Speaking Dothraki with a Dyson Vacuum

Cleaning the bathroom is exactly what you want to do on a 30 degree beautiful Saturday morning.  Maybe my afternoon will be just as exciting.  Start off by doing my taxes, and end it with learning to speak Dothraki.

“You always win if you have dragons.”  These were Hitler’s last words.

Some of my favourite people in the world are the ones that can’t wait to get to the end of the joke, and just spit out the punch line mid-joke.  Women find these men much less desirable.

Complete and utter respect for the Raptors and their fan base.  Most of us are Raptor fans, but the people that are chanting “Let’s go Raptors” at the end of the decisive game 6 get huge props.  Hearing the chant in the background while LeBron’s giving his interview gave me chills.  This is one of the most underrated things about the love for sports.

My victory lap in high-school is one for the ages.  First semester:  Children’s Literature at 10am, and that was all.  Second semester:  Gym at 10am, and that was all.  All priorities went out the window.  It’s known in some circles as the year of the Budweiser.

One of the best teachers that I have ever had is retiring.  Mr. K was my drama teacher for a couple of semesters.  He is the one that got me out of my shell, big thanks to him.  And if you would like somebody to blame for my lack of filter when I speak you can blame him.

You always think that keeping score at a ball game will be a relaxing activity.  You see old men getting such joy out of writing down F-7 in the box score.  I guarantee that you don’t last 2 innings keeping score if you attempt this.  It takes a certain person to have this much attention to detail, and enjoy it.

Went deep into the internet matrix recently.  Found myself looking at cats sleeping in bowls for about 7 minutes.  My brain clicked in, and asked politely, but firmly.  “what the fu** are you doing?”

Heading to a new brewery in Cambridge today.  Barncat has opened up, and it’s about to get a fistful of dollars and a friendly (depending on the beer) hello from Kitchenerites.

Top 3 things that made me realize that I had to go to bed.

3  – Drinking out of the beer bottle that had cigarette butts in it.  Everybody from Letterkenny has done this so don’t say gross to me.

2 – Singing into a Heineken bottle instead of a microphone during a song on Rock Band.  The crowd began to boo, and I was just thinking.  “I sound so beautiful though, how am I losing?”

1 – Having my pants thrown off of a roof at a house party.  No explanation needed.

The man that invented Dyson that sounds so insightful on the commercials could sell me nearly anything.  You’re right I do need a holder for plastic bags.  They are just all over the place right now.  $30.00 – sure.  Where do I sign up?

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Harrison Ford slipping into a hot tub on this New Years Eve

Started to watch Star Wars Return of the Jedi. Puppet dance party with Princess Leia in a bikini and Harrison Ford frozen in carbonite? This is Fear and Loathing in Space.

I hope your Christmas was excellent. I think people are aging backwards. Many of my friends were ecstatic about receiving action figures while many of my friends bought their kids iPads and cell phones.

You never realize how hard your parents work putting dinner together until you actually watch them in action. There are many steps to making the perfect meal. I would be in bed by 8pm if I had to put together the dinner on my own.

I have purchased a PS4. I am extremely excited to be able to be able to shut my brain off for a minimum of 1 hour each day. You age 20 years at once if you are just able to watch the news and work out.

You never really think having a certain soap for washing bedding will make a difference until you wash your sheets with Gain. It feels like I am diving into a bed of dandelions after sipping on the nectar of the Gods while listening to Jose Gonzalez sing nursery rhymes to me when I go to sleep now.

Farm Boy is a new supermarket that opened recently. Two things really standout about it. It has the best soups in the city, and they have a swinging mechanical monkey above the bananas. Both things make me extremely happy.

Howler monkeys in Costa Rica do throw poop. This is not a myth. Sara got a few of them riled up by making monkey noises at them. They were reaching for their backside when we decided to go back into our little shed. We thought we were in the clear, but then they began to throw things onto the roof. Sara thought this was humorous. Daryl did not.

Hateful Eight – 9.1/10
Shaun the Sheep – 7.6/10
Spotlight – 9.8/10

Spotlight is the best movie of the year. It’s about the Catholic Church cover up of all the child abuse that has been happening over the years, and the newspaper that uncovered it. I think it’s an extremely important movie. People always think certain jobs can keep them above the law, and allow them to do despicable acts.

I have hit the midway of my off-time from work. I haven’t shaven, and I have barely moved. I think the majority of my day I just stare at my phone waiting for something to happen. My productivity over this time can be given a 2.3/10.

ZZ Top is coming to town. Usually you can predict the type of crowd you will see at a concert. ZZ Top is one of those bands that I am not sure about. It feels like people should be going to a biker bar with strippers and chicken wings before the show, but I could also see people going to the Martini’s. ZZ Top hits everybody’s appeal and nobody’s appeal all at once.

Sushi is another one of those foods that I pretend to like much more than I actually do. Most people either love it or hate it. It’s a chicken fingers and fries dish to this guy. Mediocre as a Sunday drive through the suburbs to look at Christmas Lights with your significant other.

Top 3 things that happen at most gyms.

3. Grunting – People love to get noticed by how many weights they are lifting. It also usually ends with the prototypical slamming of the weights down, and then glancing around to see if anybody noticed the significant amount of weight that they just pulverized.

2. The over-reactive sigh of relief when slipping into the hot-tub. It sounds like you just finished a 2 year war in the middle-east with how loud this sigh is.

1. (mostly for men, but men are just ogres and stare, Woman have also been caught) the constant search for the perfect bum.

New Year’s Eve is in a couple of days. Words of wisdom. The night will never be perfect. Keep it small, and spend time with people that are awesome. Quality over quantity on a night that is always built up too much.

Remember that soup is a delicious lunch.  Delicious, nutritious, and underrated.  Soup!

Happy New Year from Hosehead!

Happiness

Sometimes you can’t put your finger on why certain things make you happy. Whether it be listening to an album front to back while enjoying a glass of wine. Or maybe it’s a full day of watching NFL football without leaving the couch. I don’t know. There is no exact science to happiness. It will always depend on the way you are feeling on a certain day. One thing is definitive, every single person on the planet perceives happiness in a different way. So attempting to define to them what makes you happy is nearly impossible. Even if you could, it wouldn’t be the same for them. What made them happy two years ago may not be identical to what makes them happy now. People evolve, even if they don’t change.

Five years ago I didn’t really enjoy the outdoors. Had zero time for documentaries or cooking. Just as your musical taste changes, what you find interesting will also change. I think it’s healthy. It is being able to accept that change is good is the tough part. People that can’t accept their growing mind or don’t want to deal with it will complement their old habits with alcohol and drugs to try to spice it up again. Not understanding that they are evolving.

I constantly get told that people think I have things pulled together. That I make life look easy. This couldn’t be more incorrect. I don’t have any idea what is going on half of the time. I don’t know what next year has in store for me. The company I worked for shut their doors about 9 months ago, and people were very concerned for me (which I appreciated by the way). Thinking that all I knew how to do was be a retail salesman. I didn’t know what was going to come next. But worrying about it is useless, you can’t do anything about it. They made their decision. I ended up finding a job in business to business selling. Something that I had zero experience in, but knew my skill set could handle. You go with the flow. Don’t overthink things. People worry, it’s what we do. You should generally be prepared of course, but nothing good comes from worrying constantly. Things are going to happen, could be good or it could be bad. You adjust regardless.

Sara had a scare recently with blood clots in her lungs. It was terrifying. The percentage of death sits at about 30% for pulmonary embolism. She is currently on blood thinners that will hopefully prevent this type of thing from happening again, but nothing is certain. It was a scary situation for us as a family to be in. We never wanted it to be a pity party though. It’s a terrible thing to happen to somebody, but we will not stop living our lives because of it. You deal with it, and move on.

People love focusing on the negatives in the world. It’s an easy mindset to get into. You want everybody to think and feel the same way that you do. Everybody has that friend that is constantly complaining about all of the terrible things that are happening. Whether it affects them or not. They like to have people sink to their level. I have absolutely zero time for this. Bad things have happened to Sara and I, and there is no way that I will let that affect my outlook on life. You cannot predict what’s going to happen next. I just want to enjoy the limited time that I have on this planet, if they need a hipster for a space mission, I could be enticed.

My simple philosophy for life is to enjoy the little things and don’t dwell on the negatives. Ask yourself the question constantly. Would you want to hang around with you right now? People will always want to have the appearance of having it all pulled together. But nobody really does. All I want is a hard drive full of places I have been and people that I have met. That is it! Simple words from a simple man.