Yahoo Serious cooking armadillo over an open fire at Rib Fest today

Every time it gets this hot it makes me think of putting on a mesh shirt, cut off jean shorts that show the pockets, and a pair of glasses that have that beautiful top frame. Kind of like this.

Rib Fest is currently going on. Sara and I are venturing down there after she is finished work. How many people have been turned to the dark side by bacon or ribs?

Started watching the show “Humans” recently. Very good scifi show about a group of androids that are able to think for themselves. And the people hunting them. 8.6/10

I have developed ways to move a tale forward told by a long-winded story teller. This only works if you have already heard the story. If you haven’t, you will need to suffer or just be a douche and walk away. You throw in key words that ruin mediocre story parts that are anti-climactic. Try it out. Just not on me, you dick.

A sleeveless Neo jacket from the Matrix is an outfit that we witnessed yesterday. When you put that on there is no telling where the night could end. Are you fighting crime, going to an underground club, or are you just going to the local Money Mart?

Nothing good ever happens when a group of people are holding sticks that have fire bellowing off of the end of it while walking in unison towards a building. If you are in that building, there is no reasoning with them. They have already made up their mind. And you should leave now.

Amy Schumur is the new sweetheart of the world. This seems to happen to us every year or so. We broke up with Jennifer Lawrence, and are now dating Amy Schumur. We are also still casually flirting with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler as well. But it’s nothing. I swear it’s nothing.

(Pan-Am Games rant)

People are extremely upset about Kanye West being the entertainment for the closing ceremonies. They are just trying to sell tickets. What they should have done is have a Canadian act as the co-headliner. Arcade Fire, Drake, or even Hedley could have been the token Canadian act. Why are we so angry about this anyways? Most people didn’t want the games to begin with, and now we are getting upset about the act that they get to close the ceremonies. Yes, he is a megalomaniac. Yes, he is a jerk. But he is one of the biggest names in music and he sells tickets.

Back to regularly scheduled programming. There are people that can’t smell asparagus in their pee. It’s a very small percentage of people, and I wish I was one of them.

I know that there is consequences when I am going to eat a Blizzard. It’s a real balance with how good it’s going to taste, and how bad you are going to feel. Every bite is putting another bullet into the lactose gun. Maybe if I put more chocolate into it I will not be quite as injured? There are many ways you can tip the scales into a more favorable format, but in the end. You still lose, and so does your significant other.

Sometimes I felt bad for the gentle giant at parties. Every time some rough housing would start people would look to him to fix the situation. It was always the same guy that started shit. Now thinking back, the gentle giant should have had pepper spray. That always slows everybody down. Maybe not Jean Claude Van Damme, but the average 106 lb shit talker from Letterkenny, yes.

You had to be stoned to do the camera work for Polka Dot Door. Panning the camera over to a stuffed bear pretending that he is saying something witty is a weird job to have.

bear

Did Yahoo Serious ever sue the search engine Yahoo? He is probably in the outback cooking Armadillo over an open fire as we speak; looking at a “Young Einstein” poster with a single tear running down his face. He might not even know that the internet was created. Or did he create it? Things to think about on a balmy Sunday morning in the tri-cities.

Rapa Nui – 6.1/10 (early 90’s flick)

This is a movie about the aboriginal people that lived on Easter Island. The scenery is nice. Acting is ok. The only reason to watch it is that they have a training montage to prepare for the Birdman competition. No, Michael Keaton is not in this gem.

Top 3 things to do to prepare for Rib Fest.

1. Consume many vegetables the days leading up to the event.
2. Speak caveman, eat meat from bone
3. Put on a mesh shirt and a sleeveless Neo Matrix jacket

Eating Balogna after Throwing a Gem in Kincardine

We have installed an air conditioner into our tiny abode.  It releases air that is cold to keep you from melting.

Avengers “Age of Ultron” – 7.4/10

It was exactly what you expected from the Avengers.  All action, quick wit, and the slaughtering of robots.  Nothing remarkably good or bad.

Spring – 7.1/10

This movie had a pile of potential.  Young guy goes to Italy after losing his last family member to cancer.  He backpacks, then decides to work on a farm. Falls in love with a local Italian woman that isn’t all that she seems.  Some cool dialogue and specials effects. It loses it’s luster after a while, and drags on a bit.

Steak test on the cast iron grill has been completed.  After many glasses of wine and deliberation.  I have decided that it’s excellent.

There isn’t a more disappointed look in a person’s eye than a dentist that has found out that you don’t floss as much as you should.

Years ago I bought tickets for a Built to Spill show in Toronto.  They were playing back to back nights.  I was debating which night that they would put on a better performance.  Subsequently purchased the tickets.  Put the tickets in the drawer of my desk.  As months went on my brain decided that I had bought the tickets for the other night.  I pulled the tickets out of the desk drawer and noticed that the concert had started one hour ago, and I was in Kitchener.  Built to Spill was devastated by the news that they vowed to never release an album or come to Canada ever again.  Until now!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LnRf61r5I64

Once again we were blown away by the service at Kacaba winery.  They not only allowed us to try every single wine that has ever been made.  They allowed us to use their barbeque to cook up a tasty lunch.  If you haven’t been there yet, then you are an idiot.

The Toronto Bluejays are as mediocre as a bowl of oatmeal with stale raisins.

I finally received the OK from Sara to put up my no-hitter ball which is placed in a case.  She doesn’t realize the amount of stress that goes into a class “d” ball no-hitter.  Having the six fans standing in awe over your final 56 MPH fastball.  Dripping sweat off of the uneven mound of the Kincardine ball field.  Capturing the umpire’s extraordinarily large strike zone.  It all came together on one magical evening.  Many people ask how I felt after throwing the gem.  I felt great, great and sore.

Why would you ever leave One Direction as a teenage boy?  I really can’t think of a better profession.  This has a Gob Bluthe terrible mistake quote written all over it.

I tried to watch a Star Wars movie on May the 4th.  I like to engage in all things nerdy.  It’s just, the Star Wars movies aren’t worth my bandwidth.

It would probably get a bit boring walking down the railroad tracks with nowhere to go.  It would seem exciting at the start, but the stick with all of your possessions in a handkerchief could only last you so long.  You should use a backpack.

Niagara Falls Comic Con is coming up.  I really like the guest list that they have there.  Actually mainly I just want to meet former wrestlers.  Nikolai Volkov, The Iron Shiek, and King Kong Bundy.  Would I take a Bundy splash, and pay money for it?  Yes!

We drove through Dashwood recently.  One of the few things that I remember about Dashwood is that when they played ball against us that they wore jeans.  That, and they were terrible.

Why do people use extravagant words to describe something that you know that the words that they are using aren’t necessary?  You see this all the time at a concert.  People are on their cell phones, talking to friends, grabbing beers, going outside for smokes.  But when you ask them about the concert.  “It was epic.  Flawless performance.  Amazing, once in a lifetime experience.”  Your scale is broken if you rate everything 10/10.

You want to act cool after you hammer your elbow off of a wall due to taking the corner to sharp out of the kitchen.  Then your wife asks if you are alright.  You play it cool.  You are just mad at the wall.  You might even blame her for moving something in the vicinity to throw off your route.

The day has come that we have to stop talking about bacon.  The marketing industry has caught on.  Everything is marketed towards bacon.  Bacon on the outside of the crust on a pizza?  I am on to bologna…. And I am back to bacon.  Bologna is terrible.