EDM

Being Pet Like a Dog in a Tent at a Music Festival

Posted on by Hosehead

I’ve felt fairly lazy over the last few days.  This really came to the forefront when the PS4 controller was plugging into charge – I searched the app store to find a way to use the PS4 from my phone.  By the end of this journey on the phone I ended up looking at dogs wearing capes (47 min had passed).

Today is fairly miserable out in regards to weather.  It’s one of those days that you throw a documentary on about the reason fluoride doesn’t seem to be used at dentist offices anymore.

There are some stats out there that say being a dentist has one of the highest rates of depression.  Is there any logic behind this?  My dentist seems to be happy.  He does seem to enjoy sticking needles into my mouth though.  Even though I have those weird shades on, I can still see this massive needle you bastard.  Stop smiling when I’m gripping the sides of the chair.  Don’t scream “woooooo” while yanking out a wisdom tooth.

I once owned a top hat.  That might have been the worst purchase of my career as a human.  Not many people can pull it off.  Especially when you aren’t wearing a full tuxedo.  Going out in an Aaron Rodgers jersey with a top hat is not a good look.  One of two things is going to happen.  People at the pub think that you’ve lost a bet or that you are just an idiot.  No one says “oh that guy is edgy – maybe I should talk to him”.

Bingeman’s just had their annual EDM Festival.  23 kids were sent to hospital with potential drug over doses.  What happened to the days of just sitting in the lawn chair high on weed?  The only chance of an overdose is on Nacho Cheese Doritos.  It did always start the same way at these festivals.

“I’m going to see every band possible.”

“This chair is very comfortable”

“I’m feeling a bit bloated from the 9 hotdogs and 17 Budweiser’s that I’ve had”

‘The attempt to get off of the chair – only to lose your balance and sit right back down (this also includes a somewhat concerned, but also humorous expression on your face)

“This band only has a couple of good songs.  Think I’m good right here.”

“I was just resting my eyes – I’m fine”

“Who has Red Bull?  You can mix that with booze and your fine right?  I went to a doctor once and he mentioned that my heart was strong enough to handle that (this was a lie).”

“This day was amazing.  I can’t wait to do this for three days in a row.”

The tent is so gross at a festival.  You wake up in the morning slightly sweaty and dehydrated.  As you search around for your glasses you notice that your beer has spilled in the corner of the tent.  Somehow there is a dog sleeping at one corner of the tent.  You think to yourself – I don’t own a dog.  There’s a small pile of dirt that looks purposefully put there, and there are at minimum three mosquitos that have had a feast on your boozy body.  You don’t know where your shades are so zip open the tent like a vampire with your eyes open as small as they can go while still being able to see.  Wandering around without any real purpose other than to find some type of liquid substance that isn’t alcohol.  Finally locate a Gatorade – you prop yourself down onto the slightly dangerous picnic table (nails sticking out).  This is the moment every festival goer says to themselves “Why do I do this to myself?”

Gatorade is in kind of a strange situation.  It’s meant to be a sport drink, but 93% of the purchases are by hungover human beings.  They must be thinking to themselves – well this really worked out.

Top 3 weird things that happen on our trip to Asia (this is not a recent trip)

3)  Being pet on the head like a dog while squished on a bus in Beijing.  I wouldn’t say there is anything unique about my appearance, but this man wanted to make sure my hair was real?

2) Only men dance in Vietnam.  Dancing closer than I’m generally comfortable with 3 tiny Vietnamese men to Asian pop music.  Women were all in the back having a conversation.

1)  Playing the noodles or intestines game in Japan.  Many of the restaurants have a vending machine that you grab a ticket from and take it to a person.  The only way that you have any clue of what’s in the bowl is by this tiny picture that looks exactly the same as every other tiny picture.  Then a bowl of something arrives at your table.  I’m fairly certain I was 50/50 on wins and losses.

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Why my musical taste is the best

Posted on by Hosehead

This year in music so far has been entertaining. As an older, and I believe wiser man, I can now say that I don’t need to listen to what’s popular. Because what’s popular is awful. They are calculated songs that make certain sounds at certain times based on what songs were big just before that. The mix between funk and pop has become popular again. So when we hear lawsuits being filed against major musical superstars are we all that surprised? It’s difficult not to get frustrated at what people listen to. To want them to go inside of your brain and understand why you love certain albums the way that you do.

All too often I am looking for something that is real. Real emotions, something distinct. Something from the heart. Music is one of the few ways that you can still produce this. Fortunately creating music has never been easier. Unfortunately, making a living off of your craft has never been more difficult. Musicians have Kickstarter campaigns. They plead for you to buy their music. Go see their live shows. It’s a tough area to be in as a consumer. You want to support your favourite bands. But it’s very difficult to throw down $10.00 for an album on Itunes knowing that only pennies get to the artist that you love.

Also, it feels as though you are wasting your money. Everybody else is downloading music for free. Why would you ever waste money on something that you can get for free? This is the slippery slope that we walk. I have made it my mission that I will download the album, and if it’s worthy, I will purchase it on vinyl. I will also make an effort to see their live show. Attempting to be an ambassador for their album through all social media. Everything pop is crap. It’s like eating McDonald’s every single day of your life. It taste so good going down. There is no substance to it. Its calculated sounds that your brain distinguishes as pleasant to hear. Similar to being at the casino.

It has taken me years to perfect my ways of retrieving new music. Finding out who to trust when it comes to musical recommendations. What websites to turn to. It’s a part-time job. When nobody likes the same music as you do, you begin to question whether what you like is actually superior. It’s a lot to take in being a musical connoisseur. Then you will begin to find people that are into the same genres of music that you are into. You will have an instant bond with them. Knowing that their love for the Beta Band coincides with your love. You will lose fellow music junkies to different styles of music that don’t suit your taste. Whispering “you’ve changed man. What is this Nintendo music that you are listening to?” Instantly you have lost respect for them. Maybe you can’t even trust their opinion in other things now. If they are wrong about this, what else have they been wrong about?

Country fans are by far the worst. They don’t want any emotion in their music. Just going to party’s to drink and socialize. Every lyric is about drinking, trucks, and having a good time. What kind of shit is this? Don’t you know music is supposed to make you think? Not just make you feel good all of the time. The metal heads have zero time for anything else. They show their respect for your great taste in music by smashing into you and pushing you around. The bigger the beating, the more respect that you have. Electronic dance music can only be understood on drugs. “This beat has been played 78 consecutive times. Are you not sick of jumping up and down yet? Don’t put the coloured pant on my face. Why are you telling me how beautiful I am?”

Indie rock is the only true form of music. My musical collection is the only one that should be heard. I will allow you to have an opinion. It won’t be right, but I will allow you to speak. I may change my mind about certain genres of music. It’s allowed, and cannot be disputed. If my circle of music somehow allows any of your circle of music into its vicinity you should feel blessed. My knowledge of music has been consumed and studied. Now, why isn’t everybody listening to what I listen to?