Thoughts of a Childless, Middle-aged Man

I don’t have children.  I don’t want children.  I have no problem with children, and you may have as many as you like.

As a married 38 year old man I have had to answer this question constantly.  “Why don’t you have any children?”  I am sure this question has come up for Sara more often; when you have been married for a number of year’s people assume that there must be something wrong with either yourself or your spouse.  Some people are built to be mothers and fathers.  Enjoy every aspect of it.  And others *insert a picture of Sara and I giving the thumbs up* are not.

I am sure that this was a more difficult conversation decades ago.  Sara and I haven’t had that tough of a time with it.  Most people can see the type of personality that we have as a couple, and know that having a child would probably rip at every fabric that makes us tick.  The pressures seem to come mainly from a couple of different areas from me internally.  Needing somebody that I can live vicariously through, and needing somebody to carry on my name or legacy.

These are two things that can go in the nice to have category, but cannot be used to pull the trigger so to speak.  Sure, it would be great if I had a little boy that was instantly 12 years old and absolutely loved baseball, golf, and hockey.  Was a straight “A” student, extremely popular without being a douche, and went on to be successful in every single aspect of his entire life.  Just came straight out of the womb like that.  Sign me up for that exchange program.  Trading in Donald Trump for that scenario would be ideal.

There are other reasons why bearing children does not interest me.  I have no interest in raising anybody into this world that we have created.  It’s an utter mess.  Violence of course, but more importantly ignorance in both religion and global warming.  If you had a car with a tire that had a 3 inch hole in it and there were no other tires available.  Would you drive the car, and think to yourself “that hole won’t get any bigger.”  Or would you attempt to summon somebody from the sky that possibly doesn’t exist to give you a new tire.”  Or, the third option.  Give up a small amount of your empire to try to seal the hole in the tire?

As I grow older it’s strange.  You expect to have that moment when everything just clicks.  Knowing exactly what needs to be done to allow a 60 year old Daryl everything that he could possibly desire.  This moment hasn’t struck yet.  The set plan that I see on every Freedom 55 commercial is the following.  “Yeah, saving 25% of my $100,000/year job is easy.  Retirement is right around the corner.”  Unfortunately, many people are working multiple jobs to make ends meet for their $500,000 mortgage on that 2 bedroom bungalow that was half of that price 5 years ago.

There is another issue.  The rat-race is real when you get that first grown-man job.    Maybe it’s immaturity or maybe it’s boredom of the everyday.  I just don’t have a set schedule.  To come home every day and follow up on the latest seasons of the 9 different shows that I am currently watching sounds like an absolute nightmare to me.  And now that I have a 9-5 Monday-Friday grown up job I feel myself falling into this pattern.  It’s terrifying.  Is this the beginning of my middle-aged boredom?

What’s next?  Coming up on 40, don’t have kids to keep myself occupied.  Many of you that do have kids would just love a few hours of free-time.  Hearing a DINK (dual income no kids) describe his issues of having too much free time must really grind your gears.  Can you let me get back to my middle-aged whining now?  Geez, so selfish.   It’s the complete opposite side of the spectrum.  Sara and I are fairly active, but my tendency to not be able to relax can drive her crazy at times.  There are instances where I swear that she wishes that I had too much to drink the night before so my need for activities would slow down.

Even though I don’t have any answers whatsoever I still try new things out to fill the hole.   Is this the canyon that people constantly try to fill with children?  Maybe it is.  Some people fill it with alcohol or drugs.  Others fill it with sports and volunteering.  I don’t have a passion.  There are many things that I enjoy doing, and I feel that I am a well-rounded person – is there a pie chart of things that will keep me occupied and content?

Most of this is a ramble.  Confusion of a middle-aged, middle-classed, childless male that would like somebody to access his brain to create a calendar of events for the next 25 years of his life.  If I only had an extremely wonderful event planner that worked in that area of my brain.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone.  This is one holiday that I absolutely adore.

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Transforming the Simpsons into what plants crave

Walking into a couple of breweries that are legendary in my eyes. Side Launch and Collingwood brewery. Side Launch offers one of the best wheat beers that I have tasted. Collingwood has a classic pale ale called downhill pale ale. Unfortunately, I just came across as a fan boy while at these breweries. “Oh, I just love your summertime wheat beer.” Is that the best you can do Daryl?

Sara and I stayed at a cabin in the nearby Glen Huron. It was minutes away from the Bruce Trail. There was a lot of love put into this log cabin. Hardwood flooring with more amenities then we have at home. Everything other than olive oil. I cannot live without this ingredient apparently.

Do More With Less (PCT Documentary) – 8.8/10

This is a visually stunning documentary about the people that hiked on the PCT this past year. It also has some music from Caribou which helps its rating.

Kung Fury is a half hour movie that is available on YouTube. It was brought to my attention by a fellow movie lover. I think this is the movie that happens in your brain if you don’t sleep for 137 straight hours. It’s a chaotic plaster of everything ‘80s mashed up into a ball of mayhem.

When is the last time that you purchased a puzzle? Well I can now say that it was this past Sunday. We thought to ourselves. “Well, we are pretty smart, we will get the 1000 piece puzzle.” After opening it up in the car to seeing the size of the pieces we knew right then and there that we made a huge mistake. Being intimidated by a puzzle doesn’t happen often, but it happened this past Sunday. We didn’t even manage to start it.

“Young lad” is something that I am not called very often anymore. That is until I go out golfing at Brookfield Golf and Country Club at 8am on a Wednesday morning.

I do enjoy going downtown for a walk. It’s nice to end up at the local Coffee Culture to have a latte or coffee. I find that reading a book in their comfortable chairs is superb. The only thing that would make it any better is if the drink came in a cup that was manageable with one hand. You are playing with fire every time that this giant cup comes up to your mouth over the Kitchener Library book. Maybe the mug that they use could weigh less than 10 lbs.

What is it about something that says Danger! High Voltage! That makes me want to do two things. Sing the Electric Six song, and climb in there to see what they are talking about. Best case scenario I am a super-hero. Worst case, I am dead. After weighing the options. I decide against it, and continue to walk.

Are you a Facebook user? Do you have a picture of a car as your profile picture? If so, change it.

Do you think that somebody has ever left a winery in Niagara on the Lake, and squealed their tires on the way out of the parking lot? I bet you the over/under is 10.5 times happening in the past year.

As the old adage goes. Is it better to burn out or fade away? In the Simpsons case. It’s fade away. Then re-burn the ashes. Then replant the burnt twice ashes and water them with Brawndo the Thirst Mutilator. It’s what plants crave.

Somebody handed in an Apple One computer to a local recycling place recently. Apparently it’s worth 200k. Now everybody that has that parent that threw out their old hockey cards, video game systems, or comic books has a bad taste in their mouth right now.

Sonic the Hedgehog was fascinating. I was astonished by how quick the screen would move. It was always intense when you or your buddy was going that quickly. You knew that eventually you would hit something and all the rings would fly in slow-mo into the air. But until then… You were the best video gamer of all-time.

Having a dog is cool. Picking up poop is not. This is why visiting dogs is so much more enjoyable.

Sara and I actually came home with more beer than we left with. And 18 year old Daryl said it could never be done.