Kraft Dinner and the reasons Gwyneth Paltrow loves it.

“Am I right, or am I right?” is the worst thing that you have to respond to after something that was offensive was said. Any response that you give is going to be terrible. I usually pretend that I didn’t hear them correctly and say a soft “what?” Then depending on the person they will either repeat the awful thing louder, or they will realize that they are an idiot.

Golf in the early morning is the most difficult time to judge whether its shorts weather or pants weather. These are the things that you have to worry about as a retired man.

Unfortunately we are going to see a crisis in the craft beer market. There are too many breweries being opened up for the amount of population that we have in Southern Ontario. The increase of sales will not continue at quite this pace forever. This could be a tough market in about 5 years.

There is a gentlemen in downtown Kitchener that has a shopping cart. He likes to put cardboard signs with things written on it all around the shopping cart. These things don’t make any sense to me. There is something written about “Dogter MacTavish and Tom Thumb.” Sara and I would like to know what any of these things mean, but it might be a conversation that can never be unheard again.

The Stanley Cup Finals begun last night. Everybody put up their hands that think Jonathan Toews is the best leader in the NHL over the past 25 years.

This past Game of Thrones episode was the epitome of a show flexing its muscles. “Oh, you think I’ve been going along a little too slowly. Take a good look brother. And let the throne run all over you.” My mouth was wide open for nearly the whole hour.

I think I told somebody recently that I missed the show Gossip Girl. Things that should not be repeated by anybody. Unless you are from the upper east side of course.

You have to be an extremely cheap person if you watch a cam version of Mad Max. You are the same person that probably watched the snowed version of The Movie Network on Friday nights at about midnight 20 years ago.

Every time that I see a snow queen type role in any Disney movie; I always think that the role would be perfect for Gwyneth Paltrow. Currently at an 87% clip of seeing her on TV I mutter “she sucks.”

Pasta with red tomato sauce is the beginners cooking recipe. There are people that even screw this up. They might even get the one that has garlic in there if they are feeling adventurous.

Mosh pits are frightening to me. Being pushed around a circle seems to have very little enjoyment. I think I am more in the getting in the middle of a circle and busting out the cookie bake-off type crew.

Once again I witnessed the bat flip from a player when his team was down 6-0 and he made it 6-2. Junior Lake of all guys flipped his bat like he was Albert Pujols. You should get one chance to throw at his crotch with a fastball in his next at bat. He has to stand directly facing the pitcher with his hands behind his head.

Watched a news story about a bus driver that was about to be fired for making a child get off of the bus after causing some problems. Another student had filmed the bus driver forcing the child off of the bus. Parents were calling for his dismissal, furious at him for being so awful. The bus driver had installed a camera at the front of the bus the day before to show the type of abuse that he takes. He took multiple shots off of the side of the head of the kids back pack. After seeing this video the school and parents backed down from their call for firing. The fact that the bus driver had to put a camera up to protect himself from prosecution is pathetic. Another instance of calling for blood before knowing both sides of the story.

There was nothing more frightening for a non-athletic person to monkey hit a ball in front of the class. The boo-birds would come out fast and furious if you missed the tennis ball more than twice in a row. Pressure would mount. The third one better be cranked to the outfield. After 5 terrible at bats you were done.

Kraft Dinner was on sale for $0.65 recently. You have many emotions when you see this price for Kraft Dinner. Fear that you will eat it every day for lunch over the next week. Sadness that you might not buy enough boxes and will have to pay regular price. And then regret after eating it in your boxers on a sunny Wednesday morning.

Advertisements

Jurassic Park and it’s involvement in butterfly style goaltending

Mad Max – 9.4/10
This was one of the best action movies that I have ever seen. It was a visually stunning masterpiece of chaos. Tom Hardy and Charlize Theron are perfect in their roles. This movie is the reason that gigantic theatres were built.

Everybody has always had that neighbor in their apartment building that has the stomp walk. Why can’t you walk quietly? It’s just one foot in front of the other. Nope that’s a march. You don’t need to get to the kitchen one second earlier. Take it easy.

Food Truck events are huge in KW now. We went to one yesterday and it was a 20 min wait for lemonade. It reminded me of the Revenge of the Nerds scene with the whipped cream over the topless picture of Stan’s girlfriend. Why is everybody waiting 20 min for lemonade?

Mike Babcock has finally signed. He signed with Toronto. I hate it when the Leafs make good moves.

Everybody always has that person in their group of friends that would be willing to get into a garbage can and be rolled down a hill. Nothing good was going to come of this and everybody knew it. He knew his role. It was to get laughs regardless of physical ailment. We salute you.

While watching a NFL game I am generally the most entertained when a kick is blocked and the punter gets drilled by a defensive lineman. I lean up on the couch like a giddy 12 year old during a Call of Duty session to watch the replay over and over again.

Who has time to make all natural orange juice? Squeezing out 3 or 4 oranges seems like a lot of unnecessary work.

A rare thing happened at the Jays game yesterday. There were 45,000 fans at a sporting event that all had terrible musical taste. They have the shitty hat to prove it.

The people that are pushing shopping carts of grocery stores to their houses have zero shame. Every single person that is driving by them thinks the same thing. What a di**. Now, if you push the cart back. You are a hero.

I can understand why pets respond to the vacuum the way that they do. It’s a very unsettling noise. Do you think dogs will ever evolve where they can laugh?

Bloodline is a new show I started watching. It’s about a very well off and loving family that has an always getting into trouble brother that comes back to town to help with the family business. The first episode was excellent. It’s on Netflix.

Anime North was this past weekend. This is one of the few conventions that I really don’t understand anything that is happening. The only other time I feel this way is strolling around Tokyo. It’s all very pretty, but I don’t know what’s going on.

Sara and I went to see Spamalot on the weekend. It was excellent. I am a huge fan of Monty Python, and they did every gag from the Holy Grail that I wanted them to do. The sets were excellent, and the actors were outstanding. Cambridge does have a little bit of culture to it. That is until everybody started to honk their horns and head to Tim Hortons after.

There are so many breweries opening up in Southern Ontario. If you want a feel for just how many; start following a few on Twitter. It’s insane!

Mike Wilner from the Fan 590 is coming to Waterloo to the Starlight with a few more guys that know ball to discuss all things baseball. It’s called Pitch. It looks fantastic, and I will be there.

http://www.pitchtalksbaseball.com/

They now have a guy that has a French accent that works at my pharmacy. I always think he’s trying to fool me into taking the wrong medication for some reason now. He just sounds so sneaky.

Sometimes I wonder how those shady convenience stores stay open. You know the ones. They have the knock off Yankees hat that is either pink or has glitter all over it. Does anybody actually buy these items?

How did goalies not figure out that the stand-up style of goaltending wasn’t the most efficient way? “So if I stand up it takes up this much of the net, but if I go down into the butterfly it takes up this much.” Have you watched how many goals go in along the ice in the ‘80s?

Making a real Jurassic Park seems like a terrible move. I really don’t think humans and dinosaurs were supposed to live together. Even if they didn’t eat meat, you would have to worry about this hoser stepping on your car or wrecking stuff in the neighborhood.

Handbags and the need for Spamalot to star Tom Cruise

I have not watched Mad Max yet. All I know is that the reviews are through the roof on it. I am willing to admit that I thought it looked terrible in the previews. I have only been fooled one other time in the history of my career of movie watching. That was on Guardians of the Galaxy. We all know how that turned out.

Mad Men is over. I thought it ended brilliantly. Terrific show like nothing else on TV right at the moment. Mad Men was all about character building through realistic story-telling. It’s one of the few shows that doesn’t go into the dramatic soap opera type stories to get ratings. See every CW show for details. Farewell to Don Draper and the glorious characters. It was a good run.

Game of Thrones is taking quite a bit of heat for this past episode (I won’t spoil it.) If you realistically can’t believe that this would happen than maybe you have been desensitized to everything else that happens within this show. Constant death and torture. There are no rules when it comes to Martin’s books or the TV show. Have you not figured this out yet?

The fire John Gibbons rants have started. If you watch baseball and believe that every time that the Blue Jays step on the field and are not at a disadvantage; I would like to challenge you to a duel. You give me who you believe is the worst manager in baseball, and I will bet you they would have a better record at the end of the year than the John Gibbons managed team. Former Listowel Legionnaires managers are also included in this.

Going Clear Scientology and the Prison of Belief – 9.3/10

This is a maddening and sometimes hilarious documentary on the outrageous belief in Scientology. If the only reason that you watch it is because of your hatred for Tom Cruise you will not be disappointed.

Have you ever watched what a pitchers arm does in slow-motion, when a pitcher uncorks a 95MPH fastball? It’s actually a bit disgusting. You can understand all of the Tommy John going on.

Top 3 stories that I have heard about hiking recently that makes me wonder about people.

1. A kid from Arizona was beginning his hike on the PCT (This is a 2650 mile journey) had to be airlifted out 12 hours into the hike. He was starting to feel dehydrated and was almost running out of water. He couldn’t find any water and didn’t pack enough.
2. 22 year old man was killed by a bear in NJ while trying to take a selfie with it approaching him.
3. I was walking through Rattlesnake Point and witnessed a woman with a man trying to do the hike in high heels. She must have thought she was at the Cannes Film Festival.

To the people that write graffiti on the walls of bathroom stalls. We are not paying attention anymore. We have our phones. You can stop it.

Has anybody seen Spamalot? Sara and I are thinking about going this week. I love everything to do with Monty Python, but balk at musicals.

The most dangerous place I have been recently is on the next hole over at River Edge Golf Course when 4 guys were teeing off with out of control swings that created a wicked slice off of an elevated tee block. They had the get around a big belly swing.

I think when parents say to their child. “Are you pleased with yourself” in a certain tone; 50% of the time the child is pleased with themselves, but will not say it due to the fact that they might receive further punishment.

Handbags? What is the deal? What do I not understand about them? How could they possibly cost $500? Why can’t you use a $25.00 handbag to carry whatever you carry in them? These are questions to the women or men that love handbags.

Silicon Valley is back. They created a character I believe you get to meet in episode 3 of the second season that is brilliant. You will know instantly who I am talking about once you meet them.

I am not a huge fan of CGI. Especially if the scene can be made without using it. I feel like this is how the world is now. If we can find something easier and cheaper than the real thing than let’s do that. Food is probably the biggest culprit.

Nascar had another near death from their drivers. You know that any professional sports that have concussion issues are fine until they decide to ban this sport.

You never really understand those laundry commercials that have people smelling their clothing until you actually use one of those detergents. Yes, my apartment does smell like a spring day with golden haired girl that looks like she is from the ‘50s running around my backyard trying to catch the golden lab with a tennis ball in it’s mouth.