Precise Gymnastics with Wil Wheaton at an Electric Six concert

Whoever makes the Girl Guide Cookies made a big mistake by changing the recipe. We all taste the difference, and are disappointed with the end result. I will still buy them, but I am no longer going to buy the 6 boxes at once.

We were able to go trick or treating around the office at Halloween time. People had candy out on their desk to be able to scoop up. We made the calculated decision to go at lunch hour so that we wouldn’t have to see that “maybe you shouldn’t take that extra one; because everybody needs a chance to get one” look on their face when they weren’t there.

Electric Six are coming to town again. This is one of the best bands to see live. Energy, fantastic riffs, and the fact that only about 20 people are in the crowd are all excellent reasons to see them.

I once went as MC Hammer to a bar in my home town for Halloween. I remember very little about this evening, but I do remember that most people thought I was Aladdin. Until Can’t Touch This came on. The crowd went into a frenzy as I shuffled across the floor with extreme precision. It is still talked about to this day by the locals.

Anybody else have an uneasy feeling while walking on train tracks? And it’s only because of Stand by Me that I have these feelings. And the fact that Wil Wheaton is everywhere makes me always think of this.

Yesterday, part of the family won an experience put on by Xbox Canada. It was a real life Lara Croft: Tomb Raider experience on a farm in Uxbridge. We competed against other teams in events like Axe Throwing, Rock Climbing, and Arrow Shooting. It was a fantastic event, and an extremely tough workout. And if you guessed that I am amazing at axe throwing you would be guessing right. If you guessed that I would be great at arrow shooting. Well…

I have only ate too many marsh-mellows once. It was once too many. There are certain things that you throw-up that make it look like you should go to the hospital. Marsh-mellows are one of those items. So is clamato juice.

Keith Urban stated recently that he wished he would have wrote the song “Pretty Pimpin” by Kurt Vile. Respect level has risen to 3 out of 100 for Keith Urban.

Black Sabbath is on tour. I remember seeing them when I was in college 15-20 years ago. They were fu**ing old then.

One of the groups that were part of the Xbox event was a band. They were all dressed in leather jackets with the band’s name on the back of their jackets. Each band member had the exact same haircut of the shaved underneath, grown over look while wearing shades in the pouring rain. I saw one band member reading a book. It was called: The Douchebag guide to all things douchey.

The Gift – 7.7/10
End of the Tour – 8.2/10

The Gift is a decent thriller with a few twists and turns about a man having his past coming back to haunt him.

The End of the Tour is a Rolling Stone story that never saw the light of day. Based on an interview done with a well-known author who committed suicide.

I am off to Palm Springs, California for work tomorrow. I hope it snows here.

We all had that person that called you buy your brother’s name. Mine was my gym teacher. The unfortunate part was that my brother was a better athlete then I was. I overheard some of his comments. “Why can’t Smith dribble? When did he get so bad at floor hockey? I don’t remember him being so graceful in gymnastics.”

Advertisements

Moustaches and the Price to Pay for the Morphine Addiction that Follows

Going to Blue Jays game number 7 today. Dickey is once again on the mound. I always try to buy tickets to slow paced knuckleballers so I can consume the most beer possible throughout the day.

Movati gym is gorgeous. Going at 5am is a very unique experience. You sit in a hot tub with 70 year old men and discuss politics. Stanley made a great joke about Stephen Harper’s lack of personality, we chuckled – it was a good day.

The Tea Party came to town to play The Edges of Twilight from start to finish. It was a great show. He still looks like Jim Morrison. For some reason they didn’t offer the vinyl copy of the album. Who buys CD’s? I prefer something that requires a lot of work to listen to please. Makes you work for the experience. I like to hand-wash my clothes as well.

Kurt Vile has a new record coming out at the end of this month. If you have listened to me ooze about his last album you will know that I am just downright giddy for the follow up.

Walk in the Woods – 3.4/10
Get Hard – 4.6/10
Straight Outta of Compton – 8.7/10

If you would like to see what a heart attack would look like if it was a person watch Nick Nolte in Walk in the Woods. Robert Redford reminds me of that friend that always says that he would be good at stand up, and in the back of your mind you think to yourself – you would be awful.

Work sent me to Vegas. I am also being sent to Orlando in October. I know it’s tough, but somebody has to go to these places.

After eating at Boston Pizza does anybody receive the bill and think to themselves “That was a great $70.00 spent?” I always feel like Zoodles and two room temperature Bud Lite’s would be about 76% as good as what I just ate here.

Never liked the teachers that wrote their name with such authority on the black board the first time that I met them. Every single student thinks you are going to be a dick if you do this.

It’s a very strange existence for the generation that grew up in the ‘90s have. We are right in between the age of hard work and the age of innovation. We think everybody that is younger is lazy, and think everybody that is older are dinosaurs and won’t accept technology. But mostly we just get offended by everything, and are sad that we got degrees in subjects that there are no jobs in.

Moustaches quickly vanished. There was a time a couple of years ago that 7% of the male population rocked a moustache. This style was traded in for a razor. They didn’t shave the moustache though. They decided to shave part of their head, and comb the rest of their hair over it. This style died out in 2018. Here we see….

I think that started as a comment on moustaches and became being walked around the museum of style by a guide?

Sara and I booked trips to Paris. There was a mistake fare of course. We haven’t decided where we are going to go when we get to Paris though. Maybe Belgium, Hungary, or Morocco? Maybe Bed, Bath, and Beyond. Just not sure if we will have time though.

We all pretend that we are really into live music when it’s a surprise at a pub. We are like “oh yeah a band.” We are into it for a couple of songs, and then realize that it’s impossible to talk over the band playing Summer of ’69. But we still pretend to enjoy ourselves yelling into the ear of the person directly beside you.

I know blogs have been scarce recently. I am trying to get back on the band wagon. My morphine addiction has taken hold and I should be able to write more now.

Extinct Animals Uncomfortable at Big Music Fest

Yesterday featured Soundgarden, Jane’s Addiction, Monster Truck, and Extreme at Big Music Fest. I am fairly certain that there was a memo sent out to play as heavy as possible. It seems as though with the cancellation of Rod Stewart that Kitchener is about to overtake the city known as the Hammer for their love of heavy music.

Palm Bay had a small tent on the premises. Sara and I were nearby a lady that I was unsure about. She was all over the map. Singing along to Extreme, and “wooooing,” at very odd times. Then in an instant her top was pulled down. And boobs were out. This was an unexpected turn of events. I forgot to mention that this was 5:30 in the afternoon.

The worst shirt of the day goes to the guy that we saw in the washroom line. “Hit her in the shitter;” it had a stick figure woman throwing up, with a man directly behind her. He was a steroid junky that looked like he could have been cast in Jersey Shore. This is not only the worst shirt of the day. It could be the worst of all-time.

Nobody is more apologetic then when they step on their own cat’s tail. It’s not because we are that sorry, we just know the cat is going to be a dick after this.

Jose Gonzalez was the main act for the Winnipeg Folk Festival. Here’s the updated score of Winnipeg versus the rest of Canada. Winnipeg 2 – Canada 198.

We took the bus yesterday. I am always unsure of the bus. I always relate it back to Jim Jefferies comedy sketch. “I don’t need to take the bus. I have a car. I am choosing to take the bus. Because I am a responsible person.”

I am starting to get a bit of a beer gut. My running routine has gotten off track. Mainly, because I am now used to air-conditioning and I would rather run in a gym, and I have not joined one as of yet.

Remember when it was cool to disrespect the cops? Why was this ever cool? This is the one group of people that can make your life tough. You don’t go to a border agent, trying to get across the border and start talking smack.

The McDonalds on Ottawa St last night did an excellent job of feeding many drunk rockers. They pulled together nicely as a unit, and I commend them for this.

As you grow older as a man; your eyebrows begin to get out of whack. Working in a retail position for many years I have realized that roughly two percent of old men don’t give a fu**.

There is a type of cheese called mild. What does this even mean? Do you not want it to taste like anything? “Shaped like cheese, but tastes like nothing please.”

Back in the middle ages did men really get catapulted over walls? There is no was that I would be comfortable with this. There is absolutely nothing that you can do if you get shot directly into the wall.

Young children grabbing the garbage’s and old men handing out water bottles. Felt like Walmart at the music festival yesterday.

It was surprising that there was no medical issues or fights that I witnessed yesterday. Middle-aged rockers in Kitchener can handle their drugs and alcohol. There were many proud people when Cornell stated that the stage was in a big haze of pot smoke, and that it was likely that they might forget some of the songs. This is when proud Kitchener folk do their “woooooing.” “We are getting him fu**ed up. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.”

Big Game – 9.0/10

Big Game was excellent. It’s a cute movie about an attempted assassination on the President of the United States, played by Samuel L. Jackson; and a Finnish boy that is attempting to make his Father proud by hunting for big game on his own. You will have to watch it to see how it formulates together.

What is the deal with these shirts that you can wear that show off pictures on your back when you get sunburnt? The images I mainly see is of dragons. This sounds about right.

Ask Siri what 0 divided by 0 is. You will not be disappointed.

Top 3 things overheard at a concert, but nowhere else.

1. Do you think anybody will notice if I just go piss in the corner of the beer gardens?
2. The best value is the cider. It’s $10.00, but it’s in a tall can.
3. These wood chips aren’t too bad to sit on. At least they soak in the smell of the garbage.

There was a nearly extinct animal at the concert yesterday. The animal that owns the haircut of shaved on one side, with a comb over to the other side. We tried not to spook him to send him running in his deck shoes.

Hacksaw Jim Duggan and his Service Ontario Story

I have started a new job, it is a completely different life working from a desk and not having to deal with the general public. Also 9-5, Monday-Friday isn’t bad (hands behind head, feet up, basking in sun.)

If you would like to have a mixture of transportation back to the 90’s and shockwaves of remembrance of the movie American Pie – go to see Treble Charger play. It was like being in a mediocre time-machine.

If you have not gone to see the beer exhibit at the Museum on Homer Watson in Kitchener and are a fan of beer do it. Do it now. Halfway through the exhibit your mouth starts to water, and your car cannot drive fast enough to a local brewery. They give you a fantastic background of the history of beer in the tri-city area. I started drinking OV again and grew a ‘80s mustache within 26 seconds.

Sara and I have decided that we will not rub any contest wins in people’s faces on Facebook. I won $500.00 last week for tweeting about my favourite small business. Blogs were not included in this agreement.

We were gracious recipients of free Tragically Hip tickets from a couple of great people for their Monday show at the Aud. It was nearly a perfect Hip concert for me. Played everything from about ’97 and before. Gord Downey is a very strange man. There isn’t a drug that makes people dance quite like that.

I want to be involved in one of those strange car chases from the late ‘70s. You know the ones with the giant boats flying around corners, fish tailing, with no one ever really catching up to the other person. Well it looks like they are catching up, but the next scene they are still the same distance behind.

There are very few jobs that you couldn’t tell people about. And wouldn’t know if you were proud or not proud to be in. Porn star is one of them.

We are thinking about joining a gym. What’s important to me about a gym? That they have a TV at the treadmill that plays sports or science fiction with closed captioning. That is all. Oh, and no grunting please.

The Missing is a brilliant British TV show about a child that gets abducted from a very public area, and the father is trying to piece together the case years later. Everything is excellent in this show. Give it a watch. 8.8/10

With certain people’s opinions about shows you should be able to stop them before they even begin to speak. Or something shocks their brain when they begin to give their opinion if they have watched every one of the Transformers or Twilight movies.

In the ‘80s the true American Hero was a dude that carried a two-by four of wood that had either had brain damage or had an extremely low IQ. He used to wave his two-by-four yelling “ohhhhhh.” This was who we identified America with. Happy 4th of July to our neighbors from the south.

hacksaw-jim-duggan

Many people have told me that they didn’t celebrate Canada Day because of the bills that have been passed recently. I don’t celebrate Canada Day because of our Government. I celebrate it because of the people that live within the country. That, and I like to eat and drink.

The most dangerous time to talk to a person and asking for a response, is when they have mouthwash in their mouth. Drink it, bad. Spit it out, bad. Allow a small amount to go down your chin, bad.

There is not an area in the city of Kitchener on Saturday morning that have people standing in line that look angrier than the Service Ontario line. These people are on the edge of a freak out episode. This is the main reason driver’s license pictures always look like prison pictures.

Top 3 nerve racking moments behind the wheel of a car that aren’t actually that dangerous of a situation, but we slow down anyways.

1. Plastic bag flopping through the air towards you like a bat out of hell
2. People in the next lane driving the exact same speed as you
3. Person off the side of the road with their four ways on urinating

Don’t ever use the words “hungry” for a joke if the person is from the country Hungary. It will never work. And you will look like a foolish man or woman with beef noodle soup running down your face.