one corner of the tent. You think to yourself – I don’t own a dog. There’s a small pile of dirt that looks purposefully put there, and there are at minimum three mosquitos that have had a feast on your boozy body. You don’t know where your shades are so zip open the tent like a vampire with your eyes open as small as they can go while still being able to see. Wandering around without any real purpose other than to find some type of liquid substance that isn’t alcohol. Finally locate a Gatorade – you prop yourself down onto the slightly dangerous picnic table (nails sticking out). This is the moment every festival goer says to themselves “Why do I do this to myself?”
Gatorade is in kind of a strange situation. It’s meant to be a sport drink, but 93% of the purchases are by hungover human beings. They must be thinking to themselves – well this really worked out.
Top 3 weird things that happen on our trip to Asia (this is not a recent trip)
3) Being pet on the head like a dog while squished on a bus in Beijing. I wouldn’t say there is anything unique about my appearance, but this man wanted to make sure my hair was real?
2) Only men dance in Vietnam. Dancing closer than I’m generally comfortable with 3 tiny Vietnamese men to Asian pop music. Women were all in the back having a conversation.
1) Playing the noodles or intestines game in Japan. Many of the restaurants have a vending machine that you grab a ticket from and take it to a person. The only way that you have any clue of what’s in the bowl is by this tiny picture that looks exactly the same as every other tiny picture. Then a bowl of something arrives at your table. I’m fairly certain I was 50/50 on wins and losses.