Petting Turtles While at the Poker Table in Vegas

Some of my social media accounts were hacked last weekend and I’ve spent the entire week changing passwords, reporting incidents, and apparently helping people make BIG money in crypto. The low point was sitting at the Jays game, watching them get blown out on Sunday, baking in the sun, and fire-fighting with my Instagram account. If a little kid booted me in the balls that’s the only way that things could have gotten worse.

On the positive side, I received a disability cheque from the Government due to having colitis. It was comical going through the interviewing process… “how many times do you go to the washroom per day?” “Would you say the amount of time in the bathroom has caused your work to suffer?” Would you be more productive if you weren’t in the washroom so much?” It made me feel like George Castenza that I have a permanent work office in the can.

I’m going to Vegas twice this year. I really have no idea why I like Vegas so much – maybe the fact that it’s utterly ridiculously fake or that there’s is action at all times, or, that you can people watch the entire vacation and likely be amused. The last time there I saw a man with a cowboy hat at a poker table, the next morning he was still in the exact same seat but wearing shades. It makes me feel better about myself that my mild gambling habit hasn’t caused me to rip a cowboy hat and play poker for 12 straight hours.

The key to Vegas is having a plan. You can get stuck in stasis with sooo much to do and see – that you end up at a Pauly Shore comedy show and eating at Johnny Rockets. Have a plan, stick to it, and forget the Visa in the safe in the room.

Began running again, it really helps take the edge off of a stressful job. I’m also back in the nodding club… this is the people that are also exercising and taking care of their bodies – you get a slight nod of acceptance every time you run past them. The former club I was in (The Falls Road Bar Fly Club) has revoked my membership and is only allowing a single Guinness for each trip there.

My old man is a Hawks fan and I’m a Flyers fan – we currently have a contest of who is the worst run NHL team in the league between our two favourite teams. Tony DeAngelo for 3 draft picks!?!? He fought his own goalie, had a racial slur on ice, and was pissed when Trump was banned from Twitter to the point where he tried to fight it online. Yup, Flyers doing Flyers things with that pick-up. Maybe, they should see if they can pull Ron Hextall out of retirement.

If you ever want to feel bad about taking care of yourself – go to see a dental hygenist. My teeth are actually in pretty decent shape according to my dentist, but if my hygenist had anything to say about it, she would believe that my teeth might begin to fall out like a meth addict if I don’t begin flossing 16 times a day.

My favourite people to talk to during sales calls are from the South. There’s nothing better than getting a verbal from a guy from Tennessee with a “hell ya, I can get that done before then”.

Sara and I are finally going to pull the trigger on a dog. She has attempted to trick me by saying we can just visit dogs, or, we should get a robot dog, or, what about a fish. I’m standing my ground and we’re going to get a dog from the human society… fast-forward 6 months, Daryl is petting a turtle named Benny after Benjamin Sisko in Star Trek… “this isn’t so bad, I guess” Benny looks up at Daryl wondering what the fu** he’s doing petting him.

Advertisement

High-Fives for My Peeps

As a human race, we were never supposed and we’re also not used to having every piece of knowledge at our fingertips. There have always been terrible things happening in the world but there has never been a time when we could get slapped in the face with it all at once. Add in the disinformation to manipulate the mass population to be swayed one way or the other and you’ve got a big ol’ bowl of “what’s the fu**ing point” soup. It’s really easy to get swept away by the giant picture and forget about the little things that make people happy.

It’s extremely difficult to get out of the negative mindset… even with the ability now to do more stuff, I’m still finding myself being pulled back in time and time again to stories and events that I cannot control – I see an injustice and I want to fix it but it’s overwhelming my brain seeing multiple struggles on the planet earth because I can only do so much… help so much. The billionaires that can do something about it, don’t. Yeah… depressing shit!

I’d like to offer up high-fives to those people that are fighting the uphill battle to help… Spending time with family members, getting involved in local events, helping small businesses, lending a hand to people in need, coaching a kid’s sports teams, taking an interest in their significant other’s hobbies, staying active, posting positive things online, learning to play an instrument, cutting back on their social media, using less filters for their pictures – because you’ve accepted yourself, stopping their obsession with celebrities, travelling to other parts of the world, telling others they have done a great job, messaging a teacher from back in the day that had an importance in your life today, being there for someone that needs it, checking in on someone that might also need it, mentoring someone, picking up a new skill, trying something new, making people laugh, going out of your way to help, holding the door open for an elderly person, buying a meal for anybody, complimenting someone on their look/attire, reviewing movies online, supporting live music, then posting about it… you folks deserve a high-five, and are what’s going to help us get over these dark days until Starfleet has a chance to be formed.

It’s so easy to get caught up in the bullshit of the world that to pull yourself out of it, do some good. I can guarantee it’ll make you feel better about the earth and who lives on it.

Craft Beer, and Where To Eat in the Tri-Cities

For those that know me, you are likely fully aware that I’m a big fan of craft beer. In this blog, I’ll feature the restaurants that do it right and a small description of why I love the places so much. It’s easy to get lazy when it comes to finding the places to eat and support, due to how easy it is to just hit chains. They’re familiar, you know the menu, you understand what you like from there, it’s quick and easy… fully get it.

Arabella Beer Bar:

When they initially opened, I thought it was an extremely cool spot; they had a wicked selection of beer, excellent snacky food and a cool hipster vibe. Arabella doesn’t have TVs to fully promote chatting with people, instead of staring mindlessly at a sports game. Then, they went through a phase of constantly being slammed with people, extremely loud, music was even louder, and it was difficult to chat in a friendly setting. On top of this, they went through a phase of having A LOT of sours (yuck!). Recently, I decided to give it a few more chances, and to my happiness, they are back, and with a vengeance. Start with the food; they have a top-notch smash burger, the legendary chip truck fries that are deep-fried with a malt vinegar type oil, and many other incredible sharing options. Arabella has also honed on their beer selection – they have various top craft beer options and do an excellent job of mixing and matching Porters, Stouts, IPAs, Lagers, Barrel-Aged, Pilseners, etc., from the best breweries in Ontario. Also, their patio setting is excellent in the cutesy Belmont Village area… I highly recommend giving them a shot on a hot summer day.

Falls Road:

Right around the corner from my place is the hole-in-the-wall pub, Falls Road. The building is TINY, formerly an Enterprise car rental place. What makes this place unique, besides the fantastic regulars that can constantly be seen there, is their live music. Every weekend they get top-notch musicians, and being such a small establishment, the sound is fantastic. The pub food they offer is one of the best in the city, and they constantly upgrade their sauces and recipes, experimenting with new flavours. The craft beer selection is alright, they bring in a few of the different KW-craft beers, but that isn’t their specialty… they pour the best Guinness in the city, and it’s a wicked vibe there always.

The Bent Elbow:

The Elbow’s vibe is great. You sit down and receive a beer bible, which is a book that explains the flavour of each beer – they have blues/jazz/classic rock playing in the background. Harold is the snarly owner that loves to chat and knows his stuff in regards to food, beer, and sports. The food is excellent, coming in huge portions with a lot of flavours. The Elbow is the OG of craft beer bars, doing it around a decade earlier than everyone else… and poke fun at the Coors Lite and Bud Lite drinkers of the world by having the urinal flusher being a Bud Lite keg handle, while the Coors Lite keg is literally water. The beer selection is constantly revolving and has some misses and some hits, but it’s really about the against-the-grain vibe that makes it so appealing.

AOK Craft Beer and Arcade:

It was a happy day when AOK re-opened their doors post-lockdowns – they were only open for a few months before having to close down due to the pandemic, it was a great feeling. AOK has classic video games, ballpark-type food, and a wicked craft beer selection. The coolest thing about their bar is that you never know if you are going to have people hitting it up after work, a family with kids playing the games, or craft beer lovers. It’s a unique place that is run by a top-notch staff and is by far the most fun place to have a quick bite to eat and a couple of great pints. Whether you want to shoot hoops, play Tetris, classic pinball, Super Smash Brothers, AOK has it all… it’s very likely you will see me there at 5 pm on a Wednesday or Thursday weekly.

The Gator’s Tail:

The crown jewel of Southern Ontario. They do it all! Yuk Yuks, sports bar, karaoke, great service, fantastic cajun style food, and THE BEER… The difference between Gator’s and the rest is that if you want a Bud or Coors, you can get that, but the gem is their craft beer menu. Every single brewery that they bring in is the cream of the crop – they also specialize in IPAs, which makes it so difficult to choose a couple of beers, because I have to drive. There’s nothing better than going to Gator’s on a Sunday afternoon, watching 3 different football games at the bar area, having their famous gumbo, and sipping on a Third Moon and then a Badlands. I can’t say enough great things about this place, they are generally pretty quiet and have a really cool bar seating area… the owners are extremely good people, that take care of their employees, and the regulars are all super-nice.

If you haven’t checked out these places, I highly recommend checking them out. One thing that you’ll notice is that all f of these places are small businesses and their love of the food, vibe, and beer has earned them regulars like myself.

The Whirlwind of the Past Five Years

This is my experience over the past 5 years…

For over a decade I worked in the retail field and didn’t have a desire to leave it.  It was comfortable and the money was decent enough to make a living.  It was always an assumption (of mine) that I would end up working in Real Estate or managing a big box store of some sort down the line.  Around 2 years before Future Shop closed its doors, most people could see the writing on the wall.  Instead of doing 70-80k per day on the weekend, it was dwindling down to 30-35k.  Staffing was non-existent in certain departments and sales-people were asked to be experts in all different areas of technology. I actually sold a fridge with a closing line of “that it could take a punch if you ran out of beer”. It was only a matter of time before our store in Cambridge was going to fold up and I would receive a buy-out.  At the time in my head, it did not make sense to look for a new career because of this.

Over those two years, I was determined to figure out what to do next – Real Estate, Insurance, and Managing in Retail were all possibilities… sales in tech was where I decided to go.  It wasn’t easy to get into, there were many companies that didn’t want to hire a mid-30’s retail sales dude as an Account Executive.  Most tech companies want b2b (business to business) sales experience which I did not have.  Business Development was generally a role for young adults straight out of school and had a salary that was going to be a pay cut compared to what my commissions were at FS.  Even after deciding that it was worthwhile taking the dip it was still extremely difficult to get hired into this role. Most companies figured that I would leave at the first chance I got.  That, or my expectation to move up within the company would be urgent – interviews were piling up in tech, but no bites.  There was a job at a Bell store that was sitting waiting for me, but the burnout from Retail was real for me.  I did work one day at Bell and dealt with a (Karen) customer issue of their kid streaming media while in the States and the bill was in the hundreds… that afternoon I decided to quit with no offer in hand.

Finally, I interviewed with a cybersecurity company called eSentire… I’d never heard of them and had no idea what they did.  I met with a VP at the company that was building out the Business Development program and ran the Inside Sales team as well.  This dude interviewed me in a style that I had never seen or been a part of before… no standard template of interview questions or typical fluffy banter.  It was a relaxed conversation asking me questions on how I (the style) sold computers at Future Shop and drilling into what his concerns were about hiring someone that had so much experience selling a certain way.  Instantly, my guard was down, and it felt like a real-life conversation you would have at a bar versus being judged and analyzed.  It was refreshing and I laid it all out and ended up getting the gig.

Since then it has been a crazy ride of moving into different roles and learning all sides of how tech sales works.  The easiest way to describe the fast-paced world of tech is, it is like a very addictive drug.  Every decision and direction that you take has a huge impact on the business – I have been lucky to be given a lot of free reign on the moves and vision that I have.  To make changes at most companies it has to run through multiple layers of the business before even the smallest thing can be changed.  This is not the case at most tech companies, changes are often made on the fly. This makes the job fun, and also extremely stressful.

In my case, I’m directly/have been responsible for the livelihoods of dozens of young professionals that for the most part is in the first “career” type job.  The hiring strategy that I take is that it is preferable for the candidate to have had a tough job (retail, serving, door to door, etc…) in the past. Cold calling potential prospects requires a thick skin and have already dealt with tough situations it is easier to get over that “fear” barrier. Generally, with the talented people that I have seen it takes 6 months of the job before I see the light bulb “turn on” above their head. At that point, you can generally see what skills they have to help them choose a career path to strive towards in the future. Anywhere from the 1 year to the 2-year mark they leave the nest so to speak. It’s extremely satisfying seeing people that I’ve managed to move into different areas of tech, and quickly have success… that’s my drug! If I didn’t get a chance to work with my original VP there’s no doubt in my mind that things would have ended a bit differently. He taught me that I could be myself while managing… (I’d like to think of myself as) honest, genuine, and empathetic when leading. I always had this idea in my head that you needed to “become corporate” when in charge – there is nothing further from the truth. The goal that was imprinted on my brain was that you allow people to show you their skillset, give them structure and confidence to excel in the role without hanging over them.

I’ve been lucky to have great leadership for nearly my entire time moving from eSentire to Axonify, and back to eSentire – you don’t know how important it is until it’s gone.  I have no idea where/what I will be or doing in 5 years… that used to stress me out.  Now, since living in slightly controlled chaos it does not give me the same anxiety – it’s a nice feeling.

Ghostbusters All-Dog Cast

There is something about going through a food lineup with a rectangular designed dinner plate that makes you feel like you did something wrong.

One of my unknown talents is that I can swallow about 6 pills at once. This talent is only useful as a 75 year old man or at an Armin Van Buren show.

I picked up dry cleaning like an adult yesterday. “Yes, yes, I am very important. Give me that suit. Business stuff going on. Did you get that chocolate stain out? I was eating a drumstick at an undesirable temperature.”

Adventure’s Guild in Kitchener is fantastic. Nearly every board game that I have ever heard of is available. Learning how to play a new board game when nobody in the group has ever played it before is always the same. You look around the group hoping somebody that is nodding that they actually understand the rules is just lying, and is secretly just as slow as you are.

Watched Little Shop of Horrors in St. Jacobs this past Thursday. It was incredible. Especially the sets. The dinner that was included was at the Stone Crock in St. Jacobs. Not incredible. It felt like I was eating food after I was awoken from the Matrix. Is there supposed to be flavor? They almost blew our minds when they attempted to serve us coffee at the beginning of the meal. It was all very confusing.

While waiting at red lights I watch Pedestrians as they cross the street to see if any of them stumble a little just to watch their reaction. They either play it cool, and act like nothing happened, or they go back to the part of the road that was the culprit, kick it to the point of satisfaction that nobody else will ever trip on it again. Either way – we in the cars know, and we enjoyed watching it happen.

I believe in some things that hippy-ish. Like, leaving a smaller footprint. Trying to use less resources. Living a simple life. Until, the mention of not even needing doctors. You can heal everything naturally. Yup, you had me until you mentioned Aliens Scientologists.

**Before people become offended and begin to write things on my Facebook defending Mother Nature’s cures for all. Know that this is a comedy blog, and I have discussed Hamburger Helper becoming a person, and using ketchup as a weapon**

Sara and I know for a fact that all plants are killable. “Sun and water? What about just air?”

Did you know lip chap only has that tingly feeling on your lips to make you think that it’s working? It does nothing for you. What’s next, Tang isn’t oranges just made into powder?
In I want to throw my brain off of a bridge because the TV is so bad news. 11 shows from the CW have been renewed.

Don’t know if anybody was keeping track, but I was 3 for 4 on my Oscar picks that were posted. I always feel like after I say anything like this that a child with snot running down his nose is going to put his hand up.

Ghostbusters 2 has an all-female cast. Put up your hands if you don’t care that it’s all-female. Keep your hands up if you know that they are going to remake these movies over and over again with males and females. Again keep your hands up if you could care less if it was an all-dog cast, and their barks were lasers that captured the ghosts into their mouths and they said “nummy” in a comedic way after they finished devouring the ghost.

Need Help Making Kitchener Hip

With so much information at our finger tips you would think it would be easier to motivate yourself to have variety in your lifestyle. We sometimes attempt to find something different to do within the city and have to filter through the mountains of junk online to find it. We then have to navigate through all of the restaurants in the city to find the family owned non-chain establishments that gets decent reviews. We get bombarded by advertising from the big chains, and after spending 30 min trying to find somewhere different to go, you end up settling on Swiss Chalet, it’s the easiest. Off of the top of your head name places to eat for tonight that aren’t chains. I can only think of one or two right away. We have to try hard to think outside the box when it comes to almost all of the entertainment in the city. Why aren’t there easy ways to find out cool places to eat and hang out?

I try to find things to do in the city, and end up getting frustrated by the difficulty. Slicing and dicing through the internet trying to find some type of website that will give you a small nugget of knowledge rather than going to the theater to watch whatever “masterpiece” that Michael Bay has released.

You hear about cool things that other people do, but have no idea where they found out about this event or where it was even located. I have realized that unless it is spoon-fed to people they will not make any effort whatsoever. There is a theater in Kitchener that sells craft beer…. It also doesn’t charge $17.00 for popcorn and a pop. It charges $10.00 for a craft beer and a popcorn. Did you know that there is a restaurant downtown Kitchener that sells banh-mi Vietnamese subs (delicious) for $3.00? They actually had a sign outside apologizing that they had to raise the price from $2.75 to $3.00. Word of mouth shouldn’t have to be the only way that these businesses get recognition. Not with the internet at your fingertips. There are sites like Trip Advisor that make it a bit easier. But if I was to wager I would guess that maybe 2 in 10 people use this to make choices on places to eat.

We are zombies that have settled for over-priced mediocrity. Afraid of the unknown. Don’t want to get out of our comfort zones whatsoever. Not wanting to do any type of work to find the hidden gems. Putting your feet up on your lazy boy, throwing on the Big Bang Theory, engulfing your Domino’s Pizza with a Bud Lite in hand ready to face your Friday night head on with your subconscious mind making the easy decisions for you. Maybe we think we deserve a weekend of not having to think. Maybe this is how we unwind. How do we feel on Sunday evening? Well, I hate Monday’s quite a bit more when I feel like I wasted my whole weekend doing exactly what I did for the previous 3 weekends.

Unfortunately I do not have all of the answers. I can only review the things that I have tried and the things that I give the thumbs up to. Some of you have tried the places that I recommended, and enjoyed it. Most of you still haven’t tried, but like the idea of it, can’t push yourself to actually do it. Then there are others. The Zombie Herd. You don’t even want to try it. I have never been disappointed by this place or that place. I don’t need to try this out, this is good enough. I was once one of you. You can break free from this. There are people out there that do and make great things, and we have no idea. Just because they don’t have the money to advertise and you have never heard of it doesn’t mean that it’s terrible. It means you have never heard of it. I do not want to live in a world where Elison’s Bistro or Gilt has to close down so that a Boston Pizza or a Crabby Joe’s can go in its place.

I just got back from New York and I was intrigued by all of the different things there was to do. Now of course KW is not New York, but there are some similarities with all of the different places to go and eat. The majority I had never of. It was a very difficult choice picking between some of the best reviewed restaurants. In most Canadian cities it’s chain after chain. We have a country full of diversity and we somehow have this stigma in certain cities of supporting anything new. It’s becoming better though the younger generation makes me proud. Tech start-ups have brought out interesting young folks that seem less satisfied with the everyday. We are picking up steam in this city. Now if we just had a website that could pull it all together. Restaurant, entertainment, pub, music, and everything Kitchener reviews. KW Awesome where are you on this? Communitech has done a great job of getting talented people with money here. We are looking for places to go and things to eat. Reviewing the best of everything. Inexpensive, moderate, and fine dining. Tell us about the things going on Starlight or Maxwell’s. Sgt Peppers Album by the Beatles was just done by the symphony orchestra and Steven Page formerly of the Barenaked Ladies was a part of it. Pretty cool! Did anybody else know about this? Sort through the mess. Many great things are happening here, we just need a website to tell us about it. Help!

Like my Facebook page:  https://www.facebook.com/hoseheadsblog/?ref=aymt_homepage_panel

Playing Trivial Pursuit with Leo DiCaprio at the Oscars.

DiCaprio is finally going to win his Oscar. Most people have to just act really well to win their Oscar. DiCaprio has to go through pain and torture to win his. The dude ate a real bison liver in the Revenant. If this doesn’t get the award for him, he will be considered the Pete Rose of the entertainment world. Except he did nothing wrong and makes fantastic films. Just like Pete Rose?

It’s going to be very strange when Keith Richards actually passes away. How will the internet react?

The Big Short – 9.3/10
The Revenant – 8.6/10
Star Wars – The Force Awakens – 9.1/10
Brooklyn – 8.5/10

I went into the new Star Wars with zero expectations. Expecting to have the same feeling after eating a slightly burnt piece of toast with an Our Compliments strawberry jam spread over it. But, and to my chagrin, it is excellent. Only complaint – they didn’t stray far enough away from the original storyline.

Another thing, what is the courteous amount of time that you can post spoilers online without being crucified? I think you can give it two weeks. That’s similar to getting angry at somebody for finishing the chips and dip after two weeks. “I didn’t even get any of that dip man. I had Making a Murderer all queued up. And you ate all of the dip. Sure, there are two scrapings left, but my chip broke off and now I can’t access it unless I use my finger. You ruined the night Rick. You inconsiderate bastard.”

Canadian Dollar problems? Well, maybe we shouldn’t have put the whole country’s future in the stock of oil. We should have started growing more cauliflower.

It’s not the fact that so many celebrities are passing away. It’s the amount of cool ones that are dying which is concerning.

Justin Bieber’s new album isn’t that (while sighing very loudly) bad.

This is one of the few years that I have actually watched every single best picture nominee. Each one of the films deserves to be on the shortlist. Here are my predictions.

Best Picture – Spotlight
Best Actor – Leo DiCaprio – The Revenant
Best Actress – Brie Larson – Room
Best Supporting Actor – Sylvester Stallone – Creed
Best Supporting Actress – Jennifer Jason Leigh – Hateful Eight
Best Director – Alejandro González Iñárritu – The Revanant

I felt so guilty about watching Doctor Who without Sara that I had to tell her right away. I also felt the need to buy her dinner. I then told her that she could watch Law and Order SVU anytime without me. She told me that wasn’t the same. And she was right.

My head is still spinning from watching the Green Bay/Arizona game last night. Throwing a football 65 yards off of your back foot and across your body with that type of accuracy is something that you can only appreciate if you have every played… Well anything! Do you know how fu**ing hard that is to do?

The power went out at the Aud while at the Rangers game this past Friday. People screamed right off the bat, and then the cell phones all lit up. You could have probably played the rest of the game with the light off each person’s phone. So much easier to hold up then a lit lighter as well. “How much longer is this song? My thumb has been burnt 3 times.”

Just to reiterate the point again. Listen to the new David Bowie album. Creating an album of this magnitude while battling a life threatening disease isn’t something that happens every day.

We all wish that Caesar Salad was healthier than it actually is. We mutter to ourselves that we are making the better choice. But we all know the truth. It’s the diet coke of salads.

The way that you get out of being asked to play pick-up basketball is to tell them that you don’t know how to dribble, don’t play any defence, and only shoot 3’s. If you still get asked, then you just continue to say “Game… Blouses!” after every basket regardless of who scored.

Top 3 things that are said while playing Trivial Pursuit with anybody

3 – You only know that answer because you are old.
2 – You always get the easy questions. This is bullsh**.
1 – Let’s play Monopoly and see what happens.

Adele’s fear of Black Friday, and how French Onion dip helped.

There is a weird sense of satisfaction that goes over somebody’s face when you call them a filthy animal.

Black Friday has come and gone. When you don’t work in the retail world it’s just another day. If you do work in the retail world, it’s a massacre on the senses. You get home from work and pour yourself a stiff drink. Your wife approaches you slowly. Touches you on your shoulder, you flinch slightly. She asks you how your day was, you sit in silence. You shower with your head down. Listening to Adele until the pain begins to subside. As you look up, you see the shadow of Boxing Day coming down the street. It’s about to all begin again. Then a hefty pay cheque comes. Life is good again.

I haven’t been involved in all that many pillow fights. But I remember one distinctly. Somebody put a stuffed animal in their pillow to give it more weight. Somebody got hit with the eye of the stuffed animal through the pillow case. It was my first memory of somebody using an illegal object in a match. This person wasn’t allowed any grape pop and had to be the New York Islanders in NHL 95.

Going to the afternoon movies by yourself is underrated. Especially when most of the crowd is of the older generation. Eating popcorn one by one, and sipping on their small diet coke. It was my kind of crowd.

Room – 9.5/10

One of the best movies that I have seen this year. About a girl that was abducted 7 years ago and ends up having a child. One room is all the child has ever seen. It’s also from the prospective of the child. Brie Larson should be up for a best actress nomination in my opinion.

I don’t know what’s wrong with the Green Bay Packers. It’s like trying to explain why some people like the smell of gasoline.

Top 3 things that when I am driving that make me upset that I feel bad about

1. Getting upset at an elderly person crossing the road when I am trying to turn left. You just want to pick them up and carry them to the other side.
2. Driving directly behind a city bus, and coming up to a railway track. “I have never seen a damn train ever on this track. Why are we still stopping? Just in case a two man push/pully comes through?”
3. Cyclists – I know, I know. You have no room at all in the Tri-Cities, but when you beat me to where I am going because I am in a traffic jam it upsets me.

There are many people that I have talked to that believe they could be a stand-up comedian. You just think to yourself “there is no fu**ing way.” This is the point where you want to call them out. But then you have to give them a few minutes to bumble through a fart joke. So, the lesson here is that you just agree that they could do it.

Sometimes I am selfish. There are times when I wish a band wouldn’t succeed quite as much so they will come to Kitchener for a concert.

As a species we can be dull. Constantly complaining about things that we don’t have any control over or don’t know the facts about. Never creating something for yourself. Something that you haven’t seen, heard, or read before. Just regurgitating things that you see online that are the same right wing or left wing idea that’s in your head. It’s so bloody boring.

The Maze Runner – Scorch Trials (I fell asleep with 30 min to go. This will give you an idea of the rating that it’s about to receive.) 2.9/10

If you enjoy watching movies with teenagers running for their lives – then this is a must see.

You know you are talking to a musician if they say Jimi Hendrix is overrated. You know you are talking to a musical snob if their top 5 albums are bands that you have never heard of.

I have explained why I was eating something bad to my cat once. They were giving me this look of shame when I opened a French onion dip and stuck my finger and just ate that. “There was only a bit left.”

Squirrels shooting up Omega 3’s in Palm Springs with Leo DiCaprio

It’s difficult to access the part of my brain that is meant for humour right now. But I will not let anyone affect my life because of their senseless actions. Pause for everyone that has been involved in any type of terrorist attack.

Was sent to Palm Springs recently by work. I can sum up all you need to know about Palm Springs by letting you know that a man that was at the table beside me fell asleep sitting up at the airport while waiting for his food. The waitress gave him the quiet “sir” to wake him from his slumber. He went directly to eating his food and drinking his beer when he awoke.

Marco Estrada for 2yrs/26 million. Yup, all day.

Found out that Leo DiCaprio purchased a house in Palm Springs recently. Was hoping to gain access to his entourage. I feel that I would be a good add to his group. I don’t have any skills in particular, but I could always tell him how handsome he looked, and that he was robbed at the Oscars again.

Omega 3 pills that say that they don’t have a fishy after taste, should actually say that it only has 2 hours of fishy aftertaste.

I really enjoy eating fish, but I hate being that guy that makes the whole lunch room reek like tilapia. Even though I do like to count how many people bring up that it smells like fish in the lunch-room.

Squirrels can’t figure out what’s going on. They have all of their nuts ready to rock and roll for the winter, but the weather is still fairly decent – so they decided that they would just play chicken with my car each and every day.

When your wife says to you that you are getting onto a bus to go on a Tomb Raider amazing race type of thing you always say yes.

Is there an alternate universe where Wes Anderson is directing a Transformers movie?

James Bond: Spectre – 7.7/10
Entourage – 4.5/10
Vacation – 5.3/10

Entourage and Vacation were basically my only options on the plane. Entourage seems about as outdated as a Maxim Magazine with Meg Ryan on the cover.

Ronda Rousey lost her fight last night and the internet exploded. I don’t watch UFC whatsoever, but that kick to the face made me cringe.

You know what movie makes me angry – “Up.” You can’t have a man trying to hide his tears at the start of the movie. You have to play it cool for the rest of the hour and a half of the movie. At least in other movies, you can go to the kitchen and grab a beer, open chip bags, or walk the dog; because it’s at the end. “Up” gives you no chance. Sara sees right through that “there is something in my eye” line. Then you receive that “oh, it’s ok hug” which only makes it worse.

I was picked up at the airport on Friday. My driver had one and only one interest. Talking about traffic. I have never had an hour long conversation about traffic before. I didn’t even know it was possible. He didn’t even fall for my pretending to sleep move, the conversation about traffic must continue.

Top 3 things that I can’t see James Bond doing.

3 – Eating a Schneiders Hot-Dog.  No hot-dog cooking method seems right for 007.

2 – Having diarrhea – even the Mongolian Grill wouldn’t get through that iron stomach.

1 – Singing along at a Toby Keith concert – Red Solo Cup sung by Bond?

I can’t end the blog on this note.  I was once attacked by my cat that I had to hide behind a chair.  The cat paced out front of the chair taunting me, and then faked walking off.  When I thought the coast was clear that cat leaped out of nowhere onto my leg.  I shuffled around the room trying to get the cat off of my leg.  The worst part about this day was that I was hungover and I think the cat sensed that.  It tormented me at my weakest moment.

Harold Reynolds and his mission to ruin Thanksgiving in Canada

Happy Thanksgiving – sometimes I wish I had one of those families that had that uncle that was going through a divorce, had a little too much to drink, and starts spilling all the beans on the family business.  Unfortunately, my family is pretty normal.

Top 3 creepy things you can do while at the Thanksgiving parade

  1.  Eat an ice cream cone by yourself, but eat it at a much slower pace than usual, and look around at the crowd while doing it.
  2. Cheer out of control for things.  Whether it be candy or just a float with advertising on it.  Uncontrollable cheering will always be appreciated.
  3. Take off your shirt and wrap it around your waist while sporting a decent pair of ’80s villain shades.  Then continue to weave in and out of the crowd, gently bumping into people.

When you wake up in the middle of the night and have a hard time falling back asleep some of things that you think about are weird.  I was debating getting up and putting some potato chips in the freezer.  I remember them tasting much better after doing that.

Thanksgiving Tacos – is this a thing for anyone?  I understand that Turkey is the thing, but since most of us go to multiple Thanksgivings; we could maybe throw this into the mix.  Ground turkey, cilantro, onion, spinach, salsa, and sour cream.

The aging process will always hit you the same way when you are in your mid-30s.  You will begin to walk outside in the fall and just marvel at the beauty of the trees.  Any other time of your life, you either complain about Winter coming or that you have to clean up the leaves on the yard.

The Martian – 9.0/10

This is an extremely realistic look at a man being abandoned on Mars and having to try to survive.  It’s so realistic that many people took to the Twitter world and asked if this was based on a true story.  74% of these people are also voting PC this election.

I have faith in the Toronto Blue Jays and the Green Bay Packers.  I cannot say the same for the Philadelphia Flyers.  They stink!  They might struggle in a game against the Listowel Jr. “B” Cyclones.

Work sent me to Orlando recently.  Unlike Vegas, it is nearly impossible to get into trouble near Disney.  “Oh sir, the nightlife is everywhere here.  There is a great wings restaurant that is open till 10pm.  They have margarita’s and hot wings.  That is if you are really living on the edge.”

Everybody is upset with Harold Reynolds.  He stated during the Jays game last night the following.  “There’s not a lot of people playing baseball in Canada.  They’re not used to catching a lot of balls in the stands.”  Hopefully this goes to 5 games so we can say not very nice things to him and pelt him with Timbits.  Then apologize after.

The nectar of the Gods is available at Innocente Brewery.  It’s called their Charcoal Porter.

If you wear tighter shirts your muscles do look larger.  But you have to be careful.  Your beer gut also appears to be larger as well.  Maybe I will get a shirt that is tight up top, but loose on the bottom.  Wait, that’s a dress.

The board game Pandemic should state in the rules that if you have had 6 beers or more that your brain would be better suited to play Ticket to Ride.  After 12, it’s Snakes and Ladders.

If I ever received a phone call and somebody was using the voice box on the other line.  I would just hang up.  I can guarantee that whatever you say is not a good deal for me.