Anticipating 2017

I am not much for New Year Resolutions.  But, here’s a few things that I am going to attempt to curve or change for the upcoming year.

Limit my social media.  You would think that with the amount of things that are posted that you would actually learn something new or at least be able to have a chuckle at some thing.  This is not the case.  One thing is clear.  We find one topic and tear it apart until every single blade of the topic has been picked, and all that’s remaining is a wasteland of memes and wasted time.

Read more books.  There is so much good literature out there that nobody has ever heard of.  There isn’t a much more satisfying moment of setting that completed book down.  Hopefully this will equate to less of the above point.  This will require me to pay off my library fine unfortunately.  I feel that the library should send you a hand written letter when your book is super-overdue.  Also, if you are trying to right a wrong in retail; write a letter with pencil.  You will never see a company jump as quick as when head-office receives something written in pencil.

Look for more music.  There is quality music out there even if you don’t want to believe it.  Using Spotify and Apple Music has allowed me to find bands and solo artists that I never knew existed.  I am currently listening to Solange on Spotify, and it’s absolutely fantastic.  I know it’s extremely easy to get into that routine of only listening to what you know.  There are 75 radio stations that agree with you.  30 day challenge.  Find a solid album every 30 days, and post a review online about it.

See more live things.  Plays, music, stand up.  Need to support these artists.  There is so much talent out there, and they continue to struggle while fu**ing Chewbacca Mom becomes insta-famous.

Then there’s the obvious.  Eat healthier, hit the gym, less take out food.  This should always be a New Year goal for each and every person.

Stop eating those memberberries.  Reminiscing and focusing on when times were a certain way.  Brexit and Trump are both causes of memberberries.  People need to adjust to what the world creates.

Spend more face to face time with people.  Internet friends are cool, but nothing can replace the in person pint discussing what the Jays should do next with their ball club.

Try to only post original thoughts on Twitter and Facebook.  Need to keep this brain moving and shaking.  Can’t fall into the trap of complaining and trying to change every single thing that’s wrong with this world.

Farmers Market vegetables yo.  This is such an easy change.  There is a market that’s a 15 min walk from my place every Saturday morning.

Have a Happy New Year.

 

 

 

 

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Challenging all People in Deck Shoes to a Duel.

I don’t DJ all that much now, but when I do I have to ask for help of what’s popular to dance to.  So…. Lady Gaga isn’t popular anymore?  What about Pearl Jam?  You don’t know who Pearl Jam is?  Well, let me show you Alive.  What do you mean this is terrible?

There isn’t a bone in my body that enjoys UFC.  It actually makes me feel uncomfortable.  They should have cute dogs barking at them while the neanderthals scrap.

It’s a well known fact that I am not good with children.  There is nothing to talk about with them.  But I did find out that telling them that they are a moron for thinking that The Secret Life of Pets is the best movie of the year is frowned upon.

Secret Life of Pets – 7.5/10

Rapping is extremely difficult.  Many times people have attempted it at karaoke, but most fail miserably.  Becoming out of breath by just talking seems like a waste of energy.

Tacos have become the new bacon.  I have grown tired of those memes.  Show me something original.  Medium sized white man wearing a pastel green shirt, asking for a box of gobstoppers for dinner.  It doesn’t make sense, but at least it’s original.

White Reebok shoes and a good pair of deck shoes would take you through a good 10 years of your life as a middle-aged man in the late 80’s and early 90’s.

Foxy Hamilton is a good name for an Exotic Dancer or a Private Detective from Harlem in the late 70’s.

Purchased NHL 17 today.  There were two options.  The standard game for $49.99 or the game with the figurine of Vladimir Tarasenko for $49.99.  I stated that I would take the game with the action figure for $49.99.  I also stated that the action figure was for my nephew.  Then, I stated that I don’t know why I said that.  This was the end of this transaction.  A simple purchase that became horribly awkward by D Smith.

One thing that is probably a common saying in most people’s households today.  “Let’s have a burger tonight.  I am so fu**ing sick of turkey that I never want to eat it again.  Fu** you turkey.”  That might be a bit aggressive at the end, but at least the first part could be accurate.

Was never a huge fan of Toucan Sam.  Always thought his noise would find other cereals as well as Fruit Loops.  There many cereals that smell like sniffing a bag of sweet tarts.

There is an always an awkward time when people look around the room for the guy that was laughing when somebody got their head chopped of in a horror movie.  Sorry!  I don’t know why I find this humorous.

Top 3 Christmas moments if you received a horse as a gift.

  1. Pulling the horse along the icy sidewalk yesterday morning.  Oh, that would have been a treat.  “Come on Bucky, maybe you should have better shoes on?”
  2. Feeding the horse only Kraft Dinner to see what happens.
  3. Stating to people that you would like to challenge them to a duel while riding your horse triumphantly around Victoria St at 7am on Boxing Day morning.

 

 

 

Thoughts of a Childless, Middle-aged Man

I don’t have children.  I don’t want children.  I have no problem with children, and you may have as many as you like.

As a married 38 year old man I have had to answer this question constantly.  “Why don’t you have any children?”  I am sure this question has come up for Sara more often; when you have been married for a number of year’s people assume that there must be something wrong with either yourself or your spouse.  Some people are built to be mothers and fathers.  Enjoy every aspect of it.  And others *insert a picture of Sara and I giving the thumbs up* are not.

I am sure that this was a more difficult conversation decades ago.  Sara and I haven’t had that tough of a time with it.  Most people can see the type of personality that we have as a couple, and know that having a child would probably rip at every fabric that makes us tick.  The pressures seem to come mainly from a couple of different areas from me internally.  Needing somebody that I can live vicariously through, and needing somebody to carry on my name or legacy.

These are two things that can go in the nice to have category, but cannot be used to pull the trigger so to speak.  Sure, it would be great if I had a little boy that was instantly 12 years old and absolutely loved baseball, golf, and hockey.  Was a straight “A” student, extremely popular without being a douche, and went on to be successful in every single aspect of his entire life.  Just came straight out of the womb like that.  Sign me up for that exchange program.  Trading in Donald Trump for that scenario would be ideal.

There are other reasons why bearing children does not interest me.  I have no interest in raising anybody into this world that we have created.  It’s an utter mess.  Violence of course, but more importantly ignorance in both religion and global warming.  If you had a car with a tire that had a 3 inch hole in it and there were no other tires available.  Would you drive the car, and think to yourself “that hole won’t get any bigger.”  Or would you attempt to summon somebody from the sky that possibly doesn’t exist to give you a new tire.”  Or, the third option.  Give up a small amount of your empire to try to seal the hole in the tire?

As I grow older it’s strange.  You expect to have that moment when everything just clicks.  Knowing exactly what needs to be done to allow a 60 year old Daryl everything that he could possibly desire.  This moment hasn’t struck yet.  The set plan that I see on every Freedom 55 commercial is the following.  “Yeah, saving 25% of my $100,000/year job is easy.  Retirement is right around the corner.”  Unfortunately, many people are working multiple jobs to make ends meet for their $500,000 mortgage on that 2 bedroom bungalow that was half of that price 5 years ago.

There is another issue.  The rat-race is real when you get that first grown-man job.    Maybe it’s immaturity or maybe it’s boredom of the everyday.  I just don’t have a set schedule.  To come home every day and follow up on the latest seasons of the 9 different shows that I am currently watching sounds like an absolute nightmare to me.  And now that I have a 9-5 Monday-Friday grown up job I feel myself falling into this pattern.  It’s terrifying.  Is this the beginning of my middle-aged boredom?

What’s next?  Coming up on 40, don’t have kids to keep myself occupied.  Many of you that do have kids would just love a few hours of free-time.  Hearing a DINK (dual income no kids) describe his issues of having too much free time must really grind your gears.  Can you let me get back to my middle-aged whining now?  Geez, so selfish.   It’s the complete opposite side of the spectrum.  Sara and I are fairly active, but my tendency to not be able to relax can drive her crazy at times.  There are instances where I swear that she wishes that I had too much to drink the night before so my need for activities would slow down.

Even though I don’t have any answers whatsoever I still try new things out to fill the hole.   Is this the canyon that people constantly try to fill with children?  Maybe it is.  Some people fill it with alcohol or drugs.  Others fill it with sports and volunteering.  I don’t have a passion.  There are many things that I enjoy doing, and I feel that I am a well-rounded person – is there a pie chart of things that will keep me occupied and content?

Most of this is a ramble.  Confusion of a middle-aged, middle-classed, childless male that would like somebody to access his brain to create a calendar of events for the next 25 years of his life.  If I only had an extremely wonderful event planner that worked in that area of my brain.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone.  This is one holiday that I absolutely adore.

Going Back in Time with Will Ferrell

Even as the words came out of my mouth I knew that they didn’t make any sense.  “I thought Sausage Party would be a little bit wittier and smarter.”  It’s called Sausage Party.  Why would I think that?

The golf clubs might be hung up for another year.  They went out with a high, and it’s very unlikely that they will strike the ball that well for the rest of the year.  It’s called the George Castanza. You go out on top, and don’t look back.  The high for me is shooting an 84.

If you uttered or thought the comment “was that on 9”; you have no shot in the stand-up comedy scene.  Any laugh that you receive on that joke is called a pity laugh, and most people hope that you go away after saying it.

I was notified today by Sara that there are people drilling holes in new iPhone 7 thinking that there headphones would work after this was done.  These people should be put down.

Trump and Hillary have a debate coming up this weekend.  The person on the news believes that Trump is more likely to say something that will hurt his chances than Hillary.  On the contrary.  He could state that blowing up the moon with laser cats is a good idea, and he wouldn’t lose one supporter.

Sausage Party – 5.6/10

Where has the smart humor gone?  There hasn’t been a solid comedy that has come out in a few years.  They actually usually coincide with the good of Will Ferrell and every time Wes Anderson releases a flick.

There is new music to talk about as well.  Have you been missing the sounds of Echo and the Bunnymen?  No, or never heard of them?  Well, move on.  If your answer was yes.  Then have a listen to the self-titled album by the Preoccupations.  It’s one of the first solid albums of 2016.

Our Lady Peace and I Mother Earth are playing Halloween night at Centre in the Square.  Rumors are that when the clock strikes 10pm on Halloween night with these two bands and their original line up together that every fan will be transported to a half-price flannel sale in 1995.

Sunday morning is excellent for banana pancakes and the largest coffee that you can possibly find.  You will have a weird sugar and caffeine high clutching your pro-line tickets watching the clock with anticipation until 1pm when football starts. You will then hit a wall at 1pm after you come down from the high, and probably have a nap at 1:47pm watching a scoreless Bills/Cardinals game.

I am debating buying goaltending equipment to begin to play hockey again.  Then I remember how much damn equipment that you need to be a goalie.  I also remember how much getting hit in the groin by a puck hurts.  You always have that guy that’s on your team in warmups that wants to show how hard his slap-shot is from the hash marks.  He never knows where it’s going, and his laugh is similar to a stoned Seth Rogen.  Even after saying all of this I have opened 3 Kijiji ads for hockey equipment.

As we watch the Blue Jays march towards that Wild Card Playoff game remember that getting to the playoffs is a fu**ing difficult thing to do as a mid-market team in the AL East.  Enjoy every moment of it.

Professor X Searching for Fashion on Victoria St in Kitchener

It’s been a while since I have attempted to access the part of my brain that requires thoughts and wisdom.  I feel like Professor Xavier going into Cerebro looking for his mutants.  Only this time I am looking for my mutants that enjoy this type of writing.  You should all be ashamed of yourselves.

If Billy Joel asked me to go for a coffee at a Tim Horton’s that was 3 blocks away I don’t think I would go.  The only thing that I might mention while sipping on my coffee that I wish was a bit cooler so I could leave quicker would be “So, Piano Man is an ok song.  Probably in my top 1000 songs of all-time.”

Has anybody ever asked for a dog that doesn’t poop?  That is the biggest downfall with owning a pet.  Why can’t they just have their waste go through their skin like a shark?  I have tasted fermented shark in Iceland.  It tastes exactly like what you would assume pee would taste like.  It also got stuck in between two of my teeth so the supposed taste of pee was in stuck in between my teeth for two hours.  Now that’s insanity.

Sara cut her hike on the Sunshine Coast Trail short due to stepping on hornets nest.  She described the event as apocalyptic in nature, and just like if the apocalypse were to happen today; she continued to look for her phone that she dropped while hornets stung her.

Going to see Rodriguez tonight at Centre in the Square.  The show is sold out, if you still haven’t watched the documentary “Searching for Sugar Man” – watch it this weekend.

Sometimes I drive by certain retail stores in strip malls and wonder if they have even seen a customer for the past week?  New York Fashion on Victoria is right beside an emissions test place and a body shop for cars place.  Just want to open up the door and yell “why did you think this was a good idea?”

NFL season has started up.  Other-wise known as a gambling man’s wet dream.  I feel as though the sales of salsa and French onion dip sky-rocket at this time of year.   There is nothing better than drowsing off with your hand slightly in a bag of Ruffles regular chips and your team up by 14 points with 3 minutes to go in a game.

There was a very strange/short time of people deciding to smoke tobacco vapes indoors, and people allowing it.   Non-smokers went through emotions of we know this is wrong, should we say something, is it even illegal, and what the hell is going on?

When you travel are you looking for different looking rocks on the beach and bringing them home?  What are you doing with these rocks?  People will show me these rocks, and my first instinct is to chuck it into the ocean, and call them an idiot.  Sorry, I know it’s a bit harsh, but you are being an idiot.

After I pass away it seems like a cool idea of having my ashes planted with a tree.  The trees best traits would be to grow extremely slowly, and have multiple comfortable places to sit.  It would also have an unusually cold hole that you could store refreshments.

Sing Street – 8.8/10

Captain America:  Civil War – 6.4/10

Jungle Book – 9.1/10

Marvel has this down to a science.  Just roll out that mathematical equation of different characters and vomit of ridiculous action that people can stuff their face full of popcorn muttering to themselves “this is so cool.”

Our neighbor is a middle-aged white man that is constantly standing on the side walk with no shirt on constantly smoking a cigarette.  Sometimes he is talking to somebody or himself.  I am not sure there is a possible situation that you could be less productive than this man.

Spirit of the West Bobbleheads Available Out-West

Went to something extremely unique last night.  The National, Hayden, Kevin Drew (Broken Social Scene), and members from the Arkells played in a local church in Hamilton.  All proceeds went to helping Syrian refugees.  Not only was it one of the most intimate shows, but extremely emotional.  Hayden playing an acoustic version of Ahead by a Century almost brought the house down.  Seeing a big band in a small venue is the reason that you see live music.

Radiohead – Moon Shaped Pool – 8.9/10

Any music lover knows that Radiohead is adored by the masses in the indie rock world.  But, I put it similarly to Wes Anderson.  When you knock every single God damn thing that you do out of the park you should be worshipped by everybody that’s cool.

There is only one job that I am capable of handling while wearing a construction outfit – sign twirler.  Unless you count that summer that I want on tour with a YMCA tribute band.  That was rough times.  Playing retirement homes for Swedish mints, and candy that is all stuck together.

Blue Jays are playing some great baseball right now.  Anybody want to still sign Price instead of Happ and Estrada for 5 million dollars more a season, and for 4 more years?  Bueller, Bueller, White, Antholopous.

Bobblehead day at the Jays game was nearly disastrous.  Showed up at around the 10am time frame.  Waited in line for about an hour to receive the bobblehead.  Take it out of the packaging to take a picture with it (just want to make sure that everybody knows all of the awesome things that I am doing 24/7.  Even sleeping soundly I set up my phone to take a picture when I am in my deepest of sleep.  Look how awesome I am sleeping is the hashtag) Bautista and company fall to the floor and smash in 4 separate pieces.  I react very slowly.  Then Sara comes up with a brilliant plan.  It came out of the packaging like that.  As I tell the staff person my story, she gives me the “I know what you did” look and hands me another bobblehead.

Pet peeve #29.  Going through the drive-thru with somebody to grab breakfast, and they don’t know what they want to drink by the time the microphone person speaks up.  Drive-thru isn’t the himming and hawing area.  Go stand with Gord and Rose to talk about the shrubs inside of the restaurant if you are going to pull this nonsense.

The Path is a decent show.  It stars Aaron Paul from Breaking Bad and is about a cult.  Starts great, then lulls, but then hits hard near the end again.

I know that British Columbia is a beautiful place, but I find it funny that Canadians are so in love with the idea of “out-west”.  It’s the California of Canada.  Everything is just going to come together out-west.  Sitting on the edge of those Rockies – I will understand the meaning of life, but only out-west.  What should really be said? Everything is going to come together up-north.  You realize who you are when it’s been dark outside for 20 consecutive hours.

Top 3 things that happen at buck and doe’s (also known as stag and doe’s to people in the city) that people don’t know about

3 – Spirit of the West is only appreciated at exactly 12:59am.  If you play any-time before this you will be mocked.

2 – Flirting with the DJ while attempting to get your song played will not work.  You have “woooooood” 3 times, accidentally spit while you were talking twice, and nearly tripped on cables once.  Also, you requested a song that you don’t know the name to, and only know that the person’s name starts with “T”.

1 – Bringing the DJ drinks works every single fu**ing time

Speaking Dothraki with a Dyson Vacuum

Cleaning the bathroom is exactly what you want to do on a 30 degree beautiful Saturday morning.  Maybe my afternoon will be just as exciting.  Start off by doing my taxes, and end it with learning to speak Dothraki.

“You always win if you have dragons.”  These were Hitler’s last words.

Some of my favourite people in the world are the ones that can’t wait to get to the end of the joke, and just spit out the punch line mid-joke.  Women find these men much less desirable.

Complete and utter respect for the Raptors and their fan base.  Most of us are Raptor fans, but the people that are chanting “Let’s go Raptors” at the end of the decisive game 6 get huge props.  Hearing the chant in the background while LeBron’s giving his interview gave me chills.  This is one of the most underrated things about the love for sports.

My victory lap in high-school is one for the ages.  First semester:  Children’s Literature at 10am, and that was all.  Second semester:  Gym at 10am, and that was all.  All priorities went out the window.  It’s known in some circles as the year of the Budweiser.

One of the best teachers that I have ever had is retiring.  Mr. K was my drama teacher for a couple of semesters.  He is the one that got me out of my shell, big thanks to him.  And if you would like somebody to blame for my lack of filter when I speak you can blame him.

You always think that keeping score at a ball game will be a relaxing activity.  You see old men getting such joy out of writing down F-7 in the box score.  I guarantee that you don’t last 2 innings keeping score if you attempt this.  It takes a certain person to have this much attention to detail, and enjoy it.

Went deep into the internet matrix recently.  Found myself looking at cats sleeping in bowls for about 7 minutes.  My brain clicked in, and asked politely, but firmly.  “what the fu** are you doing?”

Heading to a new brewery in Cambridge today.  Barncat has opened up, and it’s about to get a fistful of dollars and a friendly (depending on the beer) hello from Kitchenerites.

Top 3 things that made me realize that I had to go to bed.

3  – Drinking out of the beer bottle that had cigarette butts in it.  Everybody from Letterkenny has done this so don’t say gross to me.

2 – Singing into a Heineken bottle instead of a microphone during a song on Rock Band.  The crowd began to boo, and I was just thinking.  “I sound so beautiful though, how am I losing?”

1 – Having my pants thrown off of a roof at a house party.  No explanation needed.

The man that invented Dyson that sounds so insightful on the commercials could sell me nearly anything.  You’re right I do need a holder for plastic bags.  They are just all over the place right now.  $30.00 – sure.  Where do I sign up?

The No Hitter

Looking out the window after a long hard day of his one and only class of Children’s Literature.  Smith thought to himself there is no way that they are going to be playing ball tonight.  Looks like rain, and that’s a mighty drive to Kincardine.  Just thinking about that beautiful cold case of Budweiser in the Admiral fridge from 1955 that was in the basement was almost enough for him to say forget it.

Then a small break in the clouds became a bit larger.  Hopping in the Eighty-Eight Oldsmobile. *before we move on here I would like to state that this is a stupid name for a car.  Especially if it’s not made in 1988.  It is very confusing.* Smith didn’t know what was about to be bestowed upon him.   On the way to the game you could feel something magical in the air, and it wasn’t passing by the KFC in Wingham.

Arriving at the game you saw the usual suspects hanging around their cars having beers and smokes.  None of them were fans, these were players.  After exchanging our usual high-fives and jokes about other team-mates mothers, we decided to get to work.  Even during the warm up I could feel the lucid delivery of a sharp lefthander.  Like a young David Wells getting to work.  Our catcher came up to me after the warm up and stated the following.  “Fuck Hencey, your breaking ball is fucking sharp.”  *Hencey was a former nickname of mine.  It basically means slow because of alcohol or drug use*

During the first couple of innings of this game, everything was moving fairly normal.  Smith was chuckin’ at a smooth 58mph.  Curve ball was looping, legs were flailing, and everything was working.  The third inning came around, and Smith was losing his control a little bit.  That’s when he noticed something.  The umpire was drunk.  He was calling strikes that were 3 to 4 inches inside or outside.  That’s when a lean lefty capitalized.  Two-two was locked in.  He pounded that zone for two straight innings.  Kincardine hitters had nothing to hit, and could do absolutely zero about it.

Fifth inning rolls around.  The umpire sadly has sobered up.  Hencey had to start pitching again.  Locking back in, he started to feel a bit of an uneasiness.  The curveball wasn’t quite as sharp, and he was going deeper into counts.  This is when the perfect game was lost.  Walking a batter with two out, and then having a screamer caught by the short-stop was the way that this inning ended.  Needing to relax, Smith goes up into the stands.  He pulls out an Export “A” ultra-lite to relieve the stress.  The Legionnaires put up a four spot that inning.  They developed a big lead.  All that needed to be done was to pitch another two innings.  At this point Kincardine realized that they were being no-hit.  It was time to bear down.

Sixth inning is where the magic started.  One out walk, and then a 3-2 count against their cleanup hitter.  He steps into a full-count offering.  Drills one right at the shins, Smith contorts his body in a way that has never been seen before and manages to catch the line drive between his legs on the back hand.  Falling down he noticed that the runner is well off the bag at first base.  Attempting to pick him off while doing an army roll….. The ball goes into the first base foul area about 10 feet away from the first baseman.  But what an effort.  Smith gets out of the inning unscathed.

7th inning.  The fog had rolled in from the lake.  Smith strikes out the first two batters on greasy curveballs.  Kincardine is down to their final out.  You can barely see in the sky anymore, the fog is unbearable.  This last batter needs to be k’d or it could be trouble.  54mph fastball is popped up on the infield.  Nobody can see it.  There’s chaos, then all of a sudden the first-baseman is screaming “GOT IT, GOT IT!” The ball lands safely in his glove.  Pandemonium breaks loose on the field.  After the hand-shakes at the conclusion of the game, venturing back to the parking lot, and lighting a few smokes; everybody knew that this day was going to go down in history as the greatest day in Legionnaire history.

The catcher walks up to Smith and asks. “Hencey what the fuck are we doing now?” Smith smirks and says “Let’s have 3 cheeseburgers from mickey d’s, and fuck off back to MoDean’s.”

Eating Dirt in Ireland with Fred Durst

There is a job for people to eat dog food to see how much they like it.  I am not sure if we as humans are a good judge for dog food taste.  I think you find the 5 most sophisticated dogs in the world and fly them all over the world for taste testing.  These dogs would be known as the Persian Pups.

Well that day has come.  I have actually uttered the words that I am watching my carbs.  In unison, my last Korn CD fell from the shelf of my hometown’s residence and smashed into 3 pieces that looked oddly similar to potato chips.

Is Fred Durst still doing it all for the Nookie?

To say that I am concerned about the Jays would be an understatement.  The starters have been great.  Donaldson and Bautista do what they do, but they are striking out a bunch, and are not taking a thinking approach to any at bats.

There should be more lemonade stands.  Those days of walking past a .25 cent stand are long gone.  Those were the days that you learnt about capitalism, and a Nintendo game was your 3 story house.  Now people just think that there will be a roofie pill in a lemonade given out on Victoria St in Kitchener.  Well, this might be a bad example, but you know what I mean.

I was never a child that ate dirt.  It didn’t smell, taste, or look appetizing.  I never judged Steven for it, but I always thought it was the incorrect move to eat it.

Sara, Sarah, and I leave for Ireland in June.  Sarah is a friend that Sara met on the AT.  We are hiking a couple of trails.  Should I say Sara 1 or just say Wife when attempting to get my significant others attention?  I find that most women don’t like to be called Wife.  They always believe that we are going to say something extremely sexist right after.

I have found a new massage therapist.  I knew that she was the one when she spoke of wanting to have a jackhammer to loosen up my shoulder, and then made the noises of a jackhammer.

Everybody Wants Some – 9.0/10

The Invitation – 8.7/10

It’s very strange when people just seem to fall off the face of the earth.  Then you think about them years later, and say.  “I forgot that they even existed.”  Then I go back to enjoying my drinking box and apple slices.

Descendants in Kitchener finally opened up.  It’s been many months of this beautiful sign outside that on Victoria St that says coming soon.  Daryl and a few family members walked through the door with glee – trying one of everything, to our dismay it was the no name pizza pops of craft brewers in the area.

The movie Keanu looks like a great movie.  It’s done by Key and Peele.  Watch the trailer and if you are able to go through the whole trailer without saying “aaaahhhh” you are a terminator, and are probably sent here to kill 4 humans over the next 7 years.

Cheers to those awkward times where your foot slides on something, it sounds like you farted.  You look around nervously.  But nobody has seemed to notice.

My proudest moment as a human being is after driving 14 consecutive hours trying to get to Florida, a friend of mine asked me if I my ears just popped after going down a massive decline on a road.  I stated to him that I didn’t have any ears.  That was the point of my life where I knew that I was hilarious.

Adapting to the New Age of Interaction

We are in the era of frauds and glossiness. You can create any type of social media personality that you like. People don’t know what’s real. If you only want to show one side of yourself you can do that. I think that it’s only going to get worse. When all you can see is how successful people are; or all of the cool things that they are doing. It makes you feel terrible about yourself. So when you feel awful about yourself you prefer not to have people see that side so you post fantastic things that you are doing. And the cycle goes on and on.

One thing that is certain is that nobody is as extraordinary or interesting as they appear to be on social media. If this was the case then I would constantly be traveling, going to concerts, watching movies, and drinking craft beer. Never a dull day in the life of Daryl Smith. It’s not very interesting writing that I just watched the news at the gym, went to work, and then came home to watch mindless TV for the next few hours. Who the hell wants to read about that?

Some people don’t require physical relationships with friends any longer. They can get their social need through online interaction only. I am not built this way, there is still a need in me to have social experiences being in the same room with other people. Not just through the screen of my computer. You can’t really look down upon this though. It’s just the evolution of mankind. We are currently in the awkward state of transition from in person to online. There is no stopping it. You can post as much as you like about putting your phones down in social atmospheres – it’s only going to continue to be more prevalent. Is it bad? I don’t know. It’s just evolution baby.

To think that your generation was so much better because you played outside is silly. Every generation believes that they had the best music, movies, upbringing, and people. Every generation complained about the previous generation. It’s so much more in your face this time because it’s online. I attempt to keep a balance. Going out when I am feeling a bit too suffocated. Trying to keep my emotions in check while flipping through my social media sites. Nobody in the world is having a better time than certain people on my Facebook feed. You need to remember what they were like when you actually knew them in person versus this entity that they created online.

There is also the other side of the social media spectrum. The people that air all of their grievances online. Festivus for the rest of us. All of their issues and all of their venom on social media fronts. For people that do this, this is the only side that we see. People roll their eyes at you while going through their feed. Think of social media as advertising for yourself. How do you want people to portray you? Most people have a small group of friends that they see on a consistent basis. Social media is the only way to interact with 90% of people that once knew you or know you through somebody else. Bad things happen to people, and there are injustices in this world on a daily basis. Choose what you decide to post wisely. Once it’s up there, it may stay up there for good.

What I do know is that regardless of how many memes you put up about people socializing the old-fashioned way, this freight train is not going to stop. Instead of complaining about it, find a balance. What works for you? Society will not move backwards on this front. You can only control how you interact with other people. Stop focusing on the way everybody else socializes, and please for the love of Ozzy Osbourne and all things that are awesome stop re-posting pictures of things that you remember from the past. Picture of an easy-bake oven. Re-post if you remember this. I don’t give a shit!

Till next time when I post something that probably contradicts with something else that I posted in the past. This is Hosehead. Have a great week. Now, time to get ready for my trip to the Canary Islands by having a craft beer, listening to vinyl, and purchasing tickets to see Kurt Vile in Buffalo.