Challenging all People in Deck Shoes to a Duel.

I don’t DJ all that much now, but when I do I have to ask for help of what’s popular to dance to.  So…. Lady Gaga isn’t popular anymore?  What about Pearl Jam?  You don’t know who Pearl Jam is?  Well, let me show you Alive.  What do you mean this is terrible?

There isn’t a bone in my body that enjoys UFC.  It actually makes me feel uncomfortable.  They should have cute dogs barking at them while the neanderthals scrap.

It’s a well known fact that I am not good with children.  There is nothing to talk about with them.  But I did find out that telling them that they are a moron for thinking that The Secret Life of Pets is the best movie of the year is frowned upon.

Secret Life of Pets – 7.5/10

Rapping is extremely difficult.  Many times people have attempted it at karaoke, but most fail miserably.  Becoming out of breath by just talking seems like a waste of energy.

Tacos have become the new bacon.  I have grown tired of those memes.  Show me something original.  Medium sized white man wearing a pastel green shirt, asking for a box of gobstoppers for dinner.  It doesn’t make sense, but at least it’s original.

White Reebok shoes and a good pair of deck shoes would take you through a good 10 years of your life as a middle-aged man in the late 80’s and early 90’s.

Foxy Hamilton is a good name for an Exotic Dancer or a Private Detective from Harlem in the late 70’s.

Purchased NHL 17 today.  There were two options.  The standard game for $49.99 or the game with the figurine of Vladimir Tarasenko for $49.99.  I stated that I would take the game with the action figure for $49.99.  I also stated that the action figure was for my nephew.  Then, I stated that I don’t know why I said that.  This was the end of this transaction.  A simple purchase that became horribly awkward by D Smith.

One thing that is probably a common saying in most people’s households today.  “Let’s have a burger tonight.  I am so fu**ing sick of turkey that I never want to eat it again.  Fu** you turkey.”  That might be a bit aggressive at the end, but at least the first part could be accurate.

Was never a huge fan of Toucan Sam.  Always thought his noise would find other cereals as well as Fruit Loops.  There many cereals that smell like sniffing a bag of sweet tarts.

There is an always an awkward time when people look around the room for the guy that was laughing when somebody got their head chopped of in a horror movie.  Sorry!  I don’t know why I find this humorous.

Top 3 Christmas moments if you received a horse as a gift.

  1. Pulling the horse along the icy sidewalk yesterday morning.  Oh, that would have been a treat.  “Come on Bucky, maybe you should have better shoes on?”
  2. Feeding the horse only Kraft Dinner to see what happens.
  3. Stating to people that you would like to challenge them to a duel while riding your horse triumphantly around Victoria St at 7am on Boxing Day morning.

 

 

 

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Top 5 Albums of 2016

Top 5 Albums of 2016

 

  1. Preoccupations – Preoccupations

Preoccupations is a throw-back album to the industrial era of music.  They settle right in between the Jesus and Mary Chain and My Bloody Valentine.  Growling vocals, moody baselines, and matching drums and guitar strokes makes this album memorable and unique.  2016 wasn’t a great year for music in my personal opinion.  But when this album kind of fell into my lap while looking into old Echo and the Bunnymen records.  Preoccupations don’t make any apologies for the type of music that they have released.  They aren’t looking for that one single that will make them relevant.  The best song on the album is a 12 minute marathon of multiple layered dimensions of every style of industrial that has been acknowledged.  There is something about this album that I can’t put my finger on that I love which is why I love it.  Nick Cave meets Echo and the Bunnymen at a Wolf Parade concert.  Memory is the best song on the album.  This record isn’t a juggernaut, but it’s solid all the way through.

  1. David Bowie – Blackstar

It’s obvious that the death of David Bowie will be felt all over the music scene.  But the amazing thing about Bowie is that he didn’t fade away.  He created a masterpiece of music while fighting off cancer.  This album is completely different from multiple Bowie eras.  It doesn’t have a lot of that 80’s feel.  It doesn’t have the early rock feel.  It also doesn’t have that space feel from the early 90’s.  Blackstar is its own entity – sounding nothing like what he has released previously.   Bowie used horns, saxophones, piano, computers, and of course the usual instruments.  Every sound of this record is a well thought out feeling.  There are two stand out singles on this record – Blackstar and Lazarus.  Of all of the fantastic people that passed away in 2016 David Bowie is the one that affected me the most.  If you just go through his catalogue of music you will find something new nearly every time.  Fantastic artist and a beautiful final album.

 

  1. Car Seat Headrest – Teens of Denial

I had zero expectations for this album.  I already had it pegged as a super aggressive no talent millennial that was looking for a hook to get that one single noticed and become famous from there.  I was flat out wrong.  This mid-20’s Asian man named Will Toledo can play the fu**ing guitar.  If you miss Dinosaur Jr. and Stephen Malkmus have a listen to this album.  It’s raw, it’s emotional, and the best thing about it is it doesn’t sell out.  This album vomits all over your Drake sweater and doesn’t apologize for it.  Vincent and Destroyed by Hippie Powers are the two stand out tracks on this album.  Top to bottom though it’s a thrashing good time.  This might be the live show that I look most forward to when he decides to come back to Toronto.  Refreshing as a glass of Hi-C when you were 13 years old.  Music is in good hands if Car Seat Headrest becomes popular.

 

  1. Radiohead – A Moon Shaped Pool

Radiohead is the best band on the planet currently.  They continue to show this each and every time that they release an album.  A Moon Shaped Pool is no different.  There is just something about this band.  They know exactly the feel of the album that is required to stay relevant and fantastic.  Try to describe this band to anybody that listens to another not quite as respected genre of music – oh let’s just say country for the heck of it.  They will not understand what the big deal is with Radiohead.  You will be left shaking your head to yourself at the end of the conversation.  The vibe, the feel, the sounds, the instruments – everything is mathematically calculated similar to a casino sound for your brain to enjoy and to accept that this band is a unique group that may never be duplicated. Burn the Witch is the best song on the album, but there are quite a few 5 star singles.  Does this record get to the areas of greatness such as the Bends and In Rainbows – I don’t think so, but it was still the best record of the year up until the last month when…

 

  1. A Tribe Called Quest – We Got It From Here

It must have been a few months ago when I heard that this album was going to be released.  I decided to go back and listen to their catalogue.  Why can’t rap sound like this again?  There are actual instruments in this record.  There is fluid vocal stream from each member of the band. Samples that are relevant to the feel of the song.  There is absolutely no question that this is the best rap album for 2016.  But, then there’s the fact of being the best album of the year.  This masterpiece has everything.  Top to bottom listening capability.  Head bobbing and extremely intelligent lyrics.  Fluid motion that is required for a top notch rap album.  I miss this sound being played on my iPod.  There are multiple fantastic singles on We Got It From Here.  I am not sure that I can even attempt to pick one out.  Number 1 without even a question.  If you can beat a Radiohead album out on Hosehead’s Top 5 albums you have done something right.  You should be proud of yourselves gentlemen.

John Gibbons: The Encino Man

I am not really sure when I got off of the South Park train, but I am sure glad that I am back on.  Weekly story lines that portray to the exact things that are going on in the world at that exact time. Using characters from the show to portray the stupidity of the human race.  It doesn’t get any more genius than that.

Are the Hydro one people still calling people to give them job interviews without knowing anything about the person – then not telling the person what they are applying for or if they applied at all?

“We would like to bring you in for an interview.”

“Who is this?”

“Doesn’t matter.  We would like to hire you.”

Businesses that use sign twirlers must have zero respect for the dignity of a human being.  We would like you to stand at this corner with a sign and twirl.”  You are one step above a hydro pole and one step below the flailing arms man.

There is an exception to the rule though.  I did see a dance off once between the Little Caesars man and a dude in a pita suit.  That made my day.  I sat across the road on a patio with wings sauce all over my face laughing hysterically for 37 minutes.  Polishing off pitcher after pitcher of Bud Lite and elbowing guys next to me to ask if they are seeing this.  It was a great day.

While at Playdium last week I pondered why I didn’t enjoy myself quite as much as in the past while shooting baskets into a net that was 3 feet away.  It wasn’t the fact that my arm could almost touch the rim, and it seemed to a bit too easy.  It was the fact that they don’t give out paper tickets anymore, and put the tickets on the card instead.  There was nothing better than seeing that machine spit out 50 tickets.  You would stomp up to that desk, and demand the pencil with Snoopy on it like a mutha-fu**in’ boss.  Then go back and waste another $20.00 trying to get the Charlie Brown pencil sharpener; because by golly you haven’t owned a pencil sharpener in 16 years.

To work at a record shop you need to have an attitude.  That’s one of the requirements.  If somebody comes in asking for a particular record that you don’t carry; they must feel shame for even liking that band.

I wouldn’t even hire John Gibbons to run my slo-pitch team.  I would rather have a blind dog that barks only because he can’t see what’s going on making the decisions.  I would hold up signs and ask the dog to bark at which lineup card that he would prefer to go with.  Sorry Johnny boy, unless you make it past the first round this year you will no longer be there to eat your hay and have naps in the dugout.

The Hunt for the Wilder People – 9.6/10

Oktoberfest – the only part that is good is that you are celebrating drinking.  Food’s terrible, polka’s terrible, and they are serving the extremely authentic German classics Budweiser and Coors Lite.

The lowest form of human interaction is the ‘share if you remember this pictures’ that are circulating Facebook.  Yes, I remember 8 track players.  Why do you want me to share this?  You want me to share this for no other reason than they existed at some point and I listened to music on them?   This goes to the same part of the brain that secretly enjoyed Encino Man.

For those that don’t remember Encino Man.  It was a film that starred Pauly Shore and Brendan Fraser.  They were put to the test of their acting ability in this absolute gem.  Finger waving jocks and car driving Neanderthals.  It doesn’t get any better.

Going Back in Time with Will Ferrell

Even as the words came out of my mouth I knew that they didn’t make any sense.  “I thought Sausage Party would be a little bit wittier and smarter.”  It’s called Sausage Party.  Why would I think that?

The golf clubs might be hung up for another year.  They went out with a high, and it’s very unlikely that they will strike the ball that well for the rest of the year.  It’s called the George Castanza. You go out on top, and don’t look back.  The high for me is shooting an 84.

If you uttered or thought the comment “was that on 9”; you have no shot in the stand-up comedy scene.  Any laugh that you receive on that joke is called a pity laugh, and most people hope that you go away after saying it.

I was notified today by Sara that there are people drilling holes in new iPhone 7 thinking that there headphones would work after this was done.  These people should be put down.

Trump and Hillary have a debate coming up this weekend.  The person on the news believes that Trump is more likely to say something that will hurt his chances than Hillary.  On the contrary.  He could state that blowing up the moon with laser cats is a good idea, and he wouldn’t lose one supporter.

Sausage Party – 5.6/10

Where has the smart humor gone?  There hasn’t been a solid comedy that has come out in a few years.  They actually usually coincide with the good of Will Ferrell and every time Wes Anderson releases a flick.

There is new music to talk about as well.  Have you been missing the sounds of Echo and the Bunnymen?  No, or never heard of them?  Well, move on.  If your answer was yes.  Then have a listen to the self-titled album by the Preoccupations.  It’s one of the first solid albums of 2016.

Our Lady Peace and I Mother Earth are playing Halloween night at Centre in the Square.  Rumors are that when the clock strikes 10pm on Halloween night with these two bands and their original line up together that every fan will be transported to a half-price flannel sale in 1995.

Sunday morning is excellent for banana pancakes and the largest coffee that you can possibly find.  You will have a weird sugar and caffeine high clutching your pro-line tickets watching the clock with anticipation until 1pm when football starts. You will then hit a wall at 1pm after you come down from the high, and probably have a nap at 1:47pm watching a scoreless Bills/Cardinals game.

I am debating buying goaltending equipment to begin to play hockey again.  Then I remember how much damn equipment that you need to be a goalie.  I also remember how much getting hit in the groin by a puck hurts.  You always have that guy that’s on your team in warmups that wants to show how hard his slap-shot is from the hash marks.  He never knows where it’s going, and his laugh is similar to a stoned Seth Rogen.  Even after saying all of this I have opened 3 Kijiji ads for hockey equipment.

As we watch the Blue Jays march towards that Wild Card Playoff game remember that getting to the playoffs is a fu**ing difficult thing to do as a mid-market team in the AL East.  Enjoy every moment of it.

Suburban Housewife Finds Pokemon While Clearing out the Rocks in the Garden

In the 20’s and 30’s people had children so they would have workers on their farm.  In the 70’s and 80’s I think people had children so they didn’t have to get up to change the channel.  There are many people that were born just to grab beers and change channels.

Reason number 64 on why I don’t have children:  I giggled for 17 minutes while our friend’s child ran after the dog spraying him with water out of a spray bottle.

Descendants brewery is beginning to step up their game.  The last few beers that they have come out with have been pretty solid.  They also offer pretzels and panini’s for reasonable prices.  Next weekend they have a corn throwing competition as well.  These are all things that craft beer connoisseurs enjoy.  Bravo, bravo, where are my tight jeans and records.

Lawn darts was an excellent game.  And many times we as a society are a bit too sensitive to the injuries that may occur during certain events.  In this case though, it’s good that lawn darts are banned.

It’s rare that I will take a shopping cart off of the property of a retail establishment.  When you see somebody pushing one of those right up the sidewalk, you know one thing.  They don’t give a fu** about anything.

When I am around kids at a ball game I turn into a 47 year old suburban Mother with my made up swear words.  R.A. Dickey is pitching like sh…. Sugar, he’s pitching like sugar.

Star Trek:  Beyond – 9.1/10

Pop Star (the Andy Samberg flick) – 7.6/10

X-Men: Apocalypse – 5.1/10

Pokemon Go has really caught on.  There are two schools of thought.  This is so stupid.  Or this is so much fun.  There is nothing in between.  I did enjoy one scene yesterday though.  Kid was playing Pokemon in a drive-way where a car was trying to get into.  I can only assume the mental conversation between those two people went like this.

  • Get the fu** out of the way.”
  • But there’s a Drowzee here and I need him to power up my Hypno”
  • You are an idiot. Stop wasting your time.  When I was your age…
  • Let me have fun my own way you grumpy old man

Osheaga is this weekend.  I would absolutely love to go.  Especially this year, Radiohead is the headliner.  But, when I ask myself how I would handle 3 days of hot sun and live music?  The answer is always the same.  You don’t want to know.  Just relax middle aged Daryl, and wait till they come to a more comfortable and accessible venue.

There are a few areas that it’s extremely upsetting when somebody passes gas.  Waiting in a lineup for an autograph or a picture at a sci-fi convention may be in the top 3.   It generally already has a funky smell to it, and you can’t go anywhere to avoid it.

Just the idea of “fixing up the house” on a Saturday gives me shivers.  They should make a horror movie about this.  Single dude wakes up one morning to 3 kids, a basement to fix up, and gardening to do.  This would have to star Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Anna Kendrick.  It would be called “Rocks in the Garden.”

It’s shocking to me that in some countries that they still stone people.  Could you imagine if the Trudeau government implemented this?  Trudeau would do 6 pushups and take 3 selfies just to prepare to throw the first rock.

Yesterday was the first time in quite a while where I just sat like an idiot not knowing what to do while people sang happy birthday to me.  It’s not nearly as bad as back in the day though.  One time at the Moose they put antlers on me before I was at the age to be able to drink.  I just sat there with my face going bright red due to embarrassment trying to figure how I was going to get back at my Father for doing this to me.

Spirit of the West Bobbleheads Available Out-West

Went to something extremely unique last night.  The National, Hayden, Kevin Drew (Broken Social Scene), and members from the Arkells played in a local church in Hamilton.  All proceeds went to helping Syrian refugees.  Not only was it one of the most intimate shows, but extremely emotional.  Hayden playing an acoustic version of Ahead by a Century almost brought the house down.  Seeing a big band in a small venue is the reason that you see live music.

Radiohead – Moon Shaped Pool – 8.9/10

Any music lover knows that Radiohead is adored by the masses in the indie rock world.  But, I put it similarly to Wes Anderson.  When you knock every single God damn thing that you do out of the park you should be worshipped by everybody that’s cool.

There is only one job that I am capable of handling while wearing a construction outfit – sign twirler.  Unless you count that summer that I want on tour with a YMCA tribute band.  That was rough times.  Playing retirement homes for Swedish mints, and candy that is all stuck together.

Blue Jays are playing some great baseball right now.  Anybody want to still sign Price instead of Happ and Estrada for 5 million dollars more a season, and for 4 more years?  Bueller, Bueller, White, Antholopous.

Bobblehead day at the Jays game was nearly disastrous.  Showed up at around the 10am time frame.  Waited in line for about an hour to receive the bobblehead.  Take it out of the packaging to take a picture with it (just want to make sure that everybody knows all of the awesome things that I am doing 24/7.  Even sleeping soundly I set up my phone to take a picture when I am in my deepest of sleep.  Look how awesome I am sleeping is the hashtag) Bautista and company fall to the floor and smash in 4 separate pieces.  I react very slowly.  Then Sara comes up with a brilliant plan.  It came out of the packaging like that.  As I tell the staff person my story, she gives me the “I know what you did” look and hands me another bobblehead.

Pet peeve #29.  Going through the drive-thru with somebody to grab breakfast, and they don’t know what they want to drink by the time the microphone person speaks up.  Drive-thru isn’t the himming and hawing area.  Go stand with Gord and Rose to talk about the shrubs inside of the restaurant if you are going to pull this nonsense.

The Path is a decent show.  It stars Aaron Paul from Breaking Bad and is about a cult.  Starts great, then lulls, but then hits hard near the end again.

I know that British Columbia is a beautiful place, but I find it funny that Canadians are so in love with the idea of “out-west”.  It’s the California of Canada.  Everything is just going to come together out-west.  Sitting on the edge of those Rockies – I will understand the meaning of life, but only out-west.  What should really be said? Everything is going to come together up-north.  You realize who you are when it’s been dark outside for 20 consecutive hours.

Top 3 things that happen at buck and doe’s (also known as stag and doe’s to people in the city) that people don’t know about

3 – Spirit of the West is only appreciated at exactly 12:59am.  If you play any-time before this you will be mocked.

2 – Flirting with the DJ while attempting to get your song played will not work.  You have “woooooood” 3 times, accidentally spit while you were talking twice, and nearly tripped on cables once.  Also, you requested a song that you don’t know the name to, and only know that the person’s name starts with “T”.

1 – Bringing the DJ drinks works every single fu**ing time

The No Hitter

Looking out the window after a long hard day of his one and only class of Children’s Literature.  Smith thought to himself there is no way that they are going to be playing ball tonight.  Looks like rain, and that’s a mighty drive to Kincardine.  Just thinking about that beautiful cold case of Budweiser in the Admiral fridge from 1955 that was in the basement was almost enough for him to say forget it.

Then a small break in the clouds became a bit larger.  Hopping in the Eighty-Eight Oldsmobile. *before we move on here I would like to state that this is a stupid name for a car.  Especially if it’s not made in 1988.  It is very confusing.* Smith didn’t know what was about to be bestowed upon him.   On the way to the game you could feel something magical in the air, and it wasn’t passing by the KFC in Wingham.

Arriving at the game you saw the usual suspects hanging around their cars having beers and smokes.  None of them were fans, these were players.  After exchanging our usual high-fives and jokes about other team-mates mothers, we decided to get to work.  Even during the warm up I could feel the lucid delivery of a sharp lefthander.  Like a young David Wells getting to work.  Our catcher came up to me after the warm up and stated the following.  “Fuck Hencey, your breaking ball is fucking sharp.”  *Hencey was a former nickname of mine.  It basically means slow because of alcohol or drug use*

During the first couple of innings of this game, everything was moving fairly normal.  Smith was chuckin’ at a smooth 58mph.  Curve ball was looping, legs were flailing, and everything was working.  The third inning came around, and Smith was losing his control a little bit.  That’s when he noticed something.  The umpire was drunk.  He was calling strikes that were 3 to 4 inches inside or outside.  That’s when a lean lefty capitalized.  Two-two was locked in.  He pounded that zone for two straight innings.  Kincardine hitters had nothing to hit, and could do absolutely zero about it.

Fifth inning rolls around.  The umpire sadly has sobered up.  Hencey had to start pitching again.  Locking back in, he started to feel a bit of an uneasiness.  The curveball wasn’t quite as sharp, and he was going deeper into counts.  This is when the perfect game was lost.  Walking a batter with two out, and then having a screamer caught by the short-stop was the way that this inning ended.  Needing to relax, Smith goes up into the stands.  He pulls out an Export “A” ultra-lite to relieve the stress.  The Legionnaires put up a four spot that inning.  They developed a big lead.  All that needed to be done was to pitch another two innings.  At this point Kincardine realized that they were being no-hit.  It was time to bear down.

Sixth inning is where the magic started.  One out walk, and then a 3-2 count against their cleanup hitter.  He steps into a full-count offering.  Drills one right at the shins, Smith contorts his body in a way that has never been seen before and manages to catch the line drive between his legs on the back hand.  Falling down he noticed that the runner is well off the bag at first base.  Attempting to pick him off while doing an army roll….. The ball goes into the first base foul area about 10 feet away from the first baseman.  But what an effort.  Smith gets out of the inning unscathed.

7th inning.  The fog had rolled in from the lake.  Smith strikes out the first two batters on greasy curveballs.  Kincardine is down to their final out.  You can barely see in the sky anymore, the fog is unbearable.  This last batter needs to be k’d or it could be trouble.  54mph fastball is popped up on the infield.  Nobody can see it.  There’s chaos, then all of a sudden the first-baseman is screaming “GOT IT, GOT IT!” The ball lands safely in his glove.  Pandemonium breaks loose on the field.  After the hand-shakes at the conclusion of the game, venturing back to the parking lot, and lighting a few smokes; everybody knew that this day was going to go down in history as the greatest day in Legionnaire history.

The catcher walks up to Smith and asks. “Hencey what the fuck are we doing now?” Smith smirks and says “Let’s have 3 cheeseburgers from mickey d’s, and fuck off back to MoDean’s.”

Eating Dirt in Ireland with Fred Durst

There is a job for people to eat dog food to see how much they like it.  I am not sure if we as humans are a good judge for dog food taste.  I think you find the 5 most sophisticated dogs in the world and fly them all over the world for taste testing.  These dogs would be known as the Persian Pups.

Well that day has come.  I have actually uttered the words that I am watching my carbs.  In unison, my last Korn CD fell from the shelf of my hometown’s residence and smashed into 3 pieces that looked oddly similar to potato chips.

Is Fred Durst still doing it all for the Nookie?

To say that I am concerned about the Jays would be an understatement.  The starters have been great.  Donaldson and Bautista do what they do, but they are striking out a bunch, and are not taking a thinking approach to any at bats.

There should be more lemonade stands.  Those days of walking past a .25 cent stand are long gone.  Those were the days that you learnt about capitalism, and a Nintendo game was your 3 story house.  Now people just think that there will be a roofie pill in a lemonade given out on Victoria St in Kitchener.  Well, this might be a bad example, but you know what I mean.

I was never a child that ate dirt.  It didn’t smell, taste, or look appetizing.  I never judged Steven for it, but I always thought it was the incorrect move to eat it.

Sara, Sarah, and I leave for Ireland in June.  Sarah is a friend that Sara met on the AT.  We are hiking a couple of trails.  Should I say Sara 1 or just say Wife when attempting to get my significant others attention?  I find that most women don’t like to be called Wife.  They always believe that we are going to say something extremely sexist right after.

I have found a new massage therapist.  I knew that she was the one when she spoke of wanting to have a jackhammer to loosen up my shoulder, and then made the noises of a jackhammer.

Everybody Wants Some – 9.0/10

The Invitation – 8.7/10

It’s very strange when people just seem to fall off the face of the earth.  Then you think about them years later, and say.  “I forgot that they even existed.”  Then I go back to enjoying my drinking box and apple slices.

Descendants in Kitchener finally opened up.  It’s been many months of this beautiful sign outside that on Victoria St that says coming soon.  Daryl and a few family members walked through the door with glee – trying one of everything, to our dismay it was the no name pizza pops of craft brewers in the area.

The movie Keanu looks like a great movie.  It’s done by Key and Peele.  Watch the trailer and if you are able to go through the whole trailer without saying “aaaahhhh” you are a terminator, and are probably sent here to kill 4 humans over the next 7 years.

Cheers to those awkward times where your foot slides on something, it sounds like you farted.  You look around nervously.  But nobody has seemed to notice.

My proudest moment as a human being is after driving 14 consecutive hours trying to get to Florida, a friend of mine asked me if I my ears just popped after going down a massive decline on a road.  I stated to him that I didn’t have any ears.  That was the point of my life where I knew that I was hilarious.

Adapting to the New Age of Interaction

We are in the era of frauds and glossiness. You can create any type of social media personality that you like. People don’t know what’s real. If you only want to show one side of yourself you can do that. I think that it’s only going to get worse. When all you can see is how successful people are; or all of the cool things that they are doing. It makes you feel terrible about yourself. So when you feel awful about yourself you prefer not to have people see that side so you post fantastic things that you are doing. And the cycle goes on and on.

One thing that is certain is that nobody is as extraordinary or interesting as they appear to be on social media. If this was the case then I would constantly be traveling, going to concerts, watching movies, and drinking craft beer. Never a dull day in the life of Daryl Smith. It’s not very interesting writing that I just watched the news at the gym, went to work, and then came home to watch mindless TV for the next few hours. Who the hell wants to read about that?

Some people don’t require physical relationships with friends any longer. They can get their social need through online interaction only. I am not built this way, there is still a need in me to have social experiences being in the same room with other people. Not just through the screen of my computer. You can’t really look down upon this though. It’s just the evolution of mankind. We are currently in the awkward state of transition from in person to online. There is no stopping it. You can post as much as you like about putting your phones down in social atmospheres – it’s only going to continue to be more prevalent. Is it bad? I don’t know. It’s just evolution baby.

To think that your generation was so much better because you played outside is silly. Every generation believes that they had the best music, movies, upbringing, and people. Every generation complained about the previous generation. It’s so much more in your face this time because it’s online. I attempt to keep a balance. Going out when I am feeling a bit too suffocated. Trying to keep my emotions in check while flipping through my social media sites. Nobody in the world is having a better time than certain people on my Facebook feed. You need to remember what they were like when you actually knew them in person versus this entity that they created online.

There is also the other side of the social media spectrum. The people that air all of their grievances online. Festivus for the rest of us. All of their issues and all of their venom on social media fronts. For people that do this, this is the only side that we see. People roll their eyes at you while going through their feed. Think of social media as advertising for yourself. How do you want people to portray you? Most people have a small group of friends that they see on a consistent basis. Social media is the only way to interact with 90% of people that once knew you or know you through somebody else. Bad things happen to people, and there are injustices in this world on a daily basis. Choose what you decide to post wisely. Once it’s up there, it may stay up there for good.

What I do know is that regardless of how many memes you put up about people socializing the old-fashioned way, this freight train is not going to stop. Instead of complaining about it, find a balance. What works for you? Society will not move backwards on this front. You can only control how you interact with other people. Stop focusing on the way everybody else socializes, and please for the love of Ozzy Osbourne and all things that are awesome stop re-posting pictures of things that you remember from the past. Picture of an easy-bake oven. Re-post if you remember this. I don’t give a shit!

Till next time when I post something that probably contradicts with something else that I posted in the past. This is Hosehead. Have a great week. Now, time to get ready for my trip to the Canary Islands by having a craft beer, listening to vinyl, and purchasing tickets to see Kurt Vile in Buffalo.

John Scott feeling manly in Morocco

I went to see Black Sabbath 17 or 18 years ago when I was in college. I remember thinking then that this is going to be the last time that I see them, and Ozzy is surely going to die within the next 5-10 years. They are still going. They performed brilliantly in Hamilton recently. 8.3/10

Sara and I were in Morocco. If you ever want to see somebody stick out as a tourist, just watch me in my bright blue Jays cap attempt to weave through the streets of Marakeesh trying to go unnoticed. “What me a tourist. Oh I would love some tea in your carpet shop. What a nice guy.”

The Oscars are tomorrow. Leo will finally win his best actor award. And some bloggers will lose exactly 16% of their blogging material.

Why do people clap after the plane lands? The other option is crashing and dying. Denzel can fly one of these things wasted. Can’t be that difficult.

I went searching on the internet for what ISIS actually wants. Don’t bother, it’s just as crazy as you think it is.

Watched an episode of Fuller House. Uncomfortable grown up jokes, and one of the creepiest scenes of the whole gang recreating a scene of singing “Meet the Flinstones” to cheer up a cranky child. If you decide to delve into this madness you will never forget it and it will haunt your subconscious for days to come.

Dave Coulier is awful. Kanye and Dave should have a wrestling match. Winner gets to relocate with the Kardashian’s to the Arctic. Loser has to relocate with Alanis Morrisette to Antarctica. Either way Dave Coulier is screwed.

Have you ever been to a hotel before that is too hip for you? This happened to me in Paris. Everything was controlled by a tablet, and the check in was a self-check in. If the IKEA store turned into a person and created a hotel this is what it would create.

When you are in an airport for an extremely long time you begin to have arch-nemesis’ while there. Two ladies felt the wrath of my imagination after sneaking their way to the front of the line with their extremely excessive back packs.

How do we genetically make rabbits that enjoy cuddling? Is there a pill that we can give them? Maybe it’s a mix of MDMA and Heroin? Who is on this experiment? Sounds like money well spent.

John Scott is a man. He has all of the appearances of a full grown man. If you were to put him side by side beside me there is no way that people would think that I was older. I am 10 years older than this man. If we each got one punch. I am pretty sure that I would break my hand. I would also be concerned that I would be in the hospital for multiple days after receiving his punch.

Sometimes I hate alga-rhythms. After searching for Buffalo hotels to stay in after seeing Kurt Vile, I am then reminded multiple times that I am going to Buffalo.

Camels are not comfortable. Straddling a giant creature that is constantly itchy is slightly terrifying.

Top 3 ways to make people uncomfortable while they are throwing a house party.

3 – Start rummaging through their cupboards. Finding odd things and putting them on the counter. Premium Plus crackers check, Tylenol check, chocolate chip cookie mix check. Then just leave them on the counter and leave the room.

2 – Suggest doing shots at two in the afternoon.

1 – Start doing chores around their house for no reason. People get really upset if they think you think that their house is dirty.