Squirrels shooting up Omega 3’s in Palm Springs with Leo DiCaprio

It’s difficult to access the part of my brain that is meant for humour right now. But I will not let anyone affect my life because of their senseless actions. Pause for everyone that has been involved in any type of terrorist attack.

Was sent to Palm Springs recently by work. I can sum up all you need to know about Palm Springs by letting you know that a man that was at the table beside me fell asleep sitting up at the airport while waiting for his food. The waitress gave him the quiet “sir” to wake him from his slumber. He went directly to eating his food and drinking his beer when he awoke.

Marco Estrada for 2yrs/26 million. Yup, all day.

Found out that Leo DiCaprio purchased a house in Palm Springs recently. Was hoping to gain access to his entourage. I feel that I would be a good add to his group. I don’t have any skills in particular, but I could always tell him how handsome he looked, and that he was robbed at the Oscars again.

Omega 3 pills that say that they don’t have a fishy after taste, should actually say that it only has 2 hours of fishy aftertaste.

I really enjoy eating fish, but I hate being that guy that makes the whole lunch room reek like tilapia. Even though I do like to count how many people bring up that it smells like fish in the lunch-room.

Squirrels can’t figure out what’s going on. They have all of their nuts ready to rock and roll for the winter, but the weather is still fairly decent – so they decided that they would just play chicken with my car each and every day.

When your wife says to you that you are getting onto a bus to go on a Tomb Raider amazing race type of thing you always say yes.

Is there an alternate universe where Wes Anderson is directing a Transformers movie?

James Bond: Spectre – 7.7/10
Entourage – 4.5/10
Vacation – 5.3/10

Entourage and Vacation were basically my only options on the plane. Entourage seems about as outdated as a Maxim Magazine with Meg Ryan on the cover.

Ronda Rousey lost her fight last night and the internet exploded. I don’t watch UFC whatsoever, but that kick to the face made me cringe.

You know what movie makes me angry – “Up.” You can’t have a man trying to hide his tears at the start of the movie. You have to play it cool for the rest of the hour and a half of the movie. At least in other movies, you can go to the kitchen and grab a beer, open chip bags, or walk the dog; because it’s at the end. “Up” gives you no chance. Sara sees right through that “there is something in my eye” line. Then you receive that “oh, it’s ok hug” which only makes it worse.

I was picked up at the airport on Friday. My driver had one and only one interest. Talking about traffic. I have never had an hour long conversation about traffic before. I didn’t even know it was possible. He didn’t even fall for my pretending to sleep move, the conversation about traffic must continue.

Top 3 things that I can’t see James Bond doing.

3 – Eating a Schneiders Hot-Dog.  No hot-dog cooking method seems right for 007.

2 – Having diarrhea – even the Mongolian Grill wouldn’t get through that iron stomach.

1 – Singing along at a Toby Keith concert – Red Solo Cup sung by Bond?

I can’t end the blog on this note.  I was once attacked by my cat that I had to hide behind a chair.  The cat paced out front of the chair taunting me, and then faked walking off.  When I thought the coast was clear that cat leaped out of nowhere onto my leg.  I shuffled around the room trying to get the cat off of my leg.  The worst part about this day was that I was hungover and I think the cat sensed that.  It tormented me at my weakest moment.

Kraft Dinner and the reasons Gwyneth Paltrow loves it.

“Am I right, or am I right?” is the worst thing that you have to respond to after something that was offensive was said. Any response that you give is going to be terrible. I usually pretend that I didn’t hear them correctly and say a soft “what?” Then depending on the person they will either repeat the awful thing louder, or they will realize that they are an idiot.

Golf in the early morning is the most difficult time to judge whether its shorts weather or pants weather. These are the things that you have to worry about as a retired man.

Unfortunately we are going to see a crisis in the craft beer market. There are too many breweries being opened up for the amount of population that we have in Southern Ontario. The increase of sales will not continue at quite this pace forever. This could be a tough market in about 5 years.

There is a gentlemen in downtown Kitchener that has a shopping cart. He likes to put cardboard signs with things written on it all around the shopping cart. These things don’t make any sense to me. There is something written about “Dogter MacTavish and Tom Thumb.” Sara and I would like to know what any of these things mean, but it might be a conversation that can never be unheard again.

The Stanley Cup Finals begun last night. Everybody put up their hands that think Jonathan Toews is the best leader in the NHL over the past 25 years.

This past Game of Thrones episode was the epitome of a show flexing its muscles. “Oh, you think I’ve been going along a little too slowly. Take a good look brother. And let the throne run all over you.” My mouth was wide open for nearly the whole hour.

I think I told somebody recently that I missed the show Gossip Girl. Things that should not be repeated by anybody. Unless you are from the upper east side of course.

You have to be an extremely cheap person if you watch a cam version of Mad Max. You are the same person that probably watched the snowed version of The Movie Network on Friday nights at about midnight 20 years ago.

Every time that I see a snow queen type role in any Disney movie; I always think that the role would be perfect for Gwyneth Paltrow. Currently at an 87% clip of seeing her on TV I mutter “she sucks.”

Pasta with red tomato sauce is the beginners cooking recipe. There are people that even screw this up. They might even get the one that has garlic in there if they are feeling adventurous.

Mosh pits are frightening to me. Being pushed around a circle seems to have very little enjoyment. I think I am more in the getting in the middle of a circle and busting out the cookie bake-off type crew.

Once again I witnessed the bat flip from a player when his team was down 6-0 and he made it 6-2. Junior Lake of all guys flipped his bat like he was Albert Pujols. You should get one chance to throw at his crotch with a fastball in his next at bat. He has to stand directly facing the pitcher with his hands behind his head.

Watched a news story about a bus driver that was about to be fired for making a child get off of the bus after causing some problems. Another student had filmed the bus driver forcing the child off of the bus. Parents were calling for his dismissal, furious at him for being so awful. The bus driver had installed a camera at the front of the bus the day before to show the type of abuse that he takes. He took multiple shots off of the side of the head of the kids back pack. After seeing this video the school and parents backed down from their call for firing. The fact that the bus driver had to put a camera up to protect himself from prosecution is pathetic. Another instance of calling for blood before knowing both sides of the story.

There was nothing more frightening for a non-athletic person to monkey hit a ball in front of the class. The boo-birds would come out fast and furious if you missed the tennis ball more than twice in a row. Pressure would mount. The third one better be cranked to the outfield. After 5 terrible at bats you were done.

Kraft Dinner was on sale for $0.65 recently. You have many emotions when you see this price for Kraft Dinner. Fear that you will eat it every day for lunch over the next week. Sadness that you might not buy enough boxes and will have to pay regular price. And then regret after eating it in your boxers on a sunny Wednesday morning.