Waterloo

Moaning and Groaning with Don Flamenco

Posted on by Hosehead

Why do people put their heads in tight areas?  I’ve never understood anybody getting their head stuck in between two posts in the stairwell.  It’s pretty easy.  If you don’t need to put your head in an area that it may not make it out – don’t do it.

My favourite old interview comment is from the Beatles back in the day.

Reporter: Is Ringo the best drummer in the world?

John Lennon:  Ringo isn’t even the best drummer in the Beatles.

Currently I’m playing coed slo-pitch with coworkers.  Nobody takes things all that seriously.  Except for the 62-year-old man that we played against this past week.  He questioned the rules of the height of the pitch.  Then the ump went back at him saying that it’s always been that way.  The 62-year-old man was not satisfied with this answer.  He then began to throw the ball extremely low to prove some weird point.  We play in an “F” league coed slo-pitch league and the score was 11-3.   I would get more fired up if I had $5.00 on two raccoons racing against each other in the parking lot.

I turn 40 next month.  I’m not sure if I’m supposed to feel different.  The only things that have really changed are that I actually care less about things, and it really affects me when I don’t eat healthily.  Oh, and when I first get out of bed it takes a minimum of 3 minutes to walk normally.  Generally, it’s a hard Frankenstein walk with a bunch of bones cracking, and a couple of fu**s thrown in there as well for good measure.

There is always one person in a group of friends that just says the wrong thing at the wrong time constantly.  Asking a woman if she’s pregnant when the answer could be 50/50 is maybe the most dangerous conversation that you could ever have.  I would rather go to a Luke Bryan concert at an outdoor stadium in Detroit in – 23-degree weather than load that question up.

Once again Descendants Brewery is doing something cool.  They are having an Arrested Development trivia night.  Stop doing cool things.  I dislike your beer.  Now, I still have to go to your stupid brewery because I can’t pass that up.  Oh, you also have delicious pretzels – fu** you.

Does anybody sit down with a bag of pretzels anymore?  They aren’t a bad snack, but really lack the flavor of others out there.  I just can’t envision myself walking up to the cashier with a bag of pretzels in the shopping basket.  Walking by the all dressed chips or Doritos section would be difficult.  I can eat these plain brown weirdly shaped things that make my mouth extremely dry… or I can rip into a bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos and not feel my tongue and make a mess of everything.  Doritos all day.

Nothing will make somebody more upset than you getting the controller greasy from chips while playing video games.  Chips were blamed for losing to Piston Honda in Tyson’s Punch-Out so many times back in the day.

I’m fairly certain anybody that created those characters back in the day was extremely stoned.  There is a dude that’s from Paris that has a special dance across the ring with a rose in his mouth before he fights Little Mac.  He was so fancy that I wanted to beat the crap out of him as soon as I had my chance.  No idea why he upset me so much.  Felt like he was taunting me with that rose.  Like I was easy prey.  The anger is all coming back now.

Flowers are extremely stupid.  Sorry for those that enjoy receiving them (Sara does not for those that were thinking in their head “oh, well his wife might not think that”).  Flowers don’t do anything.  They don’t entertain.  They smell ok I guess.  They sit there and then they die.  If I could eat the flower for some crazy nutrition I may be happier with them.  Put gummy worms out and look at them. They are pretty and are delicious after.

Top 3 ways to have people do things for you in a family setting

3) Mention the long hours that you’ve been working.  “I’ve been shoveling all day, every day for the past 2 days – my back is just about going to give out.”  When they ask what you’ve been digging – just moan at a bit louder tone than usual.

2) Mention that you haven’t had time for just yourself in an awfully long time.  “I’m always thinking about everyone else.  You know it’s tough.” Generally, people will not question you on this one, but if they do… Just say in a bit louder tone “It’s tough”.  Doesn’t mean anything, but may get you off of the hook.

1) Make sure you have a mighty moan and a groan when you first sit down on the couch.  Everyone needs to hear this. You will receive at minimum one, possibly two drinks brought to you.

Advertisement

Professor X Searching for Fashion on Victoria St in Kitchener

Posted on by Hosehead

It’s been a while since I have attempted to access the part of my brain that requires thoughts and wisdom.  I feel like Professor Xavier going into Cerebro looking for his mutants.  Only this time I am looking for my mutants that enjoy this type of writing.  You should all be ashamed of yourselves.

If Billy Joel asked me to go for a coffee at a Tim Horton’s that was 3 blocks away I don’t think I would go.  The only thing that I might mention while sipping on my coffee that I wish was a bit cooler so I could leave quicker would be “So, Piano Man is an ok song.  Probably in my top 1000 songs of all-time.”

Has anybody ever asked for a dog that doesn’t poop?  That is the biggest downfall with owning a pet.  Why can’t they just have their waste go through their skin like a shark?  I have tasted fermented shark in Iceland.  It tastes exactly like what you would assume pee would taste like.  It also got stuck in between two of my teeth so the supposed taste of pee was in stuck in between my teeth for two hours.  Now that’s insanity.

Sara cut her hike on the Sunshine Coast Trail short due to stepping on hornets nest.  She described the event as apocalyptic in nature, and just like if the apocalypse were to happen today; she continued to look for her phone that she dropped while hornets stung her.

Going to see Rodriguez tonight at Centre in the Square.  The show is sold out, if you still haven’t watched the documentary “Searching for Sugar Man” – watch it this weekend.

Sometimes I drive by certain retail stores in strip malls and wonder if they have even seen a customer for the past week?  New York Fashion on Victoria is right beside an emissions test place and a body shop for cars place.  Just want to open up the door and yell “why did you think this was a good idea?”

NFL season has started up.  Other-wise known as a gambling man’s wet dream.  I feel as though the sales of salsa and French onion dip sky-rocket at this time of year.   There is nothing better than drowsing off with your hand slightly in a bag of Ruffles regular chips and your team up by 14 points with 3 minutes to go in a game.

There was a very strange/short time of people deciding to smoke tobacco vapes indoors, and people allowing it.   Non-smokers went through emotions of we know this is wrong, should we say something, is it even illegal, and what the hell is going on?

When you travel are you looking for different looking rocks on the beach and bringing them home?  What are you doing with these rocks?  People will show me these rocks, and my first instinct is to chuck it into the ocean, and call them an idiot.  Sorry, I know it’s a bit harsh, but you are being an idiot.

After I pass away it seems like a cool idea of having my ashes planted with a tree.  The trees best traits would be to grow extremely slowly, and have multiple comfortable places to sit.  It would also have an unusually cold hole that you could store refreshments.

Sing Street – 8.8/10

Captain America:  Civil War – 6.4/10

Jungle Book – 9.1/10

Marvel has this down to a science.  Just roll out that mathematical equation of different characters and vomit of ridiculous action that people can stuff their face full of popcorn muttering to themselves “this is so cool.”

Our neighbor is a middle-aged white man that is constantly standing on the side walk with no shirt on constantly smoking a cigarette.  Sometimes he is talking to somebody or himself.  I am not sure there is a possible situation that you could be less productive than this man.

Suburban Housewife Finds Pokemon While Clearing out the Rocks in the Garden

Posted on by Hosehead

In the 20’s and 30’s people had children so they would have workers on their farm.  In the 70’s and 80’s I think people had children so they didn’t have to get up to change the channel.  There are many people that were born just to grab beers and change channels.

Reason number 64 on why I don’t have children:  I giggled for 17 minutes while our friend’s child ran after the dog spraying him with water out of a spray bottle.

Descendants brewery is beginning to step up their game.  The last few beers that they have come out with have been pretty solid.  They also offer pretzels and panini’s for reasonable prices.  Next weekend they have a corn throwing competition as well.  These are all things that craft beer connoisseurs enjoy.  Bravo, bravo, where are my tight jeans and records.

Lawn darts was an excellent game.  And many times we as a society are a bit too sensitive to the injuries that may occur during certain events.  In this case though, it’s good that lawn darts are banned.

It’s rare that I will take a shopping cart off of the property of a retail establishment.  When you see somebody pushing one of those right up the sidewalk, you know one thing.  They don’t give a fu** about anything.

When I am around kids at a ball game I turn into a 47 year old suburban Mother with my made up swear words.  R.A. Dickey is pitching like sh…. Sugar, he’s pitching like sugar.

Star Trek:  Beyond – 9.1/10

Pop Star (the Andy Samberg flick) – 7.6/10

X-Men: Apocalypse – 5.1/10

Pokemon Go has really caught on.  There are two schools of thought.  This is so stupid.  Or this is so much fun.  There is nothing in between.  I did enjoy one scene yesterday though.  Kid was playing Pokemon in a drive-way where a car was trying to get into.  I can only assume the mental conversation between those two people went like this.

  • Get the fu** out of the way.”
  • But there’s a Drowzee here and I need him to power up my Hypno”
  • You are an idiot. Stop wasting your time.  When I was your age…
  • Let me have fun my own way you grumpy old man

Osheaga is this weekend.  I would absolutely love to go.  Especially this year, Radiohead is the headliner.  But, when I ask myself how I would handle 3 days of hot sun and live music?  The answer is always the same.  You don’t want to know.  Just relax middle aged Daryl, and wait till they come to a more comfortable and accessible venue.

There are a few areas that it’s extremely upsetting when somebody passes gas.  Waiting in a lineup for an autograph or a picture at a sci-fi convention may be in the top 3.   It generally already has a funky smell to it, and you can’t go anywhere to avoid it.

Just the idea of “fixing up the house” on a Saturday gives me shivers.  They should make a horror movie about this.  Single dude wakes up one morning to 3 kids, a basement to fix up, and gardening to do.  This would have to star Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Anna Kendrick.  It would be called “Rocks in the Garden.”

It’s shocking to me that in some countries that they still stone people.  Could you imagine if the Trudeau government implemented this?  Trudeau would do 6 pushups and take 3 selfies just to prepare to throw the first rock.

Yesterday was the first time in quite a while where I just sat like an idiot not knowing what to do while people sang happy birthday to me.  It’s not nearly as bad as back in the day though.  One time at the Moose they put antlers on me before I was at the age to be able to drink.  I just sat there with my face going bright red due to embarrassment trying to figure how I was going to get back at my Father for doing this to me.

Spirit of the West Bobbleheads Available Out-West

Posted on by Hosehead

Went to something extremely unique last night.  The National, Hayden, Kevin Drew (Broken Social Scene), and members from the Arkells played in a local church in Hamilton.  All proceeds went to helping Syrian refugees.  Not only was it one of the most intimate shows, but extremely emotional.  Hayden playing an acoustic version of Ahead by a Century almost brought the house down.  Seeing a big band in a small venue is the reason that you see live music.

Radiohead – Moon Shaped Pool – 8.9/10

Any music lover knows that Radiohead is adored by the masses in the indie rock world.  But, I put it similarly to Wes Anderson.  When you knock every single God damn thing that you do out of the park you should be worshipped by everybody that’s cool.

There is only one job that I am capable of handling while wearing a construction outfit – sign twirler.  Unless you count that summer that I want on tour with a YMCA tribute band.  That was rough times.  Playing retirement homes for Swedish mints, and candy that is all stuck together.

Blue Jays are playing some great baseball right now.  Anybody want to still sign Price instead of Happ and Estrada for 5 million dollars more a season, and for 4 more years?  Bueller, Bueller, White, Antholopous.

Bobblehead day at the Jays game was nearly disastrous.  Showed up at around the 10am time frame.  Waited in line for about an hour to receive the bobblehead.  Take it out of the packaging to take a picture with it (just want to make sure that everybody knows all of the awesome things that I am doing 24/7.  Even sleeping soundly I set up my phone to take a picture when I am in my deepest of sleep.  Look how awesome I am sleeping is the hashtag) Bautista and company fall to the floor and smash in 4 separate pieces.  I react very slowly.  Then Sara comes up with a brilliant plan.  It came out of the packaging like that.  As I tell the staff person my story, she gives me the “I know what you did” look and hands me another bobblehead.

Pet peeve #29.  Going through the drive-thru with somebody to grab breakfast, and they don’t know what they want to drink by the time the microphone person speaks up.  Drive-thru isn’t the himming and hawing area.  Go stand with Gord and Rose to talk about the shrubs inside of the restaurant if you are going to pull this nonsense.

The Path is a decent show.  It stars Aaron Paul from Breaking Bad and is about a cult.  Starts great, then lulls, but then hits hard near the end again.

I know that British Columbia is a beautiful place, but I find it funny that Canadians are so in love with the idea of “out-west”.  It’s the California of Canada.  Everything is just going to come together out-west.  Sitting on the edge of those Rockies – I will understand the meaning of life, but only out-west.  What should really be said? Everything is going to come together up-north.  You realize who you are when it’s been dark outside for 20 consecutive hours.

Top 3 things that happen at buck and doe’s (also known as stag and doe’s to people in the city) that people don’t know about

3 – Spirit of the West is only appreciated at exactly 12:59am.  If you play any-time before this you will be mocked.

2 – Flirting with the DJ while attempting to get your song played will not work.  You have “woooooood” 3 times, accidentally spit while you were talking twice, and nearly tripped on cables once.  Also, you requested a song that you don’t know the name to, and only know that the person’s name starts with “T”.

1 – Bringing the DJ drinks works every single fu**ing time

Eating Dirt in Ireland with Fred Durst

Posted on by Hosehead

There is a job for people to eat dog food to see how much they like it.  I am not sure if we as humans are a good judge for dog food taste.  I think you find the 5 most sophisticated dogs in the world and fly them all over the world for taste testing.  These dogs would be known as the Persian Pups.

Well that day has come.  I have actually uttered the words that I am watching my carbs.  In unison, my last Korn CD fell from the shelf of my hometown’s residence and smashed into 3 pieces that looked oddly similar to potato chips.

Is Fred Durst still doing it all for the Nookie?

To say that I am concerned about the Jays would be an understatement.  The starters have been great.  Donaldson and Bautista do what they do, but they are striking out a bunch, and are not taking a thinking approach to any at bats.

There should be more lemonade stands.  Those days of walking past a .25 cent stand are long gone.  Those were the days that you learnt about capitalism, and a Nintendo game was your 3 story house.  Now people just think that there will be a roofie pill in a lemonade given out on Victoria St in Kitchener.  Well, this might be a bad example, but you know what I mean.

I was never a child that ate dirt.  It didn’t smell, taste, or look appetizing.  I never judged Steven for it, but I always thought it was the incorrect move to eat it.

Sara, Sarah, and I leave for Ireland in June.  Sarah is a friend that Sara met on the AT.  We are hiking a couple of trails.  Should I say Sara 1 or just say Wife when attempting to get my significant others attention?  I find that most women don’t like to be called Wife.  They always believe that we are going to say something extremely sexist right after.

I have found a new massage therapist.  I knew that she was the one when she spoke of wanting to have a jackhammer to loosen up my shoulder, and then made the noises of a jackhammer.

Everybody Wants Some – 9.0/10

The Invitation – 8.7/10

It’s very strange when people just seem to fall off the face of the earth.  Then you think about them years later, and say.  “I forgot that they even existed.”  Then I go back to enjoying my drinking box and apple slices.

Descendants in Kitchener finally opened up.  It’s been many months of this beautiful sign outside that on Victoria St that says coming soon.  Daryl and a few family members walked through the door with glee – trying one of everything, to our dismay it was the no name pizza pops of craft brewers in the area.

The movie Keanu looks like a great movie.  It’s done by Key and Peele.  Watch the trailer and if you are able to go through the whole trailer without saying “aaaahhhh” you are a terminator, and are probably sent here to kill 4 humans over the next 7 years.

Cheers to those awkward times where your foot slides on something, it sounds like you farted.  You look around nervously.  But nobody has seemed to notice.

My proudest moment as a human being is after driving 14 consecutive hours trying to get to Florida, a friend of mine asked me if I my ears just popped after going down a massive decline on a road.  I stated to him that I didn’t have any ears.  That was the point of my life where I knew that I was hilarious.

Ghostbusters All-Dog Cast

Posted on by Hosehead

There is something about going through a food lineup with a rectangular designed dinner plate that makes you feel like you did something wrong.

One of my unknown talents is that I can swallow about 6 pills at once. This talent is only useful as a 75 year old man or at an Armin Van Buren show.

I picked up dry cleaning like an adult yesterday. “Yes, yes, I am very important. Give me that suit. Business stuff going on. Did you get that chocolate stain out? I was eating a drumstick at an undesirable temperature.”

Adventure’s Guild in Kitchener is fantastic. Nearly every board game that I have ever heard of is available. Learning how to play a new board game when nobody in the group has ever played it before is always the same. You look around the group hoping somebody that is nodding that they actually understand the rules is just lying, and is secretly just as slow as you are.

Watched Little Shop of Horrors in St. Jacobs this past Thursday. It was incredible. Especially the sets. The dinner that was included was at the Stone Crock in St. Jacobs. Not incredible. It felt like I was eating food after I was awoken from the Matrix. Is there supposed to be flavor? They almost blew our minds when they attempted to serve us coffee at the beginning of the meal. It was all very confusing.

While waiting at red lights I watch Pedestrians as they cross the street to see if any of them stumble a little just to watch their reaction. They either play it cool, and act like nothing happened, or they go back to the part of the road that was the culprit, kick it to the point of satisfaction that nobody else will ever trip on it again. Either way – we in the cars know, and we enjoyed watching it happen.

I believe in some things that hippy-ish. Like, leaving a smaller footprint. Trying to use less resources. Living a simple life. Until, the mention of not even needing doctors. You can heal everything naturally. Yup, you had me until you mentioned Aliens Scientologists.

**Before people become offended and begin to write things on my Facebook defending Mother Nature’s cures for all. Know that this is a comedy blog, and I have discussed Hamburger Helper becoming a person, and using ketchup as a weapon**

Sara and I know for a fact that all plants are killable. “Sun and water? What about just air?”

Did you know lip chap only has that tingly feeling on your lips to make you think that it’s working? It does nothing for you. What’s next, Tang isn’t oranges just made into powder?
In I want to throw my brain off of a bridge because the TV is so bad news. 11 shows from the CW have been renewed.

Don’t know if anybody was keeping track, but I was 3 for 4 on my Oscar picks that were posted. I always feel like after I say anything like this that a child with snot running down his nose is going to put his hand up.

Ghostbusters 2 has an all-female cast. Put up your hands if you don’t care that it’s all-female. Keep your hands up if you know that they are going to remake these movies over and over again with males and females. Again keep your hands up if you could care less if it was an all-dog cast, and their barks were lasers that captured the ghosts into their mouths and they said “nummy” in a comedic way after they finished devouring the ghost.

Need Help Making Kitchener Hip

Posted on by Hosehead

With so much information at our finger tips you would think it would be easier to motivate yourself to have variety in your lifestyle. We sometimes attempt to find something different to do within the city and have to filter through the mountains of junk online to find it. We then have to navigate through all of the restaurants in the city to find the family owned non-chain establishments that gets decent reviews. We get bombarded by advertising from the big chains, and after spending 30 min trying to find somewhere different to go, you end up settling on Swiss Chalet, it’s the easiest. Off of the top of your head name places to eat for tonight that aren’t chains. I can only think of one or two right away. We have to try hard to think outside the box when it comes to almost all of the entertainment in the city. Why aren’t there easy ways to find out cool places to eat and hang out?

I try to find things to do in the city, and end up getting frustrated by the difficulty. Slicing and dicing through the internet trying to find some type of website that will give you a small nugget of knowledge rather than going to the theater to watch whatever “masterpiece” that Michael Bay has released.

You hear about cool things that other people do, but have no idea where they found out about this event or where it was even located. I have realized that unless it is spoon-fed to people they will not make any effort whatsoever. There is a theater in Kitchener that sells craft beer…. It also doesn’t charge $17.00 for popcorn and a pop. It charges $10.00 for a craft beer and a popcorn. Did you know that there is a restaurant downtown Kitchener that sells banh-mi Vietnamese subs (delicious) for $3.00? They actually had a sign outside apologizing that they had to raise the price from $2.75 to $3.00. Word of mouth shouldn’t have to be the only way that these businesses get recognition. Not with the internet at your fingertips. There are sites like Trip Advisor that make it a bit easier. But if I was to wager I would guess that maybe 2 in 10 people use this to make choices on places to eat.

We are zombies that have settled for over-priced mediocrity. Afraid of the unknown. Don’t want to get out of our comfort zones whatsoever. Not wanting to do any type of work to find the hidden gems. Putting your feet up on your lazy boy, throwing on the Big Bang Theory, engulfing your Domino’s Pizza with a Bud Lite in hand ready to face your Friday night head on with your subconscious mind making the easy decisions for you. Maybe we think we deserve a weekend of not having to think. Maybe this is how we unwind. How do we feel on Sunday evening? Well, I hate Monday’s quite a bit more when I feel like I wasted my whole weekend doing exactly what I did for the previous 3 weekends.

Unfortunately I do not have all of the answers. I can only review the things that I have tried and the things that I give the thumbs up to. Some of you have tried the places that I recommended, and enjoyed it. Most of you still haven’t tried, but like the idea of it, can’t push yourself to actually do it. Then there are others. The Zombie Herd. You don’t even want to try it. I have never been disappointed by this place or that place. I don’t need to try this out, this is good enough. I was once one of you. You can break free from this. There are people out there that do and make great things, and we have no idea. Just because they don’t have the money to advertise and you have never heard of it doesn’t mean that it’s terrible. It means you have never heard of it. I do not want to live in a world where Elison’s Bistro or Gilt has to close down so that a Boston Pizza or a Crabby Joe’s can go in its place.

I just got back from New York and I was intrigued by all of the different things there was to do. Now of course KW is not New York, but there are some similarities with all of the different places to go and eat. The majority I had never of. It was a very difficult choice picking between some of the best reviewed restaurants. In most Canadian cities it’s chain after chain. We have a country full of diversity and we somehow have this stigma in certain cities of supporting anything new. It’s becoming better though the younger generation makes me proud. Tech start-ups have brought out interesting young folks that seem less satisfied with the everyday. We are picking up steam in this city. Now if we just had a website that could pull it all together. Restaurant, entertainment, pub, music, and everything Kitchener reviews. KW Awesome where are you on this? Communitech has done a great job of getting talented people with money here. We are looking for places to go and things to eat. Reviewing the best of everything. Inexpensive, moderate, and fine dining. Tell us about the things going on Starlight or Maxwell’s. Sgt Peppers Album by the Beatles was just done by the symphony orchestra and Steven Page formerly of the Barenaked Ladies was a part of it. Pretty cool! Did anybody else know about this? Sort through the mess. Many great things are happening here, we just need a website to tell us about it. Help!

Like my Facebook page:  https://www.facebook.com/hoseheadsblog/?ref=aymt_homepage_panel

Harrison Ford slipping into a hot tub on this New Years Eve

Posted on by Hosehead

Started to watch Star Wars Return of the Jedi. Puppet dance party with Princess Leia in a bikini and Harrison Ford frozen in carbonite? This is Fear and Loathing in Space.

I hope your Christmas was excellent. I think people are aging backwards. Many of my friends were ecstatic about receiving action figures while many of my friends bought their kids iPads and cell phones.

You never realize how hard your parents work putting dinner together until you actually watch them in action. There are many steps to making the perfect meal. I would be in bed by 8pm if I had to put together the dinner on my own.

I have purchased a PS4. I am extremely excited to be able to be able to shut my brain off for a minimum of 1 hour each day. You age 20 years at once if you are just able to watch the news and work out.

You never really think having a certain soap for washing bedding will make a difference until you wash your sheets with Gain. It feels like I am diving into a bed of dandelions after sipping on the nectar of the Gods while listening to Jose Gonzalez sing nursery rhymes to me when I go to sleep now.

Farm Boy is a new supermarket that opened recently. Two things really standout about it. It has the best soups in the city, and they have a swinging mechanical monkey above the bananas. Both things make me extremely happy.

Howler monkeys in Costa Rica do throw poop. This is not a myth. Sara got a few of them riled up by making monkey noises at them. They were reaching for their backside when we decided to go back into our little shed. We thought we were in the clear, but then they began to throw things onto the roof. Sara thought this was humorous. Daryl did not.

Hateful Eight – 9.1/10
Shaun the Sheep – 7.6/10
Spotlight – 9.8/10

Spotlight is the best movie of the year. It’s about the Catholic Church cover up of all the child abuse that has been happening over the years, and the newspaper that uncovered it. I think it’s an extremely important movie. People always think certain jobs can keep them above the law, and allow them to do despicable acts.

I have hit the midway of my off-time from work. I haven’t shaven, and I have barely moved. I think the majority of my day I just stare at my phone waiting for something to happen. My productivity over this time can be given a 2.3/10.

ZZ Top is coming to town. Usually you can predict the type of crowd you will see at a concert. ZZ Top is one of those bands that I am not sure about. It feels like people should be going to a biker bar with strippers and chicken wings before the show, but I could also see people going to the Martini’s. ZZ Top hits everybody’s appeal and nobody’s appeal all at once.

Sushi is another one of those foods that I pretend to like much more than I actually do. Most people either love it or hate it. It’s a chicken fingers and fries dish to this guy. Mediocre as a Sunday drive through the suburbs to look at Christmas Lights with your significant other.

Top 3 things that happen at most gyms.

3. Grunting – People love to get noticed by how many weights they are lifting. It also usually ends with the prototypical slamming of the weights down, and then glancing around to see if anybody noticed the significant amount of weight that they just pulverized.

2. The over-reactive sigh of relief when slipping into the hot-tub. It sounds like you just finished a 2 year war in the middle-east with how loud this sigh is.

1. (mostly for men, but men are just ogres and stare, Woman have also been caught) the constant search for the perfect bum.

New Year’s Eve is in a couple of days. Words of wisdom. The night will never be perfect. Keep it small, and spend time with people that are awesome. Quality over quantity on a night that is always built up too much.

Remember that soup is a delicious lunch.  Delicious, nutritious, and underrated.  Soup!

Happy New Year from Hosehead!

Downtown Kitchener!

Posted on by Hosehead

While reading the Record this past weekend it occurred to me that we might have an issue with something in Downtown Kitchener. You don’t notice it right away, but it slowly creeps into your mind the more that you think about things. You really notice it at the corner of King and Queen. Kitchener has an abundance of second hand stores, pawn shops, and pay-day loan stores within minutes of each other. These stores have little or no value to anyone. Their main purpose is to prey on the poor. Buying items for much lower then should be received, or giving you money for more money in the future.

This usually wouldn’t warrant any further discussion, but we just had a great restaurant have to close its doors because of rent increase; and we have a brewery desperately looking for somewhere to set up shop in the downtown. If Kitchener would like to shape up their central area and maintain the momentum that they have going from the tech district, they need to start removing the dragging-down- society retail shops. There is a need for these places, but these should be destination stores. Not in the central part of the city. The reason we have pawn shops and pay day cash loans is mainly because of alcohol and drug habits. By allowing businesses to thrive on the masses, Kitchener will always be doomed to live the cycle of a failing downtown district.

By watching first-hand how much trouble TWB Coop Brewery has had trying to find a way into the downtown, it’s been disheartening. Most businesses would have given up by now. Or would have gone to another city to begin their pursuit. They have been looking for more than a year for a place to call home; to begin to make some profit and build their brand. Zoning by-laws and high rent have come into play as well. TWB’s start up campaign was a huge success. Residents of Kitchener have shown time and time again that if you have a great product, you will succeed. Still nothing, it’s not for a lack of effort on their front. They have looked at multiple places to make this happen. Nothing has panned out as of yet.

Meanwhile, Imbibe was the absolute best place to go for a beer after work. Having multiple craft beer options daily. Laid back staff, and a very chill vibe. They were just starting to get into a groove of having regular customers. I thought they were going to have something special for years to come. The lease for their spot in the Museum was up, and the rent was hiked based on what the going rate was in the area. Another one bites the dust. It’s discouraging to see people with great ideas on how to enhance the downtown have such a difficult time making the dream become a reality. And if they have a sliver of success the rent then gets increased.

I want to support local businesses. But it has to be a business that has a value. Something that gives back as much as it takes from the community. Donates their venues to local events. Stays on top of all things Kitchener. We need the city to take a stand, and look at all angles when it comes to making this city a better place to live. I am personally in a competition with Waterloo. I believe that the city of Kitchener has more character, and can be a great landing spot for people that want to set up shop here. Let’s have a look at these zoning by-laws that are in place. Are they outdated? Maybe if you own a building take a look at the type of place that is going to be moving in to the spot. Will Imbibe increase the value of your property or bring in business for you? Yes, I think it will. Make it work with them so that everybody can be successful. We are almost there. This is already a city that I am proud to live in, but I want it to be a city where I can bring anybody to the downtown area and wow them with a unique experience. Which does not include a pay day loan. It has been a great run over the past five years or so seeing the central area of the city transform into an entertainment district. Let’s keep the ball rolling, and make this a city worth talking about.

Live Music in Kitchener

Posted on by Hosehead

People seem to be in shock that Rod Stewart and Blondie didn’t have better overall ticket sales at Big Music Fest this year (I am not one of them.) They had to cancel the Sunday night of the festival. The organizer said that he had never seen anything like it before. That it just didn’t take. They advertised the performers at an insane level. If you listened to Dave FM or 570 news there were advertisements for the event every couple of commercial breaks. I am kind of dumbfounded why people thought those two in particular would work.
What do you think of when you think of a festival? You think of an intense crowd that is extremely into the music. They have passion for the music, and the band that is performing. What do you think of when you hear the name Rod Stewart? I think of the 70’s playboy that broke the hearts of multiple middle aged women. Or the crooner that softened up in his older age. I think of a casino crowd. As soon as I heard that Rod Stewart and Blondie were the headliners of Sunday night, I knew it would bomb.

I know the pulse of KW. What we are into, and what is going to sell out 10,000 people. Soundgarden and Jane’s Addiction have this ability. Rod Stewart does not. People that go to festivals have a certain vibe about them. And that vibe in Kitchener in particular, is rock music. The thing that is the most frustrating is that with the money that they spent on Stewart and Blondie; that they could have had a fantastic performance by a band that might not be back on tour when the time is right. Rush, Tom Petty, Foo Fighters, and AC/DC all would have been perfect headliners that would have been right near the same dollar mark of Blondie and Rod Stewart put together. Rush might be dreaming a bit, but it couldn’t have been that far off.

This reminds me of the people that used to run Centre in the Square. Bringing in acts that only made a small percentage of people happy. I have to admit that they have been much better over the past couple of years, but they were awful for the decade before that. As a rock fan in this city, you really have nothing to look forward to. You have to drive to Toronto or London to see a band that could have easily been supported in KW. The city just doesn’t have the right people pushing the buttons. Bringing in the type of acts that will have a chance to succeed. Kitchener is desperately trying to get the downtown back up and running. There are not enough places that have bands that aren’t just local acts. Starlight lounge does its best in Waterloo. They have indie rock. But with the small venue, they can only support certain bands. Maxwell’s have brought in a couple of decent bands recently in the Tea Party and the Headstones, but we are still missing that in between place. A place where you can draw in a couple of thousand people every so often. This is why Big Music Fest is so important. We need to show that we can support live music in this area.

The mistake of booking those acts is such a black eye on the city. It’s not our fault that you brought in the wrong artists. We are already paying huge dollars for a festival that in other cities would be half of the price. But we are willing to pay it, if it means that you can bring particular artists to the city, and we don’t have to drive into the parking lot called Toronto. After hearing the runner of Big Music Fest speak, it sounds like he has gotten it through his head that this city is a rock and roll city. We will not support acts just because they are big names. Kitchener really needs to rattle the windows for Soundgarden and Jane’s Addiction to show our appreciation for great music. And to also show the people that are bringing in the talent that this is the type of music that we want. At the end of the day I just want to enjoy the sunshine, and watch a performance from a band that I thought I would never get to see in my own backyard.