Modeling for the Lifestyle Section of the KW Record

What the hell was I doing before Spotify Premium?  Going through album reviews on Pitchfork, word of mouth, and full blown research on bands.  If I worked that hard at keeping in shape I could be doing photo shoots for the Lifestyle section of the Kitchener Record.

The idea of the Sunshine Girl and Boy in the Toronto Sun is outrageous.  This alone should be enough to tell you whatever political party the Sun is voting for that you should not.

Trudeau can nearly do anything that he wants and I will never think that it’s that bad because of Trump.  It’s kind of like when you are in a group of friends and one of them is always high on meth, in jail, or constantly plastered – it really doesn’t matter what happens; you will always be the golden boy that the wives will be ok with their husbands hanging out with.

Top 3 ways to make me instantly sad

3. Prevent me from petting a dog at a party. I will generally sneak a few pets in without Sara looking. She is allergic to dogs.  I think I have said that I didn’t want to go to a party if I couldn’t pet the dog.  This was a low point of my life.

2. Ask me to help you move. There isn’t an activity that I hate more than moving. At the start it’s ok, but after 10 minutes I begin to detest the things in the boxes.  “Screw you plates.  Haven’t used any of you in like a year, and you are heavy.”

  1. Anything to do with heights. I walked over a bridge in Collingwood and was nervous.  Then a child that was about 4 was jumping up and down on the bridge (which had me grabbing the side).  Not my finest moment.

Many of you know that I’ve retired from DJ’ing.  I’m actually surprised it took me this long to do it.  Everything about it is against my personality.  Forced to play music that I detest, being stressed out due to being in charge of an important part of someone’s big day, and dealing with drunk women.  Let me explain the last part.  Now, not all women are like this, but a higher percentage than you think.  Here’s the general outline of the evening for this type of female.

6 pm – Third glass of wine goes down smoothly

6:47 pm – Starting to get sick of the dinner music (even though dinner is still happening)

7:32 pm – First gin goes down smooth (dessert is beginning to finish)

8:04 pm – Classic rock dance begins – what is this DJ doing? (Old people are still in attendance)

8:43 pm – I’m requesting songs – generally have a well thought out list at this point.  “Excuse me fine sir, do you take requests?  I believe these fine songs will get the crowd moving and shaking.”  I think to myself what a pleasant woman.

9:36 pm – “He’s only played one of the six that I requested.  What’s he doing up there?  Nobody cares about the Beatles.  Paul McCartney can go fu** himself.”

9:56 pm – Slams a third shot of tequila “woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!”

10:32 pm – “You know what I want to hear? (Stands there for a second. I can see the hard drive in her brain struggling to spin) Ummmmmm, I forget what it is.  I’ll be back.”

11:28 pm – Voice level has raised.  It’s mostly just yelling random words in my ear.  I can usually make out the song though. “Dog, drunk, these shoes hurt, it’s hot in here, Despacito, Despacito, Despacito,” I’m assuming you want to hear Despacito?

12:24 am – “What’s the fu**ing song that goes huuuuum, muuuuaaah, saaaaaaaa.  You know the one.  It’s always on the radio.  Fu*****************” (there are about 23 people remaining.  Mixture of the family that have to clean up after and a wasted group of friends)

1:03 am – As I’m beginning to wind down the end.  “PLAY BABY’S GOT BACK” (Aunt June looks at me with disapproving eyes.  Sorry June, I have to do what she says.  I’m afraid of her)

1:09 am – I clean up at a mad pace

Anticipating 2017

I am not much for New Year Resolutions.  But, here’s a few things that I am going to attempt to curve or change for the upcoming year.

Limit my social media.  You would think that with the amount of things that are posted that you would actually learn something new or at least be able to have a chuckle at some thing.  This is not the case.  One thing is clear.  We find one topic and tear it apart until every single blade of the topic has been picked, and all that’s remaining is a wasteland of memes and wasted time.

Read more books.  There is so much good literature out there that nobody has ever heard of.  There isn’t a much more satisfying moment of setting that completed book down.  Hopefully this will equate to less of the above point.  This will require me to pay off my library fine unfortunately.  I feel that the library should send you a hand written letter when your book is super-overdue.  Also, if you are trying to right a wrong in retail; write a letter with pencil.  You will never see a company jump as quick as when head-office receives something written in pencil.

Look for more music.  There is quality music out there even if you don’t want to believe it.  Using Spotify and Apple Music has allowed me to find bands and solo artists that I never knew existed.  I am currently listening to Solange on Spotify, and it’s absolutely fantastic.  I know it’s extremely easy to get into that routine of only listening to what you know.  There are 75 radio stations that agree with you.  30 day challenge.  Find a solid album every 30 days, and post a review online about it.

See more live things.  Plays, music, stand up.  Need to support these artists.  There is so much talent out there, and they continue to struggle while fu**ing Chewbacca Mom becomes insta-famous.

Then there’s the obvious.  Eat healthier, hit the gym, less take out food.  This should always be a New Year goal for each and every person.

Stop eating those memberberries.  Reminiscing and focusing on when times were a certain way.  Brexit and Trump are both causes of memberberries.  People need to adjust to what the world creates.

Spend more face to face time with people.  Internet friends are cool, but nothing can replace the in person pint discussing what the Jays should do next with their ball club.

Try to only post original thoughts on Twitter and Facebook.  Need to keep this brain moving and shaking.  Can’t fall into the trap of complaining and trying to change every single thing that’s wrong with this world.

Farmers Market vegetables yo.  This is such an easy change.  There is a market that’s a 15 min walk from my place every Saturday morning.

Have a Happy New Year.

 

 

 

 

The Beta Band: Underrated and Unknown

With the recent boom of many indie rock bands we must look back upon the bands that were ahead of their time. I am going to review multiple bands that I don’t think get their due in the music industry. This is part one of the underrated and the unknown. The first band is a band from Scotland that has had varied amounts of success. It’s one of those bands that the talent outweighs the sales. The band that I would like to feature today is the Beta Band.

The+Beta+Band

The Beta Band had a slight moment in the sun when the movie High Fidelity came out. There is a great scene when John Cusack leans over to one of the co-workers in his record shop and says “I will now sell five copies of The Three E.P.’s by The Beta Band.” You then see multiple people in the shop begin to slowly get into the groove of the classic hit “Dry the Rain.” This is the exact moment that I went out searching for this record. I was able to start my journey through the history of the band. At the point that I found out about this, they already had a stellar catalogue.

One thing about the Beta Band is that no two albums sound alike. The 3 EP’s is kind of a mish mash of sounds that has an unbelievable amount of songs that are single worthy. Steve Mason has a calming space voice that is able to cut through the sounds of the songs like butter. While listening to the 3 EP’s you can really hear the three different times that this album was compiled from. “Dog’s Got a Bone” has a soft sound to it, that could thrive in a Scottish pub after work. “Dr. Baker” gives a you a shot of insanity within the sound of a piano. The Beta Band have a certain weirdness to them that will put a smile on your face. Knowing exactly when to apply some pressure, and when to alleviate it. Almost to the point where they are weaving in and out of the best parts of your mind.

It’s extremely impressive on how different the two main albums are. Beautiful acoustics, and feel in the 3 EP’s, and then the calming space sounds of Hot Shots II. It’s almost as though they found multiple sounds that can mimic the sounds of an acoustic guitar. On this album especially, Steve Mason’s voice is able to be an instrument itself. Hot Shots II is produced with such grace. Background vocals that flow with Mason’s, and sounds that are able to match the feel that they would like to produce. It is almost as though that they want to transport you into this extremely particular area of your mind and this is the sound that will allow your brain to make it there.

The movement of this record is extremely important. They know the exact point of the album where they need to tune the guitars back in. “Human Being” is a perfect example of that. A guitar solo near the end of the song is executed perfectly. You can only layer space sounds so long without having people start to tune you out. They pull the chord directly after song, and put a parachute back onto the album to allow the album to land safely back onto the grassy bed of calmness.

It’s very hard to pinpoint the sound that the Beta Band is known for. They don’t sound like anything else that is out currently. The Caribou album “Andorra” is the closest to feel that I can get to Hot Shots II. Throw on “Squares” to really get a feel for this band, and see if they can be a fit for a sunny Sunday afternoon for you. I guarantee that you will be sold. Unfortunately trying to find any albums on vinyl is nearly impossible. I am just hoping that with the driving force that is indie rock; that we can find time for the space sounds of the Beta Band.

The Three EP’s – 9.2/10
Hot Shots II – 9.7/10