Ghostbusters All-Dog Cast

There is something about going through a food lineup with a rectangular designed dinner plate that makes you feel like you did something wrong.

One of my unknown talents is that I can swallow about 6 pills at once. This talent is only useful as a 75 year old man or at an Armin Van Buren show.

I picked up dry cleaning like an adult yesterday. “Yes, yes, I am very important. Give me that suit. Business stuff going on. Did you get that chocolate stain out? I was eating a drumstick at an undesirable temperature.”

Adventure’s Guild in Kitchener is fantastic. Nearly every board game that I have ever heard of is available. Learning how to play a new board game when nobody in the group has ever played it before is always the same. You look around the group hoping somebody that is nodding that they actually understand the rules is just lying, and is secretly just as slow as you are.

Watched Little Shop of Horrors in St. Jacobs this past Thursday. It was incredible. Especially the sets. The dinner that was included was at the Stone Crock in St. Jacobs. Not incredible. It felt like I was eating food after I was awoken from the Matrix. Is there supposed to be flavor? They almost blew our minds when they attempted to serve us coffee at the beginning of the meal. It was all very confusing.

While waiting at red lights I watch Pedestrians as they cross the street to see if any of them stumble a little just to watch their reaction. They either play it cool, and act like nothing happened, or they go back to the part of the road that was the culprit, kick it to the point of satisfaction that nobody else will ever trip on it again. Either way – we in the cars know, and we enjoyed watching it happen.

I believe in some things that hippy-ish. Like, leaving a smaller footprint. Trying to use less resources. Living a simple life. Until, the mention of not even needing doctors. You can heal everything naturally. Yup, you had me until you mentioned Aliens Scientologists.

**Before people become offended and begin to write things on my Facebook defending Mother Nature’s cures for all. Know that this is a comedy blog, and I have discussed Hamburger Helper becoming a person, and using ketchup as a weapon**

Sara and I know for a fact that all plants are killable. “Sun and water? What about just air?”

Did you know lip chap only has that tingly feeling on your lips to make you think that it’s working? It does nothing for you. What’s next, Tang isn’t oranges just made into powder?
In I want to throw my brain off of a bridge because the TV is so bad news. 11 shows from the CW have been renewed.

Don’t know if anybody was keeping track, but I was 3 for 4 on my Oscar picks that were posted. I always feel like after I say anything like this that a child with snot running down his nose is going to put his hand up.

Ghostbusters 2 has an all-female cast. Put up your hands if you don’t care that it’s all-female. Keep your hands up if you know that they are going to remake these movies over and over again with males and females. Again keep your hands up if you could care less if it was an all-dog cast, and their barks were lasers that captured the ghosts into their mouths and they said “nummy” in a comedic way after they finished devouring the ghost.

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Need Help Making Kitchener Hip

With so much information at our finger tips you would think it would be easier to motivate yourself to have variety in your lifestyle. We sometimes attempt to find something different to do within the city and have to filter through the mountains of junk online to find it. We then have to navigate through all of the restaurants in the city to find the family owned non-chain establishments that gets decent reviews. We get bombarded by advertising from the big chains, and after spending 30 min trying to find somewhere different to go, you end up settling on Swiss Chalet, it’s the easiest. Off of the top of your head name places to eat for tonight that aren’t chains. I can only think of one or two right away. We have to try hard to think outside the box when it comes to almost all of the entertainment in the city. Why aren’t there easy ways to find out cool places to eat and hang out?

I try to find things to do in the city, and end up getting frustrated by the difficulty. Slicing and dicing through the internet trying to find some type of website that will give you a small nugget of knowledge rather than going to the theater to watch whatever “masterpiece” that Michael Bay has released.

You hear about cool things that other people do, but have no idea where they found out about this event or where it was even located. I have realized that unless it is spoon-fed to people they will not make any effort whatsoever. There is a theater in Kitchener that sells craft beer…. It also doesn’t charge $17.00 for popcorn and a pop. It charges $10.00 for a craft beer and a popcorn. Did you know that there is a restaurant downtown Kitchener that sells banh-mi Vietnamese subs (delicious) for $3.00? They actually had a sign outside apologizing that they had to raise the price from $2.75 to $3.00. Word of mouth shouldn’t have to be the only way that these businesses get recognition. Not with the internet at your fingertips. There are sites like Trip Advisor that make it a bit easier. But if I was to wager I would guess that maybe 2 in 10 people use this to make choices on places to eat.

We are zombies that have settled for over-priced mediocrity. Afraid of the unknown. Don’t want to get out of our comfort zones whatsoever. Not wanting to do any type of work to find the hidden gems. Putting your feet up on your lazy boy, throwing on the Big Bang Theory, engulfing your Domino’s Pizza with a Bud Lite in hand ready to face your Friday night head on with your subconscious mind making the easy decisions for you. Maybe we think we deserve a weekend of not having to think. Maybe this is how we unwind. How do we feel on Sunday evening? Well, I hate Monday’s quite a bit more when I feel like I wasted my whole weekend doing exactly what I did for the previous 3 weekends.

Unfortunately I do not have all of the answers. I can only review the things that I have tried and the things that I give the thumbs up to. Some of you have tried the places that I recommended, and enjoyed it. Most of you still haven’t tried, but like the idea of it, can’t push yourself to actually do it. Then there are others. The Zombie Herd. You don’t even want to try it. I have never been disappointed by this place or that place. I don’t need to try this out, this is good enough. I was once one of you. You can break free from this. There are people out there that do and make great things, and we have no idea. Just because they don’t have the money to advertise and you have never heard of it doesn’t mean that it’s terrible. It means you have never heard of it. I do not want to live in a world where Elison’s Bistro or Gilt has to close down so that a Boston Pizza or a Crabby Joe’s can go in its place.

I just got back from New York and I was intrigued by all of the different things there was to do. Now of course KW is not New York, but there are some similarities with all of the different places to go and eat. The majority I had never of. It was a very difficult choice picking between some of the best reviewed restaurants. In most Canadian cities it’s chain after chain. We have a country full of diversity and we somehow have this stigma in certain cities of supporting anything new. It’s becoming better though the younger generation makes me proud. Tech start-ups have brought out interesting young folks that seem less satisfied with the everyday. We are picking up steam in this city. Now if we just had a website that could pull it all together. Restaurant, entertainment, pub, music, and everything Kitchener reviews. KW Awesome where are you on this? Communitech has done a great job of getting talented people with money here. We are looking for places to go and things to eat. Reviewing the best of everything. Inexpensive, moderate, and fine dining. Tell us about the things going on Starlight or Maxwell’s. Sgt Peppers Album by the Beatles was just done by the symphony orchestra and Steven Page formerly of the Barenaked Ladies was a part of it. Pretty cool! Did anybody else know about this? Sort through the mess. Many great things are happening here, we just need a website to tell us about it. Help!

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Playing Trivial Pursuit with Leo DiCaprio at the Oscars.

DiCaprio is finally going to win his Oscar. Most people have to just act really well to win their Oscar. DiCaprio has to go through pain and torture to win his. The dude ate a real bison liver in the Revenant. If this doesn’t get the award for him, he will be considered the Pete Rose of the entertainment world. Except he did nothing wrong and makes fantastic films. Just like Pete Rose?

It’s going to be very strange when Keith Richards actually passes away. How will the internet react?

The Big Short – 9.3/10
The Revenant – 8.6/10
Star Wars – The Force Awakens – 9.1/10
Brooklyn – 8.5/10

I went into the new Star Wars with zero expectations. Expecting to have the same feeling after eating a slightly burnt piece of toast with an Our Compliments strawberry jam spread over it. But, and to my chagrin, it is excellent. Only complaint – they didn’t stray far enough away from the original storyline.

Another thing, what is the courteous amount of time that you can post spoilers online without being crucified? I think you can give it two weeks. That’s similar to getting angry at somebody for finishing the chips and dip after two weeks. “I didn’t even get any of that dip man. I had Making a Murderer all queued up. And you ate all of the dip. Sure, there are two scrapings left, but my chip broke off and now I can’t access it unless I use my finger. You ruined the night Rick. You inconsiderate bastard.”

Canadian Dollar problems? Well, maybe we shouldn’t have put the whole country’s future in the stock of oil. We should have started growing more cauliflower.

It’s not the fact that so many celebrities are passing away. It’s the amount of cool ones that are dying which is concerning.

Justin Bieber’s new album isn’t that (while sighing very loudly) bad.

This is one of the few years that I have actually watched every single best picture nominee. Each one of the films deserves to be on the shortlist. Here are my predictions.

Best Picture – Spotlight
Best Actor – Leo DiCaprio – The Revenant
Best Actress – Brie Larson – Room
Best Supporting Actor – Sylvester Stallone – Creed
Best Supporting Actress – Jennifer Jason Leigh – Hateful Eight
Best Director – Alejandro González Iñárritu – The Revanant

I felt so guilty about watching Doctor Who without Sara that I had to tell her right away. I also felt the need to buy her dinner. I then told her that she could watch Law and Order SVU anytime without me. She told me that wasn’t the same. And she was right.

My head is still spinning from watching the Green Bay/Arizona game last night. Throwing a football 65 yards off of your back foot and across your body with that type of accuracy is something that you can only appreciate if you have every played… Well anything! Do you know how fu**ing hard that is to do?

The power went out at the Aud while at the Rangers game this past Friday. People screamed right off the bat, and then the cell phones all lit up. You could have probably played the rest of the game with the light off each person’s phone. So much easier to hold up then a lit lighter as well. “How much longer is this song? My thumb has been burnt 3 times.”

Just to reiterate the point again. Listen to the new David Bowie album. Creating an album of this magnitude while battling a life threatening disease isn’t something that happens every day.

We all wish that Caesar Salad was healthier than it actually is. We mutter to ourselves that we are making the better choice. But we all know the truth. It’s the diet coke of salads.

The way that you get out of being asked to play pick-up basketball is to tell them that you don’t know how to dribble, don’t play any defence, and only shoot 3’s. If you still get asked, then you just continue to say “Game… Blouses!” after every basket regardless of who scored.

Top 3 things that are said while playing Trivial Pursuit with anybody

3 – You only know that answer because you are old.
2 – You always get the easy questions. This is bullsh**.
1 – Let’s play Monopoly and see what happens.

Adele’s fear of Black Friday, and how French Onion dip helped.

There is a weird sense of satisfaction that goes over somebody’s face when you call them a filthy animal.

Black Friday has come and gone. When you don’t work in the retail world it’s just another day. If you do work in the retail world, it’s a massacre on the senses. You get home from work and pour yourself a stiff drink. Your wife approaches you slowly. Touches you on your shoulder, you flinch slightly. She asks you how your day was, you sit in silence. You shower with your head down. Listening to Adele until the pain begins to subside. As you look up, you see the shadow of Boxing Day coming down the street. It’s about to all begin again. Then a hefty pay cheque comes. Life is good again.

I haven’t been involved in all that many pillow fights. But I remember one distinctly. Somebody put a stuffed animal in their pillow to give it more weight. Somebody got hit with the eye of the stuffed animal through the pillow case. It was my first memory of somebody using an illegal object in a match. This person wasn’t allowed any grape pop and had to be the New York Islanders in NHL 95.

Going to the afternoon movies by yourself is underrated. Especially when most of the crowd is of the older generation. Eating popcorn one by one, and sipping on their small diet coke. It was my kind of crowd.

Room – 9.5/10

One of the best movies that I have seen this year. About a girl that was abducted 7 years ago and ends up having a child. One room is all the child has ever seen. It’s also from the prospective of the child. Brie Larson should be up for a best actress nomination in my opinion.

I don’t know what’s wrong with the Green Bay Packers. It’s like trying to explain why some people like the smell of gasoline.

Top 3 things that when I am driving that make me upset that I feel bad about

1. Getting upset at an elderly person crossing the road when I am trying to turn left. You just want to pick them up and carry them to the other side.
2. Driving directly behind a city bus, and coming up to a railway track. “I have never seen a damn train ever on this track. Why are we still stopping? Just in case a two man push/pully comes through?”
3. Cyclists – I know, I know. You have no room at all in the Tri-Cities, but when you beat me to where I am going because I am in a traffic jam it upsets me.

There are many people that I have talked to that believe they could be a stand-up comedian. You just think to yourself “there is no fu**ing way.” This is the point where you want to call them out. But then you have to give them a few minutes to bumble through a fart joke. So, the lesson here is that you just agree that they could do it.

Sometimes I am selfish. There are times when I wish a band wouldn’t succeed quite as much so they will come to Kitchener for a concert.

As a species we can be dull. Constantly complaining about things that we don’t have any control over or don’t know the facts about. Never creating something for yourself. Something that you haven’t seen, heard, or read before. Just regurgitating things that you see online that are the same right wing or left wing idea that’s in your head. It’s so bloody boring.

The Maze Runner – Scorch Trials (I fell asleep with 30 min to go. This will give you an idea of the rating that it’s about to receive.) 2.9/10

If you enjoy watching movies with teenagers running for their lives – then this is a must see.

You know you are talking to a musician if they say Jimi Hendrix is overrated. You know you are talking to a musical snob if their top 5 albums are bands that you have never heard of.

I have explained why I was eating something bad to my cat once. They were giving me this look of shame when I opened a French onion dip and stuck my finger and just ate that. “There was only a bit left.”

Squirrels shooting up Omega 3’s in Palm Springs with Leo DiCaprio

It’s difficult to access the part of my brain that is meant for humour right now. But I will not let anyone affect my life because of their senseless actions. Pause for everyone that has been involved in any type of terrorist attack.

Was sent to Palm Springs recently by work. I can sum up all you need to know about Palm Springs by letting you know that a man that was at the table beside me fell asleep sitting up at the airport while waiting for his food. The waitress gave him the quiet “sir” to wake him from his slumber. He went directly to eating his food and drinking his beer when he awoke.

Marco Estrada for 2yrs/26 million. Yup, all day.

Found out that Leo DiCaprio purchased a house in Palm Springs recently. Was hoping to gain access to his entourage. I feel that I would be a good add to his group. I don’t have any skills in particular, but I could always tell him how handsome he looked, and that he was robbed at the Oscars again.

Omega 3 pills that say that they don’t have a fishy after taste, should actually say that it only has 2 hours of fishy aftertaste.

I really enjoy eating fish, but I hate being that guy that makes the whole lunch room reek like tilapia. Even though I do like to count how many people bring up that it smells like fish in the lunch-room.

Squirrels can’t figure out what’s going on. They have all of their nuts ready to rock and roll for the winter, but the weather is still fairly decent – so they decided that they would just play chicken with my car each and every day.

When your wife says to you that you are getting onto a bus to go on a Tomb Raider amazing race type of thing you always say yes.

Is there an alternate universe where Wes Anderson is directing a Transformers movie?

James Bond: Spectre – 7.7/10
Entourage – 4.5/10
Vacation – 5.3/10

Entourage and Vacation were basically my only options on the plane. Entourage seems about as outdated as a Maxim Magazine with Meg Ryan on the cover.

Ronda Rousey lost her fight last night and the internet exploded. I don’t watch UFC whatsoever, but that kick to the face made me cringe.

You know what movie makes me angry – “Up.” You can’t have a man trying to hide his tears at the start of the movie. You have to play it cool for the rest of the hour and a half of the movie. At least in other movies, you can go to the kitchen and grab a beer, open chip bags, or walk the dog; because it’s at the end. “Up” gives you no chance. Sara sees right through that “there is something in my eye” line. Then you receive that “oh, it’s ok hug” which only makes it worse.

I was picked up at the airport on Friday. My driver had one and only one interest. Talking about traffic. I have never had an hour long conversation about traffic before. I didn’t even know it was possible. He didn’t even fall for my pretending to sleep move, the conversation about traffic must continue.

Top 3 things that I can’t see James Bond doing.

3 – Eating a Schneiders Hot-Dog.  No hot-dog cooking method seems right for 007.

2 – Having diarrhea – even the Mongolian Grill wouldn’t get through that iron stomach.

1 – Singing along at a Toby Keith concert – Red Solo Cup sung by Bond?

I can’t end the blog on this note.  I was once attacked by my cat that I had to hide behind a chair.  The cat paced out front of the chair taunting me, and then faked walking off.  When I thought the coast was clear that cat leaped out of nowhere onto my leg.  I shuffled around the room trying to get the cat off of my leg.  The worst part about this day was that I was hungover and I think the cat sensed that.  It tormented me at my weakest moment.

Harold Reynolds and his mission to ruin Thanksgiving in Canada

Happy Thanksgiving – sometimes I wish I had one of those families that had that uncle that was going through a divorce, had a little too much to drink, and starts spilling all the beans on the family business.  Unfortunately, my family is pretty normal.

Top 3 creepy things you can do while at the Thanksgiving parade

  1.  Eat an ice cream cone by yourself, but eat it at a much slower pace than usual, and look around at the crowd while doing it.
  2. Cheer out of control for things.  Whether it be candy or just a float with advertising on it.  Uncontrollable cheering will always be appreciated.
  3. Take off your shirt and wrap it around your waist while sporting a decent pair of ’80s villain shades.  Then continue to weave in and out of the crowd, gently bumping into people.

When you wake up in the middle of the night and have a hard time falling back asleep some of things that you think about are weird.  I was debating getting up and putting some potato chips in the freezer.  I remember them tasting much better after doing that.

Thanksgiving Tacos – is this a thing for anyone?  I understand that Turkey is the thing, but since most of us go to multiple Thanksgivings; we could maybe throw this into the mix.  Ground turkey, cilantro, onion, spinach, salsa, and sour cream.

The aging process will always hit you the same way when you are in your mid-30s.  You will begin to walk outside in the fall and just marvel at the beauty of the trees.  Any other time of your life, you either complain about Winter coming or that you have to clean up the leaves on the yard.

The Martian – 9.0/10

This is an extremely realistic look at a man being abandoned on Mars and having to try to survive.  It’s so realistic that many people took to the Twitter world and asked if this was based on a true story.  74% of these people are also voting PC this election.

I have faith in the Toronto Blue Jays and the Green Bay Packers.  I cannot say the same for the Philadelphia Flyers.  They stink!  They might struggle in a game against the Listowel Jr. “B” Cyclones.

Work sent me to Orlando recently.  Unlike Vegas, it is nearly impossible to get into trouble near Disney.  “Oh sir, the nightlife is everywhere here.  There is a great wings restaurant that is open till 10pm.  They have margarita’s and hot wings.  That is if you are really living on the edge.”

Everybody is upset with Harold Reynolds.  He stated during the Jays game last night the following.  “There’s not a lot of people playing baseball in Canada.  They’re not used to catching a lot of balls in the stands.”  Hopefully this goes to 5 games so we can say not very nice things to him and pelt him with Timbits.  Then apologize after.

The nectar of the Gods is available at Innocente Brewery.  It’s called their Charcoal Porter.

If you wear tighter shirts your muscles do look larger.  But you have to be careful.  Your beer gut also appears to be larger as well.  Maybe I will get a shirt that is tight up top, but loose on the bottom.  Wait, that’s a dress.

The board game Pandemic should state in the rules that if you have had 6 beers or more that your brain would be better suited to play Ticket to Ride.  After 12, it’s Snakes and Ladders.

If I ever received a phone call and somebody was using the voice box on the other line.  I would just hang up.  I can guarantee that whatever you say is not a good deal for me.

Liquid metal did it all for the Nookie

Volkswagon! Why? “Also the airbags don’t work. Didn’t think anyone would notice that either.”

Kurt Vile has made a wonderful new record – b’lieve I am goin down. Guitar work is immaculate, and the tone of the whole album in general is just a thing of beauty. 8.9/10

I like being experimental with food. Except for with chips. You are the worst if you are hosting an event and everybody is enjoying the evening and you go to grab snacks and this is said right after. “I haven’t tried these before, but they look great. Avocado barbeque chips anyone?” I know some of you think that sounds good. Well, it kind of does, but please have dill pickle on file just in case.

Me, Earl, and the Dying Girl – 8.4/10

Perfectly shot and fantastically written. Tough story line, but really well done. I recommend this to everyone, including you Dhooma. If it has more than 3 paragraphs of dialogue and no robots Dhooma is out.

Fantasy Football is a roller coaster of emotion. You believe your team is solid. Davante Adams is going to break out this year. 2 weeks later. “Davante Adams is sh**!”

In recent studies it has shown that Toronto is the worst city in North America to drive in. Great night tonight. Paid $200.00 for each Leaf ticket, was stuck in traffic for 2 hours. Paid $40.00 for parking, and the Leafs lost 5-0. And we are just now figuring out that this isn’t a fantastic evening for the whole family.

At one point in my life I was playing the Sims and made the Sims all my current friend’s names. I would walk around town and talk to them and see what they were up to. It was entertaining to see what they were doing, and see how closely they resembled my actual friends. I then realized that I could actually really do this if I wanted to, and stopped playing the game.

There was always that one kid at the pool that attempted to do crazy stunts off of the diving board. You knew one of these times he was going to really hurt someone or himself, but somehow it never happened. Wonder what he is doing now?

Everyone always feels uncomfortable around police officers. Even if we aren’t doing anything wrong. We just assume that they are like the Terminator from T2. They are going to look right at us, understand that there was a point that we did glance at our phone while driving; morph from liquid metal into a motorcycle and come after us.

There should be support groups for bad music that we have purchased when we were younger. Sit around in a circle and talk about it. “How did you feel the first time that you heard Nookie? Did you feel like you did it all for that?”

Halloween is coming up. I do enjoy dressing up. I always get put into costumes that are extremely uncomfortable, and have to grow a moustache for. Actually I think this is my own doing. I just look so damn attractive with that beautiful area of hair above my upper lip.

There are three times in my life that I have agreed to things that I wouldn’t have normally agreed to; because I didn’t hear what they said and was just trying to be polite.

You would think that I would follow this up with my top 3, but the Jays game is starting.  D Smith out!

Moustaches and the Price to Pay for the Morphine Addiction that Follows

Going to Blue Jays game number 7 today. Dickey is once again on the mound. I always try to buy tickets to slow paced knuckleballers so I can consume the most beer possible throughout the day.

Movati gym is gorgeous. Going at 5am is a very unique experience. You sit in a hot tub with 70 year old men and discuss politics. Stanley made a great joke about Stephen Harper’s lack of personality, we chuckled – it was a good day.

The Tea Party came to town to play The Edges of Twilight from start to finish. It was a great show. He still looks like Jim Morrison. For some reason they didn’t offer the vinyl copy of the album. Who buys CD’s? I prefer something that requires a lot of work to listen to please. Makes you work for the experience. I like to hand-wash my clothes as well.

Kurt Vile has a new record coming out at the end of this month. If you have listened to me ooze about his last album you will know that I am just downright giddy for the follow up.

Walk in the Woods – 3.4/10
Get Hard – 4.6/10
Straight Outta of Compton – 8.7/10

If you would like to see what a heart attack would look like if it was a person watch Nick Nolte in Walk in the Woods. Robert Redford reminds me of that friend that always says that he would be good at stand up, and in the back of your mind you think to yourself – you would be awful.

Work sent me to Vegas. I am also being sent to Orlando in October. I know it’s tough, but somebody has to go to these places.

After eating at Boston Pizza does anybody receive the bill and think to themselves “That was a great $70.00 spent?” I always feel like Zoodles and two room temperature Bud Lite’s would be about 76% as good as what I just ate here.

Never liked the teachers that wrote their name with such authority on the black board the first time that I met them. Every single student thinks you are going to be a dick if you do this.

It’s a very strange existence for the generation that grew up in the ‘90s have. We are right in between the age of hard work and the age of innovation. We think everybody that is younger is lazy, and think everybody that is older are dinosaurs and won’t accept technology. But mostly we just get offended by everything, and are sad that we got degrees in subjects that there are no jobs in.

Moustaches quickly vanished. There was a time a couple of years ago that 7% of the male population rocked a moustache. This style was traded in for a razor. They didn’t shave the moustache though. They decided to shave part of their head, and comb the rest of their hair over it. This style died out in 2018. Here we see….

I think that started as a comment on moustaches and became being walked around the museum of style by a guide?

Sara and I booked trips to Paris. There was a mistake fare of course. We haven’t decided where we are going to go when we get to Paris though. Maybe Belgium, Hungary, or Morocco? Maybe Bed, Bath, and Beyond. Just not sure if we will have time though.

We all pretend that we are really into live music when it’s a surprise at a pub. We are like “oh yeah a band.” We are into it for a couple of songs, and then realize that it’s impossible to talk over the band playing Summer of ’69. But we still pretend to enjoy ourselves yelling into the ear of the person directly beside you.

I know blogs have been scarce recently. I am trying to get back on the band wagon. My morphine addiction has taken hold and I should be able to write more now.

Gowron raising money for his Kickstarter campaign in Port Dover

Blue Jay fans are completely on the bandwagon. We had to buy tickets a month out for the Red Sox series recently. I do think scalpers deserve this though. It’s been twenty years of trading September Blue Jay tickets for Raul Mondesi 3rd year Topps near mint condition cards.

Finally went for a haircut. When the hardest part of your life is trying to find a time with your hairdresser; because of your 9-5 schedule, you are probably doing alright.

I know you want your child’s name to be unique. I realize you want them to feel special. They will thank you if you just give them a name that is easy to spell. Rebekkah has wasted 379 hours spelling her name to strangers in the future.

In Montreal they are changing some of the Liberal signs to Klingon Gowron signs due to its dark colours. I approve.

gowron

Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation – 8.7/10
Terminator: Genysis shithead from the future that goes back in time as part-machine – 2.1/10

If you are not watching Sense8, you should be. One of the best character developed scifi shows that I have seen in years. It’s on Netflix, and available on all things jail-broken.

When I was a young lad I always remember one of my birthdays in particular. I had received a present that was a squirt gun that contained purple liquid that my mother thought would stain the entire house. She watched in complete horror as it was sprayed all over the house with giddiness by young children. It was consumed with delight as it looked like purple kool-aid. This was the best and worst birthday gift of all time. It did stain the house, and we had to sell the house at a reduced value afterwards.

After working in retail for many years I can now safely say that the worst joke to say to somebody working in retail is when they ask if you need a hand – is to clap.

The feeling of getting a brown envelope in your mail box is either fantastic or terrible. There is no in between.

If women want to bike topless – go ahead. I’ve had to see many of men walking in downtown Kitchener with a smoke in their mouth, jean shorts on, with their Motley Crue shirt around their waste. It would be a nice change of pace.

I prefer not to discuss politics in my blog. But Orange Crush is a very tasty soda.

Now thinking back of going to the driving range, I kind of feel bad about aiming at the dude on the tractor that was rounding up all the golf balls. That was a dick move by Smith, and I apologize if it has any lingering effects on your adult life. You did get 500 made-up points for hitting the tractor though.

One of my few talents is to look like I am really trying hard to lift something heavy when there is 4 people lifting something into a truck. Really, I am just doing enough so it doesn’t hit the ground.

I joined a gym. I joined Movati. Which used to be called the Athletic Club. I never thought this day would ever happen. I am pretty sure I owe somebody ten bucks from my home town.

Did everybody enjoy Boot’s and Hearts a couple of weekends ago? I would rather have a full pickle jar thrown at my grown by David Price from 7 feet away than go to that festival.

Sara and I were recently in the Port Dover area. We visited a couple of breweries and wineries; had a little lunch in the Dover, and then ventured back home. We tried to fit in Home Depot, but we just didn’t have time.

Thong sandals feel like a violation on my toes.

Some people like the idea of breakfast in bed. Until it actually happens. You are eating pancakes drenched over syrup on a small table, over a $300.00 white duvet. “Kids, I just really want to eat with you guys in the kitchen.”

Just recently Sara and I went to our first Kickstarter campaign. It involved a free dinner, a couple of free drinks, and an iPad win for Daryl. Just another Sunday night for the Smith-Dhooma team.

Train Rides after Witnessing a Unicorn wearing a Big Johnson Shirt.

I turned 37 yesterday. I still haven’t really figured anything out. I guess you just keep on doing things that you love to do, and hang out with the people that you enjoy hanging out with. Is it that simple?
Saturday was my birthday pub crawl in Downtown Kitchener. Had a grand old time with friends and family. My actual birthday was a day of re-hydration and Swiss Chalet.

The Jays have made massive moves to improve the team. I wasn’t completely sold on the Tulowitzki trade. That is until they pulled off the David Price trade. Dickey and Buerhle have been pitching lights out recently as well. I am not sure if they can catch the Yanks, but they should be in the one game playoff.

Super Meat Boy is a game. It’s a very popular game. You compete levels and blood puddles on the screen in areas that you are dragging your meat boy body around. This is the type of thing that needs to be created if you would like to become rich.

The local theatre is showing a Counter-strike tournament on the big screen. You don’t play. You watch people playing a video game. Are people going to illegally record this on a camera and put it on YouTube? I don’t know what’s cool anymore?

Top 3 most nervous times in the childhood of Daryl Smith.

1. Facing Mike Tyson in the final match in Punchout. My face was 2 feet from the TV screen, and my hands would shake with the fear of getting “knocked the fu** out.”
2. Having to go to the front of the class in Grade 2 and do a book report on James and the Giant Peach without actually reading the book.
3. Being extremely close to having to wear head gear at school. Who invented this? Did it have to be so gigantic?

After going to the dentist recently, I was told that I generated an awful lot of saliva. I was confused whether this was good or bad; so I just said thank-you.

Train Wreck – 8.9/10
The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel – 5.7/10

Train Wreck is excellent. Amy Schumur is fantastic, and extremely refreshing in this role. Just watching somebody putting together an actual realistic comedy with a few spurts of romance is a thing of beauty when done properly. Bill Hader is solid, and Lebron is actually very good as well. Great movie.

Stepping on Lego does suck. Why does it always have to happen at 6:25 am? I no longer have to worry about these things, but a simple reminder to have your children put their Lego away.

Zero interest in hot air balloons. A man with colitis and a fear of heights does not do well in these situations.

You need to have a certain look to be a local mechanic. Grizzled, straight talking, and in between the heights of 5’5” and 5’8”. Being able to smoke a pack a day is a bonus point.

I actually witnessed somebody wearing a Big Johnson shirt. It was a mint condition shirt, tucked into jean shorts. It was like watching a beautiful stallion within a herd of Holstein cattle.

big-jhonson

Tame Impala has a new album out. It is absolutely beautiful. It’s a danceable psychedelic medley. 9.4/10.

There are still people that are using the push/pull lawn mower. It feels like there should be more people using this. Especially with houses being built with exactly 7 square feet of lawn.

They are producing Chuck Taylor’s with better insoles. They are about 25% more expensive. One of the experiences about wearing Chuck Taylor’s is the feeling of just strapping cardboard to your foot.

Recently in the UK a man drugged his girlfriend so that he could continue to play video games. George and Jerry, action figures, anybody, Bueller, Bueller.

ceila

I am amazed by people with artistic skills. The humans that I draw always either have arms coming out of their neck or have weird rubber, circular arms.

It is very hipster, but I would like my next birthday to be a train ride to Stratford to visit the brewery, and to see a play. I know, better be careful, what an animal.