Sitting in a Steamroom with Roger Gaston
The world of the selfie is strange. “Here I am sitting on a couch – well I’m thinking I should take a picture of myself and pot it.” Could you imagine doing that before the smartphone? Take the film into the camera place and it’s just headshots of you. The camera shop dude would probably think that you are either a model or an actor. “Nope, just felt like taking a picture of my face after finishing an episode of ‘Cheers’ – might put it up on the fridge even.”
Joined the gym again – I’m back at Movati. It’s got a few nice bonuses there. There’s a pool, hot tub, steam room, sauna, smoothie bar, basketball court, etc… So far the steam room is the place with the most entertainment. Old dudes just don’t give a fu** – the towel is barely hanging on – spreading those legs out for comfort. Talking politics, weather, sports, or whatever other small talk topics that are common. I’m happy that I need my glasses to see properly. I sit there with the head down making weird noises that are commonly heard while middle-aged men are attempting to relax. Like all of the stresses from the week are being put into a puddle on that steam room floor.
Sara and I went to the Dominican over the holidays. It was a nice week of rest and relaxation. They offer a VIP package at the resort that we declined. The extra perks were your own pool area, a bar that only that group could go to, and premium liquor. While eating at the restaurant I could see into the bar area. There was a dude sipping a Heineken watching the Bills/Patriots game. He’d bust out a laugh every so often while chatting with the bartender. They were having a grand old time. I envision this man’s name is Roger Gaston from Quebec. He hunts whales in the winter and owns a sweatshop in China. Roger, you don’t deserve this luxury. Sara stopped listening after I started whining about the Heineken being drunk.
End of year benefits season is over. I still had some wellness dollars left on the last day and needed to use every last dollar. I’m now the proud owner of a Navage and 3 dozen golf balls. If you’ve never seen the Navage it’s that crazy device that you put up into your nostrils to clear out your sinuses. Even a few years back when I saw the commercial I started laughing at how ridiculous it looked. The bastard works – it’s extremely gross though. I always wonder if it could pull the crayon out of Homer’s brain from that episode of the Simpsons.
Neil Peart passed away. I wasn’t a huge Rush fan but Tom Sawyer really gets me jazzed up. I think they should rotate the $5.00 bill every five years between Terry Fox, Gord Downie, Neil Peart, and manly (bearded) Justin Trudeau.
The family all pitched in and gave my nephew a Nintendo Switch for Christmas. Precisely as predicted the first time I saw it being used it was the adults that played it while my nephew had to wait his turn. “Just one more game Milo… I know you’ve been waiting 2.5 hours, but this time I swear we’ll let you play it.”
My first real job was delivering a weekly paper to a neighborhood. As soon as I got the job I thought to myself – I’m going to save 25% of it, give another 25% to charity, and then take the other 50% and spend it on CDs. My first paycheque was $14.00. I bought a Florida Marlins hat and then quit that stupid job.
The Lighthouse – 8.6/10
Brittany Runs a Marathon – 8.1/10
Cats – 9.2/10 (I actually didn’t see this movie – this rating is based on how much joy reading the reviews has given me)
As a teenager, I remember getting braces. There was no option of Invisiline at that point – just grey steel. Couldn’t they at least make it closer to teeth colour? “No, no, we need the entire school to know that your teeth were fu**ed up. Wait until your face gets full of acne as well. All the bullying will toughen you up Daryl.”
Top 3 things that the majority of children were able to do with ease, but I struggled with it.
3 – Tying my shoes: It took me quite a bit longer than the average child to pick this up. I blame being a lefty (pretty shit excuse, I know). I thought to myself one day. “Well, I guess its Velcro shoes for life. It won’t look weird being 38 and rocking grey Velcro shoes will it Mom?”
2 – Climbing a rope: There were kids that would just whip up that rope in mere seconds. I’d get two feet up and try to go without using my feet like I was Sly Stallone or something. There wasn’t a lot of strength in the arms at that point (I lost multiple arm wrestling matches to young children). I’d jump down and my gym teacher would shake his head disapprovingly. After a few times, I would stretch my arms while grimacing to try to fake a slight injury.
1 – Going down the stairs like a normal human being: I would put one foot on a step and then the other foot on the same step. It would take me twice as long to go downstairs then the average child. This one still boggles my mind, and I have no explanation for this.