Harold Reynolds and his mission to ruin Thanksgiving in Canada

Happy Thanksgiving – sometimes I wish I had one of those families that had that uncle that was going through a divorce, had a little too much to drink, and starts spilling all the beans on the family business.  Unfortunately, my family is pretty normal.

Top 3 creepy things you can do while at the Thanksgiving parade

  1.  Eat an ice cream cone by yourself, but eat it at a much slower pace than usual, and look around at the crowd while doing it.
  2. Cheer out of control for things.  Whether it be candy or just a float with advertising on it.  Uncontrollable cheering will always be appreciated.
  3. Take off your shirt and wrap it around your waist while sporting a decent pair of ’80s villain shades.  Then continue to weave in and out of the crowd, gently bumping into people.

When you wake up in the middle of the night and have a hard time falling back asleep some of things that you think about are weird.  I was debating getting up and putting some potato chips in the freezer.  I remember them tasting much better after doing that.

Thanksgiving Tacos – is this a thing for anyone?  I understand that Turkey is the thing, but since most of us go to multiple Thanksgivings; we could maybe throw this into the mix.  Ground turkey, cilantro, onion, spinach, salsa, and sour cream.

The aging process will always hit you the same way when you are in your mid-30s.  You will begin to walk outside in the fall and just marvel at the beauty of the trees.  Any other time of your life, you either complain about Winter coming or that you have to clean up the leaves on the yard.

The Martian – 9.0/10

This is an extremely realistic look at a man being abandoned on Mars and having to try to survive.  It’s so realistic that many people took to the Twitter world and asked if this was based on a true story.  74% of these people are also voting PC this election.

I have faith in the Toronto Blue Jays and the Green Bay Packers.  I cannot say the same for the Philadelphia Flyers.  They stink!  They might struggle in a game against the Listowel Jr. “B” Cyclones.

Work sent me to Orlando recently.  Unlike Vegas, it is nearly impossible to get into trouble near Disney.  “Oh sir, the nightlife is everywhere here.  There is a great wings restaurant that is open till 10pm.  They have margarita’s and hot wings.  That is if you are really living on the edge.”

Everybody is upset with Harold Reynolds.  He stated during the Jays game last night the following.  “There’s not a lot of people playing baseball in Canada.  They’re not used to catching a lot of balls in the stands.”  Hopefully this goes to 5 games so we can say not very nice things to him and pelt him with Timbits.  Then apologize after.

The nectar of the Gods is available at Innocente Brewery.  It’s called their Charcoal Porter.

If you wear tighter shirts your muscles do look larger.  But you have to be careful.  Your beer gut also appears to be larger as well.  Maybe I will get a shirt that is tight up top, but loose on the bottom.  Wait, that’s a dress.

The board game Pandemic should state in the rules that if you have had 6 beers or more that your brain would be better suited to play Ticket to Ride.  After 12, it’s Snakes and Ladders.

If I ever received a phone call and somebody was using the voice box on the other line.  I would just hang up.  I can guarantee that whatever you say is not a good deal for me.

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Extinct Animals Uncomfortable at Big Music Fest

Yesterday featured Soundgarden, Jane’s Addiction, Monster Truck, and Extreme at Big Music Fest. I am fairly certain that there was a memo sent out to play as heavy as possible. It seems as though with the cancellation of Rod Stewart that Kitchener is about to overtake the city known as the Hammer for their love of heavy music.

Palm Bay had a small tent on the premises. Sara and I were nearby a lady that I was unsure about. She was all over the map. Singing along to Extreme, and “wooooing,” at very odd times. Then in an instant her top was pulled down. And boobs were out. This was an unexpected turn of events. I forgot to mention that this was 5:30 in the afternoon.

The worst shirt of the day goes to the guy that we saw in the washroom line. “Hit her in the shitter;” it had a stick figure woman throwing up, with a man directly behind her. He was a steroid junky that looked like he could have been cast in Jersey Shore. This is not only the worst shirt of the day. It could be the worst of all-time.

Nobody is more apologetic then when they step on their own cat’s tail. It’s not because we are that sorry, we just know the cat is going to be a dick after this.

Jose Gonzalez was the main act for the Winnipeg Folk Festival. Here’s the updated score of Winnipeg versus the rest of Canada. Winnipeg 2 – Canada 198.

We took the bus yesterday. I am always unsure of the bus. I always relate it back to Jim Jefferies comedy sketch. “I don’t need to take the bus. I have a car. I am choosing to take the bus. Because I am a responsible person.”

I am starting to get a bit of a beer gut. My running routine has gotten off track. Mainly, because I am now used to air-conditioning and I would rather run in a gym, and I have not joined one as of yet.

Remember when it was cool to disrespect the cops? Why was this ever cool? This is the one group of people that can make your life tough. You don’t go to a border agent, trying to get across the border and start talking smack.

The McDonalds on Ottawa St last night did an excellent job of feeding many drunk rockers. They pulled together nicely as a unit, and I commend them for this.

As you grow older as a man; your eyebrows begin to get out of whack. Working in a retail position for many years I have realized that roughly two percent of old men don’t give a fu**.

There is a type of cheese called mild. What does this even mean? Do you not want it to taste like anything? “Shaped like cheese, but tastes like nothing please.”

Back in the middle ages did men really get catapulted over walls? There is no was that I would be comfortable with this. There is absolutely nothing that you can do if you get shot directly into the wall.

Young children grabbing the garbage’s and old men handing out water bottles. Felt like Walmart at the music festival yesterday.

It was surprising that there was no medical issues or fights that I witnessed yesterday. Middle-aged rockers in Kitchener can handle their drugs and alcohol. There were many proud people when Cornell stated that the stage was in a big haze of pot smoke, and that it was likely that they might forget some of the songs. This is when proud Kitchener folk do their “woooooing.” “We are getting him fu**ed up. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.”

Big Game – 9.0/10

Big Game was excellent. It’s a cute movie about an attempted assassination on the President of the United States, played by Samuel L. Jackson; and a Finnish boy that is attempting to make his Father proud by hunting for big game on his own. You will have to watch it to see how it formulates together.

What is the deal with these shirts that you can wear that show off pictures on your back when you get sunburnt? The images I mainly see is of dragons. This sounds about right.

Ask Siri what 0 divided by 0 is. You will not be disappointed.

Top 3 things overheard at a concert, but nowhere else.

1. Do you think anybody will notice if I just go piss in the corner of the beer gardens?
2. The best value is the cider. It’s $10.00, but it’s in a tall can.
3. These wood chips aren’t too bad to sit on. At least they soak in the smell of the garbage.

There was a nearly extinct animal at the concert yesterday. The animal that owns the haircut of shaved on one side, with a comb over to the other side. We tried not to spook him to send him running in his deck shoes.