Eating Dirt in Ireland with Fred Durst

There is a job for people to eat dog food to see how much they like it.  I am not sure if we as humans are a good judge for dog food taste.  I think you find the 5 most sophisticated dogs in the world and fly them all over the world for taste testing.  These dogs would be known as the Persian Pups.

Well that day has come.  I have actually uttered the words that I am watching my carbs.  In unison, my last Korn CD fell from the shelf of my hometown’s residence and smashed into 3 pieces that looked oddly similar to potato chips.

Is Fred Durst still doing it all for the Nookie?

To say that I am concerned about the Jays would be an understatement.  The starters have been great.  Donaldson and Bautista do what they do, but they are striking out a bunch, and are not taking a thinking approach to any at bats.

There should be more lemonade stands.  Those days of walking past a .25 cent stand are long gone.  Those were the days that you learnt about capitalism, and a Nintendo game was your 3 story house.  Now people just think that there will be a roofie pill in a lemonade given out on Victoria St in Kitchener.  Well, this might be a bad example, but you know what I mean.

I was never a child that ate dirt.  It didn’t smell, taste, or look appetizing.  I never judged Steven for it, but I always thought it was the incorrect move to eat it.

Sara, Sarah, and I leave for Ireland in June.  Sarah is a friend that Sara met on the AT.  We are hiking a couple of trails.  Should I say Sara 1 or just say Wife when attempting to get my significant others attention?  I find that most women don’t like to be called Wife.  They always believe that we are going to say something extremely sexist right after.

I have found a new massage therapist.  I knew that she was the one when she spoke of wanting to have a jackhammer to loosen up my shoulder, and then made the noises of a jackhammer.

Everybody Wants Some – 9.0/10

The Invitation – 8.7/10

It’s very strange when people just seem to fall off the face of the earth.  Then you think about them years later, and say.  “I forgot that they even existed.”  Then I go back to enjoying my drinking box and apple slices.

Descendants in Kitchener finally opened up.  It’s been many months of this beautiful sign outside that on Victoria St that says coming soon.  Daryl and a few family members walked through the door with glee – trying one of everything, to our dismay it was the no name pizza pops of craft brewers in the area.

The movie Keanu looks like a great movie.  It’s done by Key and Peele.  Watch the trailer and if you are able to go through the whole trailer without saying “aaaahhhh” you are a terminator, and are probably sent here to kill 4 humans over the next 7 years.

Cheers to those awkward times where your foot slides on something, it sounds like you farted.  You look around nervously.  But nobody has seemed to notice.

My proudest moment as a human being is after driving 14 consecutive hours trying to get to Florida, a friend of mine asked me if I my ears just popped after going down a massive decline on a road.  I stated to him that I didn’t have any ears.  That was the point of my life where I knew that I was hilarious.

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Harrison Ford slipping into a hot tub on this New Years Eve

Started to watch Star Wars Return of the Jedi. Puppet dance party with Princess Leia in a bikini and Harrison Ford frozen in carbonite? This is Fear and Loathing in Space.

I hope your Christmas was excellent. I think people are aging backwards. Many of my friends were ecstatic about receiving action figures while many of my friends bought their kids iPads and cell phones.

You never realize how hard your parents work putting dinner together until you actually watch them in action. There are many steps to making the perfect meal. I would be in bed by 8pm if I had to put together the dinner on my own.

I have purchased a PS4. I am extremely excited to be able to be able to shut my brain off for a minimum of 1 hour each day. You age 20 years at once if you are just able to watch the news and work out.

You never really think having a certain soap for washing bedding will make a difference until you wash your sheets with Gain. It feels like I am diving into a bed of dandelions after sipping on the nectar of the Gods while listening to Jose Gonzalez sing nursery rhymes to me when I go to sleep now.

Farm Boy is a new supermarket that opened recently. Two things really standout about it. It has the best soups in the city, and they have a swinging mechanical monkey above the bananas. Both things make me extremely happy.

Howler monkeys in Costa Rica do throw poop. This is not a myth. Sara got a few of them riled up by making monkey noises at them. They were reaching for their backside when we decided to go back into our little shed. We thought we were in the clear, but then they began to throw things onto the roof. Sara thought this was humorous. Daryl did not.

Hateful Eight – 9.1/10
Shaun the Sheep – 7.6/10
Spotlight – 9.8/10

Spotlight is the best movie of the year. It’s about the Catholic Church cover up of all the child abuse that has been happening over the years, and the newspaper that uncovered it. I think it’s an extremely important movie. People always think certain jobs can keep them above the law, and allow them to do despicable acts.

I have hit the midway of my off-time from work. I haven’t shaven, and I have barely moved. I think the majority of my day I just stare at my phone waiting for something to happen. My productivity over this time can be given a 2.3/10.

ZZ Top is coming to town. Usually you can predict the type of crowd you will see at a concert. ZZ Top is one of those bands that I am not sure about. It feels like people should be going to a biker bar with strippers and chicken wings before the show, but I could also see people going to the Martini’s. ZZ Top hits everybody’s appeal and nobody’s appeal all at once.

Sushi is another one of those foods that I pretend to like much more than I actually do. Most people either love it or hate it. It’s a chicken fingers and fries dish to this guy. Mediocre as a Sunday drive through the suburbs to look at Christmas Lights with your significant other.

Top 3 things that happen at most gyms.

3. Grunting – People love to get noticed by how many weights they are lifting. It also usually ends with the prototypical slamming of the weights down, and then glancing around to see if anybody noticed the significant amount of weight that they just pulverized.

2. The over-reactive sigh of relief when slipping into the hot-tub. It sounds like you just finished a 2 year war in the middle-east with how loud this sigh is.

1. (mostly for men, but men are just ogres and stare, Woman have also been caught) the constant search for the perfect bum.

New Year’s Eve is in a couple of days. Words of wisdom. The night will never be perfect. Keep it small, and spend time with people that are awesome. Quality over quantity on a night that is always built up too much.

Remember that soup is a delicious lunch.  Delicious, nutritious, and underrated.  Soup!

Happy New Year from Hosehead!

Top 5 Albums of 2015

As you know I do this every year.  No greatest hits, and no soundtracks.

Enjoy!

5.    Lower Dens – Escape from Evil

Originally I had Father John Misty slotted in this spot.  The more and more I thought about it though, I came to realize that the Lower Dens is a permanent staple in my playlist and deserves to be mentioned in the top 5 this year.  One thing that really stands out in this album is the distinct voice of Jana Hunter.  It’s a delivery that plays so well with the mood of the album.  There are tiny bits of multiple genres of music played here.  Sprinkle of Caribou, dash of New Order, and a tiny bit of XX.  The album really shines with it’s ability to balance the guitar work with the tone that the album is really trying to show off.   By far the top point of the record is To Die in LA.  The keyboard gives it a feel of a ’80s John Hughes movie, but the rest of the song feels like it’s the transition from 80’s to 90’s.   Escape from Evil is a solid play from top to bottom.  It’s mixed well, and the instruments flow together seamlessly.  It’s an unexpected pick for my top 5, but my iPod doesn’t lie.

 

4. Tame Impala – Currents

What can you say about this band that hasn’t already been said.  They are able to change styles throughout each album without missing a beat.  They still have a bit of their psychedelia in this album, but have really raised the bar when it comes to synths and keyboards.  Tame Impala have grown up.  The filler on each song isn’t just a band-aid for the song.  It’s a well thought out sound that mixes beautifully with each tune.  Kevin Parker has also raised the bar for his vocals.  Not only using his soft voice for feel, he now uses it as an instrument to in each song.  He is able to change tones to match the identity of the song.  There is only one tiny draw back to the complete change of style.  The drums have been practically removed.  Mind Mischief off of Lonerism has one of the best starts of a single in recent memory.  There are points of this album that I miss that sound.  Currents is not only a beautifully sounding album; it gives you a certain feeling.  You can’t put your finger on it, but the songs are calculated perfectly and the talent of this band really shows up on this record.

 

3 – Jose Gonzalez – Vestiges and Claws

I try not to be bias when I write my top 5.  It’s very difficult to do this when your favourite artist constantly puts out masterpieces regardless if he is solo or with Junip.  Classic guitar style with maybe the best voice in the business.   There is having high-hopes for an album then there is what I had for this record.  Jose is a magician on the acoustic, and the weird thing about it – he makes it look so easy.  Like he just sat down on his couch and came up with a song in 10 minutes.  If you enjoy acoustic of any sort and haven’t really had a listen to his catalog of music.  Give yourself a full day to be submersed into his world.  Every single thing about the album gives me chills.  Whether it be the smoothness of each note, to his outstanding ability to lull you into a dream without actually putting you to sleep.  The only reason why this isn’t number one is because it’s an extension off of his previous solo stuff.  It’s gorgeous and will make you feel fantastic.

 

Sufjan Stevens – Carrie and Lowell

Welcome back Sufjan.  You ventured off in a different direction.  I applaud you for broadening your horizons, but we really need you back.  The Age of Adz was a good album, it wasn’t exactly my cup of tea, but I understood why people enjoyed it.  Stevens has a magical way of making his music sound like everything that you would want an orchestra to be.  Using instruments that would be odd for others, but for him is just another way to process what’s going on in his head.  It’s difficult to describe to other people what Sufjan sounds like.  You either get it or you don’t.  Throw on Illinoise for details.  Carrie and Lowell is a striped down back to earth album.  It’s using everything that works without going to far off of the tracks.  Stevens voice is absolutely gorgeous throughout this album.  Pausing and expressing tones at perfect times within the record.  After listening to Carrie and Lowell I expect to feel sad, but it’s actually the complete opposite.  Beautiful album that cannot be rushed through.

 

  1.  Kurt Vile – B’lieve I’m Goin Down

You ever sit down and start to just think of lyrics without actually jotting them down?  They sound absolutely perfect in your head.  You have a sound that you want the guitar to make that would sound wonderful with what you just wrote, but then you actually begin to play, and you can’t make it work.  Kurt Vile made it work.  This album is a masterpiece.  It’s a story that was written without a pause or a second thought.  Like a slice of your life that was cut out and somebody made a soundtrack to it.  His guitar work is perfect.  Vile has always been great at creating a mood for his music, but there are times when he can be a bit to dark.  This album is a weight on your subconscious.  It’s not something that you can just throw on in the background at a party.  It needs your full attention from top to bottom. Have a listen to “That’s Life Tho,”  It’s the best song of the year, and this the best album of the year hands down.