Top 5 Albums of 2017

This was a tough year to do this.  The emergence of Spotify in my daily life has made it more difficult for the whole album experience.  Only through sheer will and might was it possible to create a top 5 like never before (I base this on nothing).

5.

Arbouretum – Song of the Rose

This is a back to basics rock band that relies heavily on the vocals of their lead singer Dave Heumann.  While listening to this entire album I envision Dave standing on a mountain top with his long wind blowing in the wind bellowing these beautiful medieval lyrics.  This type of music is such a rarity now.  Straight forward guitar chords and drum beats that wrap themselves around the lead singer of the band.  I could see this album coming out in the late 70’s and being the opening band for a Deep Purple concert.  It’s a refreshing take on a style of music that has nearly been long forgotten.  Slow grooves (Dead Meadow’esque) rock the rest of the album after Fall From an Eyrie which is the highlight of the album.  All in all it’s a wonderful rock and roll album that will have you giving a double take at the year that it actually came out.

4.

The War on Drugs – A Deeper Understanding

It’s difficult for me to even rank this album.  When a band comes out with maybe the album of the decade (Lost in the Dream) how do you follow that up?  Their approach for this record is simple.  It’s basically a spin off of the song “Under the Pressure” from the aforementioned album.  Each song is a wonderful medley of a mumbling Adam Grunduciel that is kind of a mix of Bob Dylan, Bruce Springsteen, and Bryan Adams.  The vibe of the band is still phenomenal, and their live show is even better.  This album is the kind of background music that you can throw and every person that experienced Woodstock or wanted to experience Woodstock will be head-bobbing asking who this band is.  There is absolutely no question about it – this is a throw back to blue collar 80’s rock and roll.  One thing is certain they have perfected the chill vibe – putting you at ease like a bed-time story – followed with a 3 minute guitar solo.  Pain is the song to hear – enjoy.

 

3.

Real Estate – In Mind

Why mess with something that works so beautifully?  Real Estate does not go off of the tracks often.  The gorgeous beach vibe chords meshed with a flowing soft voice – that has been their bread and butter since day one.  Their main function to you is to make you feel like life is going to be good to you.  There is not a care in the world when any Real Estate album.  As mentioned in years their sound feels like you cleaning up your house after a wonderful house party the next day.  Sun is shining, birds are chirping, and you are slightly fighting dehydration.  This album has kind of stuck with me since it’s release.  I wasn’t overly impressed at the beginning, but as with nearly every one of their previous records it begins to imprint itself onto your soul.  The modern day Beach Boys wouldn’t be a stretch here.  Darling is the song to focus on here.

 

2.

L.A. Witch – Self Titled

This band came out of nowhere.  Three early twenties women that have a sound that is so bloody cool.  Like a Tarantino movie if it was made into music.  Their lead singer/guitarist Sade Sanchez is an absolute presence in every regard.  Whether it be her garage rock style of guitar playing or her Janis Joplin type of raspy singing.  The band revolves around her completely.  There isn’t an album that I’ve played more this year.  Each week I would wait for another single from the album to come out and be amazed when it was just as good as the previous.  There isn’t any other way to put this – there isn’t a cooler band out there in the world than these three ladies.  Drive Your Car is the single that really gets this thing going.

 

1.

Beach Fossils – Somersault

Well, this was an unexpected surprise.  The boys from Beach Fossils were at one time Real Estate lite.  They  have grown into an absolute powerhouse of a band with the adding melody and multiple instruments.  They have always had a nice vibe to them.  An easy- to-listen to approach.  This album still has those components.  What it adds is more depth to the band.  Giving them a sustainability they may not have had before.  Flowing vocals, beautiful acoustics, and percussion’s that play with a sense of urgency that I had not heard previously.  This could be the start of something great if they are able to keep the momentum of this album going.  Looking forward to what’s next.  Be Nothing and Sugar are the best two songs of the album.

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What is wrong with the Jays

Well, this could easily be a 300-page novel. But let’s break it down into steps. The Jays are off to their worst start in franchise history. Nobody really anticipated this type of start even with the offense drying up like it has; especially with the staff and bullpen being solid. But here we are. What happens if things stay the same?

The Jays do not have a prototypical lead-off hitter. The closest thing that resembles one is Devon Travis. Unfortunately, Travis hasn’t gotten on base very often in the early part of this season. There is no table setting happening. During the off-season, Dexter Fowler was targeted but ended up signing with the Cards for big money.

Jose Bautista was brought back to lessen the sting of losing EE’s bat. Jose until the past couple of years could be penciled in for 30 home runs and 100 RBI’s with an OBP of .370 every single season. This Jose is gone. The Jays would settle for 25 HR and 80 RBI’s now. That looks like it might even be a stretch.

Troy Tulowitzki is expected to be 80% of Colorado Tulo. It looks as though he’s going to be a .250 hitter with around 70 RBI’s. Which is below what is expected.

Russell Martin has been absolutely awful offensively for the past two years other than a hot month last year. His value is definitely on how he handles the pitching staff. Batting him 6th day in and day out is an awfully short-sighted move by Gibby.  Every game you see Martin up in big situations and not only getting out but doing nothing positive. Striking out, popping out or hitting into DP’s.

Clutch hitting. This is a non-existent phrase for this current version of the Jays.

How do you fix this?

The First move that I would make on Monday is firing Brook Jacoby. The league has adjusted to your long ball or bust lineup. Especially when you have just lost one of the most feared bats in the majors. When you have a team that is striking out in the double digits every game you cannot win that is unless you are hitting the long ball (which they are not). Jacoby has to go to send a message to this team that this is not acceptable

If by the middle of the season the Jays aren’t sitting around the .500 mark you need to look at moving pieces to restock the cupboard that AA made bare a couple of years ago. If you have witnessed what teams have received for top tier starters over the past 3 or 4 years you will not be shocked by this. It’s reasonable to think that each of Happ, Estrada, Liriano would fetch one or two top tier prospects.

Tulo and Martin both need to be sold off. The Jays will have to eat part of their contracts. 15-17 million for a stellar defensive catcher that can’t hit a lick is far too expensive. Martin’s leadership is unquestioned, and he deserves huge credit for getting this team back to the playoffs, but his time with the Jays should be coming to an end. You can see the writing on the wall with Tulo. The MVP seasons of Tulo are far behind him. He’s still a fantastic defender, and will still get you 70-80 RBI’s. Unfortunately, he makes 20 million a year. The Jays need to move him while he still has some value. Both of these players are proven winners, and based on that alone they should fetch something.

If by the trade deadline the Jays don’t have the playoffs in sight look at moving Josh Donaldson and Jose Bautista. This comes with an asterisk. If Donaldson is willing to sign long term then I am all for that. But knowing the type of player Donaldson is he will want to play for a winner during his prime. The amount that the Jays would receive back for a player like Donaldson would be substantial. Bautista is a different story. He’s only on a one-year contract and may be a lightning in a bottle type player for a playoff bound team.

If by the end of the season the Jays are still floundering – you fire Gibby. Gibbons is not the right manager for a team that is looking for an influx of youth. He’s a guiding hand for a veteran team, but he definitely isn’t known for his tactical managing or teaching ability.

It’s still extremely early. But a 1-9 start out of the gates is cannot be ignored. The Blue Birds also had an awful spring which also cannot be discounted. The one thing that this team has going for it is that their staff is excellent. Might be the best in baseball. It can keep the team in games, but without a complete philosophy change at the plate, this team will continue to frustrate their managers and their fans. Adapt or die – this team is currently doing the latter. It will be an interesting trade deadline if things continue to stay the same.

One last thought on this. I really think that this could be very similar to when the Red Sox traded the majority of their high-priced talent (Gonzalez, Crawford, Beckett) away to the Dodgers, and did a complete rebuild on the fly. The Red Sox had one down year and then were right back in the division race once their kids were ready to contribute. Donaldson and Morales are both excellent middle of the lineup bats. I expect Travis to bounce back, and be a productive hitter. Stroman and Sanchez are top end starters. Osuna is a stud closer. This isn’t a playoff team in my eyes currently, but I don’t think that the Jays fall into that multiple year slide of years past. This team could bounce back as soon as 2019 if they get the right pieces back for their assets. Once again I know it’s early, but I am not optimistic about a complete turnaround this year. My fingers will be crossed that I am wrong about all of these things.  I also just witnessed Gibby call for a bunt while watching the game.  Maybe old dogs can learn new tricks.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Anticipating 2017

I am not much for New Year Resolutions.  But, here’s a few things that I am going to attempt to curve or change for the upcoming year.

Limit my social media.  You would think that with the amount of things that are posted that you would actually learn something new or at least be able to have a chuckle at some thing.  This is not the case.  One thing is clear.  We find one topic and tear it apart until every single blade of the topic has been picked, and all that’s remaining is a wasteland of memes and wasted time.

Read more books.  There is so much good literature out there that nobody has ever heard of.  There isn’t a much more satisfying moment of setting that completed book down.  Hopefully this will equate to less of the above point.  This will require me to pay off my library fine unfortunately.  I feel that the library should send you a hand written letter when your book is super-overdue.  Also, if you are trying to right a wrong in retail; write a letter with pencil.  You will never see a company jump as quick as when head-office receives something written in pencil.

Look for more music.  There is quality music out there even if you don’t want to believe it.  Using Spotify and Apple Music has allowed me to find bands and solo artists that I never knew existed.  I am currently listening to Solange on Spotify, and it’s absolutely fantastic.  I know it’s extremely easy to get into that routine of only listening to what you know.  There are 75 radio stations that agree with you.  30 day challenge.  Find a solid album every 30 days, and post a review online about it.

See more live things.  Plays, music, stand up.  Need to support these artists.  There is so much talent out there, and they continue to struggle while fu**ing Chewbacca Mom becomes insta-famous.

Then there’s the obvious.  Eat healthier, hit the gym, less take out food.  This should always be a New Year goal for each and every person.

Stop eating those memberberries.  Reminiscing and focusing on when times were a certain way.  Brexit and Trump are both causes of memberberries.  People need to adjust to what the world creates.

Spend more face to face time with people.  Internet friends are cool, but nothing can replace the in person pint discussing what the Jays should do next with their ball club.

Try to only post original thoughts on Twitter and Facebook.  Need to keep this brain moving and shaking.  Can’t fall into the trap of complaining and trying to change every single thing that’s wrong with this world.

Farmers Market vegetables yo.  This is such an easy change.  There is a market that’s a 15 min walk from my place every Saturday morning.

Have a Happy New Year.

 

 

 

 

Challenging all People in Deck Shoes to a Duel.

I don’t DJ all that much now, but when I do I have to ask for help of what’s popular to dance to.  So…. Lady Gaga isn’t popular anymore?  What about Pearl Jam?  You don’t know who Pearl Jam is?  Well, let me show you Alive.  What do you mean this is terrible?

There isn’t a bone in my body that enjoys UFC.  It actually makes me feel uncomfortable.  They should have cute dogs barking at them while the neanderthals scrap.

It’s a well known fact that I am not good with children.  There is nothing to talk about with them.  But I did find out that telling them that they are a moron for thinking that The Secret Life of Pets is the best movie of the year is frowned upon.

Secret Life of Pets – 7.5/10

Rapping is extremely difficult.  Many times people have attempted it at karaoke, but most fail miserably.  Becoming out of breath by just talking seems like a waste of energy.

Tacos have become the new bacon.  I have grown tired of those memes.  Show me something original.  Medium sized white man wearing a pastel green shirt, asking for a box of gobstoppers for dinner.  It doesn’t make sense, but at least it’s original.

White Reebok shoes and a good pair of deck shoes would take you through a good 10 years of your life as a middle-aged man in the late 80’s and early 90’s.

Foxy Hamilton is a good name for an Exotic Dancer or a Private Detective from Harlem in the late 70’s.

Purchased NHL 17 today.  There were two options.  The standard game for $49.99 or the game with the figurine of Vladimir Tarasenko for $49.99.  I stated that I would take the game with the action figure for $49.99.  I also stated that the action figure was for my nephew.  Then, I stated that I don’t know why I said that.  This was the end of this transaction.  A simple purchase that became horribly awkward by D Smith.

One thing that is probably a common saying in most people’s households today.  “Let’s have a burger tonight.  I am so fu**ing sick of turkey that I never want to eat it again.  Fu** you turkey.”  That might be a bit aggressive at the end, but at least the first part could be accurate.

Was never a huge fan of Toucan Sam.  Always thought his noise would find other cereals as well as Fruit Loops.  There many cereals that smell like sniffing a bag of sweet tarts.

There is an always an awkward time when people look around the room for the guy that was laughing when somebody got their head chopped of in a horror movie.  Sorry!  I don’t know why I find this humorous.

Top 3 Christmas moments if you received a horse as a gift.

  1. Pulling the horse along the icy sidewalk yesterday morning.  Oh, that would have been a treat.  “Come on Bucky, maybe you should have better shoes on?”
  2. Feeding the horse only Kraft Dinner to see what happens.
  3. Stating to people that you would like to challenge them to a duel while riding your horse triumphantly around Victoria St at 7am on Boxing Day morning.

 

 

 

Top 5 Albums of 2016

Top 5 Albums of 2016

 

  1. Preoccupations – Preoccupations

Preoccupations is a throw-back album to the industrial era of music.  They settle right in between the Jesus and Mary Chain and My Bloody Valentine.  Growling vocals, moody baselines, and matching drums and guitar strokes makes this album memorable and unique.  2016 wasn’t a great year for music in my personal opinion.  But when this album kind of fell into my lap while looking into old Echo and the Bunnymen records.  Preoccupations don’t make any apologies for the type of music that they have released.  They aren’t looking for that one single that will make them relevant.  The best song on the album is a 12 minute marathon of multiple layered dimensions of every style of industrial that has been acknowledged.  There is something about this album that I can’t put my finger on that I love which is why I love it.  Nick Cave meets Echo and the Bunnymen at a Wolf Parade concert.  Memory is the best song on the album.  This record isn’t a juggernaut, but it’s solid all the way through.

  1. David Bowie – Blackstar

It’s obvious that the death of David Bowie will be felt all over the music scene.  But the amazing thing about Bowie is that he didn’t fade away.  He created a masterpiece of music while fighting off cancer.  This album is completely different from multiple Bowie eras.  It doesn’t have a lot of that 80’s feel.  It doesn’t have the early rock feel.  It also doesn’t have that space feel from the early 90’s.  Blackstar is its own entity – sounding nothing like what he has released previously.   Bowie used horns, saxophones, piano, computers, and of course the usual instruments.  Every sound of this record is a well thought out feeling.  There are two stand out singles on this record – Blackstar and Lazarus.  Of all of the fantastic people that passed away in 2016 David Bowie is the one that affected me the most.  If you just go through his catalogue of music you will find something new nearly every time.  Fantastic artist and a beautiful final album.

 

  1. Car Seat Headrest – Teens of Denial

I had zero expectations for this album.  I already had it pegged as a super aggressive no talent millennial that was looking for a hook to get that one single noticed and become famous from there.  I was flat out wrong.  This mid-20’s Asian man named Will Toledo can play the fu**ing guitar.  If you miss Dinosaur Jr. and Stephen Malkmus have a listen to this album.  It’s raw, it’s emotional, and the best thing about it is it doesn’t sell out.  This album vomits all over your Drake sweater and doesn’t apologize for it.  Vincent and Destroyed by Hippie Powers are the two stand out tracks on this album.  Top to bottom though it’s a thrashing good time.  This might be the live show that I look most forward to when he decides to come back to Toronto.  Refreshing as a glass of Hi-C when you were 13 years old.  Music is in good hands if Car Seat Headrest becomes popular.

 

  1. Radiohead – A Moon Shaped Pool

Radiohead is the best band on the planet currently.  They continue to show this each and every time that they release an album.  A Moon Shaped Pool is no different.  There is just something about this band.  They know exactly the feel of the album that is required to stay relevant and fantastic.  Try to describe this band to anybody that listens to another not quite as respected genre of music – oh let’s just say country for the heck of it.  They will not understand what the big deal is with Radiohead.  You will be left shaking your head to yourself at the end of the conversation.  The vibe, the feel, the sounds, the instruments – everything is mathematically calculated similar to a casino sound for your brain to enjoy and to accept that this band is a unique group that may never be duplicated. Burn the Witch is the best song on the album, but there are quite a few 5 star singles.  Does this record get to the areas of greatness such as the Bends and In Rainbows – I don’t think so, but it was still the best record of the year up until the last month when…

 

  1. A Tribe Called Quest – We Got It From Here

It must have been a few months ago when I heard that this album was going to be released.  I decided to go back and listen to their catalogue.  Why can’t rap sound like this again?  There are actual instruments in this record.  There is fluid vocal stream from each member of the band. Samples that are relevant to the feel of the song.  There is absolutely no question that this is the best rap album for 2016.  But, then there’s the fact of being the best album of the year.  This masterpiece has everything.  Top to bottom listening capability.  Head bobbing and extremely intelligent lyrics.  Fluid motion that is required for a top notch rap album.  I miss this sound being played on my iPod.  There are multiple fantastic singles on We Got It From Here.  I am not sure that I can even attempt to pick one out.  Number 1 without even a question.  If you can beat a Radiohead album out on Hosehead’s Top 5 albums you have done something right.  You should be proud of yourselves gentlemen.

ALCS Preview

ALCS Preview

If you are wondering exactly who the Cleveland Indians are I will explain.  They are a well-managed scrappy bunch of hitters that have a fantastic bullpen, and suspect starting pitching.  Sounds oddly familiar to the team that the Jays lost to last year.  What seems to be different about this Jays team is that they are able to answer when the opposition puts up some runs.  Even though I was secretly rooting to play the Indians instead of the Red Sox; this will be no cake-walk to the World Series.

Let’s start with where the Jays have the biggest advantage – starting pitching.  The Jays have 4 starters that they could throw out there for game 1 without any question.  Estrada, Happ, Sanchez, and Stroman.  If I were in Gibby’s shoes I would throw out the exact same rotation to the Indians that they threw at the Rangers.  The Indians have Cory Kluber.  He’s a former Cy Young winner that has had a very good season, but the Jays have some decent numbers against him.  They have two very good pitchers that are both injured currently in Salazar and Carrasco.  The Jays are definitely dodging a bullet with this.  Josh Tomlin and Trevor Bauer are the other two starters that the Jays will most certainly see.  This is a heavy edge for the Jays and they will need to jump out to leads early in games to capitalize on this.  Salazar has a chance to be back for this series, but this is still a big question mark for the Indians.

Bullpen – The difference in the bullpen will be Andrew Miller.  He’s an absolute nightmare for lefties and righties.  The lumbering lefty came to the Indians in a deadline deal with the Yanks, and has been lights out since his arrival.  Cody Allen is a solid closer and Bryan Shaw is a very good 7th inning arm.  The Jays will need to play ahead to stay away from the back end of the Indians bullpen.  Roberto Osuna is the key for the Jays.  He has been dynamite.  Gibby has relied quite heavily on his 21 year old closer, and will probably continue to do so at least until Benoit is back from injury.  The one area that the Jays are really hurting is situational lefty spots.  Cecil has been inconsistent, Liriano is a starter by nature and might still not be ready to go, and Loup – well is Loup.  This is the one area that the Indians can expose the Jays.

Lineup – This will be more evenly matched then people assume.  The Indians are excellent at getting on base.  They walk a pile, and don’t strike out nearly as much as the Jays do.  Where the Jays can excel is once again by hitting with power.  Other than Napoli the Indians don’t have a true power hitter.  They will walk, single, and double you to death.  This lineup is good from top to bottom.  Not an easy out in there. On the other side we have seen murderer’s row heat up (minus Bautista’s game 3).  If we continue to see Donaldson, Encarnacion, Bautista, and Tulo hitting the way that they currently are the Indians will have a tough time dealing with this Jays lineup.  This is the Jays that I was expecting from opening day.  A quick strike offence that could erase 2 and 3 run leads with one swing of a bat.  The Indians current set of starters other than Kluber are not strike out heavy pitchers.  They are finesse pitchers that will try to pick corners constantly, and make you get yourselves out.

In the end I don’t think the Indians have the depth at starting pitching to make it out of this series.  With a healthy Salazar and Corrasco I think they would have the edge against the Jays.  The Jays will continue to hit the ball well, and the Indians will have a tough time keeping up against the best staff in the AL.

Jays in 6

Thoughts of a Childless, Middle-aged Man

I don’t have children.  I don’t want children.  I have no problem with children, and you may have as many as you like.

As a married 38 year old man I have had to answer this question constantly.  “Why don’t you have any children?”  I am sure this question has come up for Sara more often; when you have been married for a number of year’s people assume that there must be something wrong with either yourself or your spouse.  Some people are built to be mothers and fathers.  Enjoy every aspect of it.  And others *insert a picture of Sara and I giving the thumbs up* are not.

I am sure that this was a more difficult conversation decades ago.  Sara and I haven’t had that tough of a time with it.  Most people can see the type of personality that we have as a couple, and know that having a child would probably rip at every fabric that makes us tick.  The pressures seem to come mainly from a couple of different areas from me internally.  Needing somebody that I can live vicariously through, and needing somebody to carry on my name or legacy.

These are two things that can go in the nice to have category, but cannot be used to pull the trigger so to speak.  Sure, it would be great if I had a little boy that was instantly 12 years old and absolutely loved baseball, golf, and hockey.  Was a straight “A” student, extremely popular without being a douche, and went on to be successful in every single aspect of his entire life.  Just came straight out of the womb like that.  Sign me up for that exchange program.  Trading in Donald Trump for that scenario would be ideal.

There are other reasons why bearing children does not interest me.  I have no interest in raising anybody into this world that we have created.  It’s an utter mess.  Violence of course, but more importantly ignorance in both religion and global warming.  If you had a car with a tire that had a 3 inch hole in it and there were no other tires available.  Would you drive the car, and think to yourself “that hole won’t get any bigger.”  Or would you attempt to summon somebody from the sky that possibly doesn’t exist to give you a new tire.”  Or, the third option.  Give up a small amount of your empire to try to seal the hole in the tire?

As I grow older it’s strange.  You expect to have that moment when everything just clicks.  Knowing exactly what needs to be done to allow a 60 year old Daryl everything that he could possibly desire.  This moment hasn’t struck yet.  The set plan that I see on every Freedom 55 commercial is the following.  “Yeah, saving 25% of my $100,000/year job is easy.  Retirement is right around the corner.”  Unfortunately, many people are working multiple jobs to make ends meet for their $500,000 mortgage on that 2 bedroom bungalow that was half of that price 5 years ago.

There is another issue.  The rat-race is real when you get that first grown-man job.    Maybe it’s immaturity or maybe it’s boredom of the everyday.  I just don’t have a set schedule.  To come home every day and follow up on the latest seasons of the 9 different shows that I am currently watching sounds like an absolute nightmare to me.  And now that I have a 9-5 Monday-Friday grown up job I feel myself falling into this pattern.  It’s terrifying.  Is this the beginning of my middle-aged boredom?

What’s next?  Coming up on 40, don’t have kids to keep myself occupied.  Many of you that do have kids would just love a few hours of free-time.  Hearing a DINK (dual income no kids) describe his issues of having too much free time must really grind your gears.  Can you let me get back to my middle-aged whining now?  Geez, so selfish.   It’s the complete opposite side of the spectrum.  Sara and I are fairly active, but my tendency to not be able to relax can drive her crazy at times.  There are instances where I swear that she wishes that I had too much to drink the night before so my need for activities would slow down.

Even though I don’t have any answers whatsoever I still try new things out to fill the hole.   Is this the canyon that people constantly try to fill with children?  Maybe it is.  Some people fill it with alcohol or drugs.  Others fill it with sports and volunteering.  I don’t have a passion.  There are many things that I enjoy doing, and I feel that I am a well-rounded person – is there a pie chart of things that will keep me occupied and content?

Most of this is a ramble.  Confusion of a middle-aged, middle-classed, childless male that would like somebody to access his brain to create a calendar of events for the next 25 years of his life.  If I only had an extremely wonderful event planner that worked in that area of my brain.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone.  This is one holiday that I absolutely adore.

John Gibbons: The Encino Man

I am not really sure when I got off of the South Park train, but I am sure glad that I am back on.  Weekly story lines that portray to the exact things that are going on in the world at that exact time. Using characters from the show to portray the stupidity of the human race.  It doesn’t get any more genius than that.

Are the Hydro one people still calling people to give them job interviews without knowing anything about the person – then not telling the person what they are applying for or if they applied at all?

“We would like to bring you in for an interview.”

“Who is this?”

“Doesn’t matter.  We would like to hire you.”

Businesses that use sign twirlers must have zero respect for the dignity of a human being.  We would like you to stand at this corner with a sign and twirl.”  You are one step above a hydro pole and one step below the flailing arms man.

There is an exception to the rule though.  I did see a dance off once between the Little Caesars man and a dude in a pita suit.  That made my day.  I sat across the road on a patio with wings sauce all over my face laughing hysterically for 37 minutes.  Polishing off pitcher after pitcher of Bud Lite and elbowing guys next to me to ask if they are seeing this.  It was a great day.

While at Playdium last week I pondered why I didn’t enjoy myself quite as much as in the past while shooting baskets into a net that was 3 feet away.  It wasn’t the fact that my arm could almost touch the rim, and it seemed to a bit too easy.  It was the fact that they don’t give out paper tickets anymore, and put the tickets on the card instead.  There was nothing better than seeing that machine spit out 50 tickets.  You would stomp up to that desk, and demand the pencil with Snoopy on it like a mutha-fu**in’ boss.  Then go back and waste another $20.00 trying to get the Charlie Brown pencil sharpener; because by golly you haven’t owned a pencil sharpener in 16 years.

To work at a record shop you need to have an attitude.  That’s one of the requirements.  If somebody comes in asking for a particular record that you don’t carry; they must feel shame for even liking that band.

I wouldn’t even hire John Gibbons to run my slo-pitch team.  I would rather have a blind dog that barks only because he can’t see what’s going on making the decisions.  I would hold up signs and ask the dog to bark at which lineup card that he would prefer to go with.  Sorry Johnny boy, unless you make it past the first round this year you will no longer be there to eat your hay and have naps in the dugout.

The Hunt for the Wilder People – 9.6/10

Oktoberfest – the only part that is good is that you are celebrating drinking.  Food’s terrible, polka’s terrible, and they are serving the extremely authentic German classics Budweiser and Coors Lite.

The lowest form of human interaction is the ‘share if you remember this pictures’ that are circulating Facebook.  Yes, I remember 8 track players.  Why do you want me to share this?  You want me to share this for no other reason than they existed at some point and I listened to music on them?   This goes to the same part of the brain that secretly enjoyed Encino Man.

For those that don’t remember Encino Man.  It was a film that starred Pauly Shore and Brendan Fraser.  They were put to the test of their acting ability in this absolute gem.  Finger waving jocks and car driving Neanderthals.  It doesn’t get any better.

Going Back in Time with Will Ferrell

Even as the words came out of my mouth I knew that they didn’t make any sense.  “I thought Sausage Party would be a little bit wittier and smarter.”  It’s called Sausage Party.  Why would I think that?

The golf clubs might be hung up for another year.  They went out with a high, and it’s very unlikely that they will strike the ball that well for the rest of the year.  It’s called the George Castanza. You go out on top, and don’t look back.  The high for me is shooting an 84.

If you uttered or thought the comment “was that on 9”; you have no shot in the stand-up comedy scene.  Any laugh that you receive on that joke is called a pity laugh, and most people hope that you go away after saying it.

I was notified today by Sara that there are people drilling holes in new iPhone 7 thinking that there headphones would work after this was done.  These people should be put down.

Trump and Hillary have a debate coming up this weekend.  The person on the news believes that Trump is more likely to say something that will hurt his chances than Hillary.  On the contrary.  He could state that blowing up the moon with laser cats is a good idea, and he wouldn’t lose one supporter.

Sausage Party – 5.6/10

Where has the smart humor gone?  There hasn’t been a solid comedy that has come out in a few years.  They actually usually coincide with the good of Will Ferrell and every time Wes Anderson releases a flick.

There is new music to talk about as well.  Have you been missing the sounds of Echo and the Bunnymen?  No, or never heard of them?  Well, move on.  If your answer was yes.  Then have a listen to the self-titled album by the Preoccupations.  It’s one of the first solid albums of 2016.

Our Lady Peace and I Mother Earth are playing Halloween night at Centre in the Square.  Rumors are that when the clock strikes 10pm on Halloween night with these two bands and their original line up together that every fan will be transported to a half-price flannel sale in 1995.

Sunday morning is excellent for banana pancakes and the largest coffee that you can possibly find.  You will have a weird sugar and caffeine high clutching your pro-line tickets watching the clock with anticipation until 1pm when football starts. You will then hit a wall at 1pm after you come down from the high, and probably have a nap at 1:47pm watching a scoreless Bills/Cardinals game.

I am debating buying goaltending equipment to begin to play hockey again.  Then I remember how much damn equipment that you need to be a goalie.  I also remember how much getting hit in the groin by a puck hurts.  You always have that guy that’s on your team in warmups that wants to show how hard his slap-shot is from the hash marks.  He never knows where it’s going, and his laugh is similar to a stoned Seth Rogen.  Even after saying all of this I have opened 3 Kijiji ads for hockey equipment.

As we watch the Blue Jays march towards that Wild Card Playoff game remember that getting to the playoffs is a fu**ing difficult thing to do as a mid-market team in the AL East.  Enjoy every moment of it.

Professor X Searching for Fashion on Victoria St in Kitchener

It’s been a while since I have attempted to access the part of my brain that requires thoughts and wisdom.  I feel like Professor Xavier going into Cerebro looking for his mutants.  Only this time I am looking for my mutants that enjoy this type of writing.  You should all be ashamed of yourselves.

If Billy Joel asked me to go for a coffee at a Tim Horton’s that was 3 blocks away I don’t think I would go.  The only thing that I might mention while sipping on my coffee that I wish was a bit cooler so I could leave quicker would be “So, Piano Man is an ok song.  Probably in my top 1000 songs of all-time.”

Has anybody ever asked for a dog that doesn’t poop?  That is the biggest downfall with owning a pet.  Why can’t they just have their waste go through their skin like a shark?  I have tasted fermented shark in Iceland.  It tastes exactly like what you would assume pee would taste like.  It also got stuck in between two of my teeth so the supposed taste of pee was in stuck in between my teeth for two hours.  Now that’s insanity.

Sara cut her hike on the Sunshine Coast Trail short due to stepping on hornets nest.  She described the event as apocalyptic in nature, and just like if the apocalypse were to happen today; she continued to look for her phone that she dropped while hornets stung her.

Going to see Rodriguez tonight at Centre in the Square.  The show is sold out, if you still haven’t watched the documentary “Searching for Sugar Man” – watch it this weekend.

Sometimes I drive by certain retail stores in strip malls and wonder if they have even seen a customer for the past week?  New York Fashion on Victoria is right beside an emissions test place and a body shop for cars place.  Just want to open up the door and yell “why did you think this was a good idea?”

NFL season has started up.  Other-wise known as a gambling man’s wet dream.  I feel as though the sales of salsa and French onion dip sky-rocket at this time of year.   There is nothing better than drowsing off with your hand slightly in a bag of Ruffles regular chips and your team up by 14 points with 3 minutes to go in a game.

There was a very strange/short time of people deciding to smoke tobacco vapes indoors, and people allowing it.   Non-smokers went through emotions of we know this is wrong, should we say something, is it even illegal, and what the hell is going on?

When you travel are you looking for different looking rocks on the beach and bringing them home?  What are you doing with these rocks?  People will show me these rocks, and my first instinct is to chuck it into the ocean, and call them an idiot.  Sorry, I know it’s a bit harsh, but you are being an idiot.

After I pass away it seems like a cool idea of having my ashes planted with a tree.  The trees best traits would be to grow extremely slowly, and have multiple comfortable places to sit.  It would also have an unusually cold hole that you could store refreshments.

Sing Street – 8.8/10

Captain America:  Civil War – 6.4/10

Jungle Book – 9.1/10

Marvel has this down to a science.  Just roll out that mathematical equation of different characters and vomit of ridiculous action that people can stuff their face full of popcorn muttering to themselves “this is so cool.”

Our neighbor is a middle-aged white man that is constantly standing on the side walk with no shirt on constantly smoking a cigarette.  Sometimes he is talking to somebody or himself.  I am not sure there is a possible situation that you could be less productive than this man.