John Scott feeling manly in Morocco

I went to see Black Sabbath 17 or 18 years ago when I was in college. I remember thinking then that this is going to be the last time that I see them, and Ozzy is surely going to die within the next 5-10 years. They are still going. They performed brilliantly in Hamilton recently. 8.3/10

Sara and I were in Morocco. If you ever want to see somebody stick out as a tourist, just watch me in my bright blue Jays cap attempt to weave through the streets of Marakeesh trying to go unnoticed. “What me a tourist. Oh I would love some tea in your carpet shop. What a nice guy.”

The Oscars are tomorrow. Leo will finally win his best actor award. And some bloggers will lose exactly 16% of their blogging material.

Why do people clap after the plane lands? The other option is crashing and dying. Denzel can fly one of these things wasted. Can’t be that difficult.

I went searching on the internet for what ISIS actually wants. Don’t bother, it’s just as crazy as you think it is.

Watched an episode of Fuller House. Uncomfortable grown up jokes, and one of the creepiest scenes of the whole gang recreating a scene of singing “Meet the Flinstones” to cheer up a cranky child. If you decide to delve into this madness you will never forget it and it will haunt your subconscious for days to come.

Dave Coulier is awful. Kanye and Dave should have a wrestling match. Winner gets to relocate with the Kardashian’s to the Arctic. Loser has to relocate with Alanis Morrisette to Antarctica. Either way Dave Coulier is screwed.

Have you ever been to a hotel before that is too hip for you? This happened to me in Paris. Everything was controlled by a tablet, and the check in was a self-check in. If the IKEA store turned into a person and created a hotel this is what it would create.

When you are in an airport for an extremely long time you begin to have arch-nemesis’ while there. Two ladies felt the wrath of my imagination after sneaking their way to the front of the line with their extremely excessive back packs.

How do we genetically make rabbits that enjoy cuddling? Is there a pill that we can give them? Maybe it’s a mix of MDMA and Heroin? Who is on this experiment? Sounds like money well spent.

John Scott is a man. He has all of the appearances of a full grown man. If you were to put him side by side beside me there is no way that people would think that I was older. I am 10 years older than this man. If we each got one punch. I am pretty sure that I would break my hand. I would also be concerned that I would be in the hospital for multiple days after receiving his punch.

Sometimes I hate alga-rhythms. After searching for Buffalo hotels to stay in after seeing Kurt Vile, I am then reminded multiple times that I am going to Buffalo.

Camels are not comfortable. Straddling a giant creature that is constantly itchy is slightly terrifying.

Top 3 ways to make people uncomfortable while they are throwing a house party.

3 – Start rummaging through their cupboards. Finding odd things and putting them on the counter. Premium Plus crackers check, Tylenol check, chocolate chip cookie mix check. Then just leave them on the counter and leave the room.

2 – Suggest doing shots at two in the afternoon.

1 – Start doing chores around their house for no reason. People get really upset if they think you think that their house is dirty.

Top 5 Albums of 2015

As you know I do this every year.  No greatest hits, and no soundtracks.

Enjoy!

5.    Lower Dens – Escape from Evil

Originally I had Father John Misty slotted in this spot.  The more and more I thought about it though, I came to realize that the Lower Dens is a permanent staple in my playlist and deserves to be mentioned in the top 5 this year.  One thing that really stands out in this album is the distinct voice of Jana Hunter.  It’s a delivery that plays so well with the mood of the album.  There are tiny bits of multiple genres of music played here.  Sprinkle of Caribou, dash of New Order, and a tiny bit of XX.  The album really shines with it’s ability to balance the guitar work with the tone that the album is really trying to show off.   By far the top point of the record is To Die in LA.  The keyboard gives it a feel of a ’80s John Hughes movie, but the rest of the song feels like it’s the transition from 80’s to 90’s.   Escape from Evil is a solid play from top to bottom.  It’s mixed well, and the instruments flow together seamlessly.  It’s an unexpected pick for my top 5, but my iPod doesn’t lie.

 

4. Tame Impala – Currents

What can you say about this band that hasn’t already been said.  They are able to change styles throughout each album without missing a beat.  They still have a bit of their psychedelia in this album, but have really raised the bar when it comes to synths and keyboards.  Tame Impala have grown up.  The filler on each song isn’t just a band-aid for the song.  It’s a well thought out sound that mixes beautifully with each tune.  Kevin Parker has also raised the bar for his vocals.  Not only using his soft voice for feel, he now uses it as an instrument to in each song.  He is able to change tones to match the identity of the song.  There is only one tiny draw back to the complete change of style.  The drums have been practically removed.  Mind Mischief off of Lonerism has one of the best starts of a single in recent memory.  There are points of this album that I miss that sound.  Currents is not only a beautifully sounding album; it gives you a certain feeling.  You can’t put your finger on it, but the songs are calculated perfectly and the talent of this band really shows up on this record.

 

3 – Jose Gonzalez – Vestiges and Claws

I try not to be bias when I write my top 5.  It’s very difficult to do this when your favourite artist constantly puts out masterpieces regardless if he is solo or with Junip.  Classic guitar style with maybe the best voice in the business.   There is having high-hopes for an album then there is what I had for this record.  Jose is a magician on the acoustic, and the weird thing about it – he makes it look so easy.  Like he just sat down on his couch and came up with a song in 10 minutes.  If you enjoy acoustic of any sort and haven’t really had a listen to his catalog of music.  Give yourself a full day to be submersed into his world.  Every single thing about the album gives me chills.  Whether it be the smoothness of each note, to his outstanding ability to lull you into a dream without actually putting you to sleep.  The only reason why this isn’t number one is because it’s an extension off of his previous solo stuff.  It’s gorgeous and will make you feel fantastic.

 

Sufjan Stevens – Carrie and Lowell

Welcome back Sufjan.  You ventured off in a different direction.  I applaud you for broadening your horizons, but we really need you back.  The Age of Adz was a good album, it wasn’t exactly my cup of tea, but I understood why people enjoyed it.  Stevens has a magical way of making his music sound like everything that you would want an orchestra to be.  Using instruments that would be odd for others, but for him is just another way to process what’s going on in his head.  It’s difficult to describe to other people what Sufjan sounds like.  You either get it or you don’t.  Throw on Illinoise for details.  Carrie and Lowell is a striped down back to earth album.  It’s using everything that works without going to far off of the tracks.  Stevens voice is absolutely gorgeous throughout this album.  Pausing and expressing tones at perfect times within the record.  After listening to Carrie and Lowell I expect to feel sad, but it’s actually the complete opposite.  Beautiful album that cannot be rushed through.

 

  1.  Kurt Vile – B’lieve I’m Goin Down

You ever sit down and start to just think of lyrics without actually jotting them down?  They sound absolutely perfect in your head.  You have a sound that you want the guitar to make that would sound wonderful with what you just wrote, but then you actually begin to play, and you can’t make it work.  Kurt Vile made it work.  This album is a masterpiece.  It’s a story that was written without a pause or a second thought.  Like a slice of your life that was cut out and somebody made a soundtrack to it.  His guitar work is perfect.  Vile has always been great at creating a mood for his music, but there are times when he can be a bit to dark.  This album is a weight on your subconscious.  It’s not something that you can just throw on in the background at a party.  It needs your full attention from top to bottom. Have a listen to “That’s Life Tho,”  It’s the best song of the year, and this the best album of the year hands down.

 

Liquid metal did it all for the Nookie

Volkswagon! Why? “Also the airbags don’t work. Didn’t think anyone would notice that either.”

Kurt Vile has made a wonderful new record – b’lieve I am goin down. Guitar work is immaculate, and the tone of the whole album in general is just a thing of beauty. 8.9/10

I like being experimental with food. Except for with chips. You are the worst if you are hosting an event and everybody is enjoying the evening and you go to grab snacks and this is said right after. “I haven’t tried these before, but they look great. Avocado barbeque chips anyone?” I know some of you think that sounds good. Well, it kind of does, but please have dill pickle on file just in case.

Me, Earl, and the Dying Girl – 8.4/10

Perfectly shot and fantastically written. Tough story line, but really well done. I recommend this to everyone, including you Dhooma. If it has more than 3 paragraphs of dialogue and no robots Dhooma is out.

Fantasy Football is a roller coaster of emotion. You believe your team is solid. Davante Adams is going to break out this year. 2 weeks later. “Davante Adams is sh**!”

In recent studies it has shown that Toronto is the worst city in North America to drive in. Great night tonight. Paid $200.00 for each Leaf ticket, was stuck in traffic for 2 hours. Paid $40.00 for parking, and the Leafs lost 5-0. And we are just now figuring out that this isn’t a fantastic evening for the whole family.

At one point in my life I was playing the Sims and made the Sims all my current friend’s names. I would walk around town and talk to them and see what they were up to. It was entertaining to see what they were doing, and see how closely they resembled my actual friends. I then realized that I could actually really do this if I wanted to, and stopped playing the game.

There was always that one kid at the pool that attempted to do crazy stunts off of the diving board. You knew one of these times he was going to really hurt someone or himself, but somehow it never happened. Wonder what he is doing now?

Everyone always feels uncomfortable around police officers. Even if we aren’t doing anything wrong. We just assume that they are like the Terminator from T2. They are going to look right at us, understand that there was a point that we did glance at our phone while driving; morph from liquid metal into a motorcycle and come after us.

There should be support groups for bad music that we have purchased when we were younger. Sit around in a circle and talk about it. “How did you feel the first time that you heard Nookie? Did you feel like you did it all for that?”

Halloween is coming up. I do enjoy dressing up. I always get put into costumes that are extremely uncomfortable, and have to grow a moustache for. Actually I think this is my own doing. I just look so damn attractive with that beautiful area of hair above my upper lip.

There are three times in my life that I have agreed to things that I wouldn’t have normally agreed to; because I didn’t hear what they said and was just trying to be polite.

You would think that I would follow this up with my top 3, but the Jays game is starting.  D Smith out!

Moustaches and the Price to Pay for the Morphine Addiction that Follows

Going to Blue Jays game number 7 today. Dickey is once again on the mound. I always try to buy tickets to slow paced knuckleballers so I can consume the most beer possible throughout the day.

Movati gym is gorgeous. Going at 5am is a very unique experience. You sit in a hot tub with 70 year old men and discuss politics. Stanley made a great joke about Stephen Harper’s lack of personality, we chuckled – it was a good day.

The Tea Party came to town to play The Edges of Twilight from start to finish. It was a great show. He still looks like Jim Morrison. For some reason they didn’t offer the vinyl copy of the album. Who buys CD’s? I prefer something that requires a lot of work to listen to please. Makes you work for the experience. I like to hand-wash my clothes as well.

Kurt Vile has a new record coming out at the end of this month. If you have listened to me ooze about his last album you will know that I am just downright giddy for the follow up.

Walk in the Woods – 3.4/10
Get Hard – 4.6/10
Straight Outta of Compton – 8.7/10

If you would like to see what a heart attack would look like if it was a person watch Nick Nolte in Walk in the Woods. Robert Redford reminds me of that friend that always says that he would be good at stand up, and in the back of your mind you think to yourself – you would be awful.

Work sent me to Vegas. I am also being sent to Orlando in October. I know it’s tough, but somebody has to go to these places.

After eating at Boston Pizza does anybody receive the bill and think to themselves “That was a great $70.00 spent?” I always feel like Zoodles and two room temperature Bud Lite’s would be about 76% as good as what I just ate here.

Never liked the teachers that wrote their name with such authority on the black board the first time that I met them. Every single student thinks you are going to be a dick if you do this.

It’s a very strange existence for the generation that grew up in the ‘90s have. We are right in between the age of hard work and the age of innovation. We think everybody that is younger is lazy, and think everybody that is older are dinosaurs and won’t accept technology. But mostly we just get offended by everything, and are sad that we got degrees in subjects that there are no jobs in.

Moustaches quickly vanished. There was a time a couple of years ago that 7% of the male population rocked a moustache. This style was traded in for a razor. They didn’t shave the moustache though. They decided to shave part of their head, and comb the rest of their hair over it. This style died out in 2018. Here we see….

I think that started as a comment on moustaches and became being walked around the museum of style by a guide?

Sara and I booked trips to Paris. There was a mistake fare of course. We haven’t decided where we are going to go when we get to Paris though. Maybe Belgium, Hungary, or Morocco? Maybe Bed, Bath, and Beyond. Just not sure if we will have time though.

We all pretend that we are really into live music when it’s a surprise at a pub. We are like “oh yeah a band.” We are into it for a couple of songs, and then realize that it’s impossible to talk over the band playing Summer of ’69. But we still pretend to enjoy ourselves yelling into the ear of the person directly beside you.

I know blogs have been scarce recently. I am trying to get back on the band wagon. My morphine addiction has taken hold and I should be able to write more now.