Movies

Precise Gymnastics with Wil Wheaton at an Electric Six concert

Posted on by Hosehead

Whoever makes the Girl Guide Cookies made a big mistake by changing the recipe. We all taste the difference, and are disappointed with the end result. I will still buy them, but I am no longer going to buy the 6 boxes at once.

We were able to go trick or treating around the office at Halloween time. People had candy out on their desk to be able to scoop up. We made the calculated decision to go at lunch hour so that we wouldn’t have to see that “maybe you shouldn’t take that extra one; because everybody needs a chance to get one” look on their face when they weren’t there.

Electric Six are coming to town again. This is one of the best bands to see live. Energy, fantastic riffs, and the fact that only about 20 people are in the crowd are all excellent reasons to see them.

I once went as MC Hammer to a bar in my home town for Halloween. I remember very little about this evening, but I do remember that most people thought I was Aladdin. Until Can’t Touch This came on. The crowd went into a frenzy as I shuffled across the floor with extreme precision. It is still talked about to this day by the locals.

Anybody else have an uneasy feeling while walking on train tracks? And it’s only because of Stand by Me that I have these feelings. And the fact that Wil Wheaton is everywhere makes me always think of this.

Yesterday, part of the family won an experience put on by Xbox Canada. It was a real life Lara Croft: Tomb Raider experience on a farm in Uxbridge. We competed against other teams in events like Axe Throwing, Rock Climbing, and Arrow Shooting. It was a fantastic event, and an extremely tough workout. And if you guessed that I am amazing at axe throwing you would be guessing right. If you guessed that I would be great at arrow shooting. Well…

I have only ate too many marsh-mellows once. It was once too many. There are certain things that you throw-up that make it look like you should go to the hospital. Marsh-mellows are one of those items. So is clamato juice.

Keith Urban stated recently that he wished he would have wrote the song “Pretty Pimpin” by Kurt Vile. Respect level has risen to 3 out of 100 for Keith Urban.

Black Sabbath is on tour. I remember seeing them when I was in college 15-20 years ago. They were fu**ing old then.

One of the groups that were part of the Xbox event was a band. They were all dressed in leather jackets with the band’s name on the back of their jackets. Each band member had the exact same haircut of the shaved underneath, grown over look while wearing shades in the pouring rain. I saw one band member reading a book. It was called: The Douchebag guide to all things douchey.

The Gift – 7.7/10
End of the Tour – 8.2/10

The Gift is a decent thriller with a few twists and turns about a man having his past coming back to haunt him.

The End of the Tour is a Rolling Stone story that never saw the light of day. Based on an interview done with a well-known author who committed suicide.

I am off to Palm Springs, California for work tomorrow. I hope it snows here.

We all had that person that called you buy your brother’s name. Mine was my gym teacher. The unfortunate part was that my brother was a better athlete then I was. I overheard some of his comments. “Why can’t Smith dribble? When did he get so bad at floor hockey? I don’t remember him being so graceful in gymnastics.”

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Joe Buck and his wonderful day in upstate New York with Alcides Escobar

Posted on by Hosehead

The Jays are out. It was a heartbreaking defeat. They were beat by the better team. Unfortunately in playoff baseball you can’t live and die by the long ball. And that’s exactly what they tried to do. Situational hitting is a must at this level. Jose Bautista tried to will the team to victory with home run after home run in big spots. This team would be long gone if it wasn’t for his efforts.

Top 3 things Fox announcers are doing after the Royals put out the Jays.

1. Joe Buck is going for a nice evening with Alcides Escobar in the wine region of New York. They will reminisce on his brilliant over-reactions to seeing-eye singles while riding side by side on horseback. It will just be a superb day.
2. Harold Reynolds will go back to staring at the wall until the next game starts.
3. Fox has announced that each fan in the outfield must grow an Amish beard as a salute to a great American hero.

It’s amusing to look at all the Facebook posts after the election took place. Every PC backer talks about money, and, well, that’s it. Every NDP backer says, well at least it’s not Harper. And the rest of the world is talking about how gorgeous Justin is.

There was never really a time that I enjoyed going to gym class less then when we had to learn how to line dance. There were 2 – 1 hour sessions of my life that I will never get back. And that fact that I know how to line dance a bit is a feeling I will have to live with the rest of my life.

Pizza Pops did quite of damage to me as a child. There was nothing you could do once that pizza goo was in your mouth and it was 300 degrees Celsius. You were done. You tried to create saliva as fast as possible, but you ended up just getting burning hot pizza goo onto your chin. Thinking back now – why didn’t I use a knife and fork?

All the years of golf that I have played, and I have never bagged myself trying to hit a golf ball in between two trees.

I was a goaltender in hockey when I was growing up. That’s all, I thought I would just bring that up. Oh, and I was bagged a lot then.

Why weren’t clear braces made up until a decade ago? It was bad enough that I had to wear pieces of metal in my mouth, but did you have to make it look like my mouth was part of a Terminator movie?

When you looked in somebody’s fridge growing up there was always two jugs of things that looked like orange juice. One was Tang and one was actually orange juice. I never thought to open it up to smell it; so I always just picked the one that had the most unnatural orange colour. I think that I ran a 98% mark of getting Tang. After thinking about this now, that wasn’t all that impressive.

One of these days I would like to complain about the rain; because I just had the car washed.

Liquid metal did it all for the Nookie

Posted on by Hosehead

Volkswagon! Why? “Also the airbags don’t work. Didn’t think anyone would notice that either.”

Kurt Vile has made a wonderful new record – b’lieve I am goin down. Guitar work is immaculate, and the tone of the whole album in general is just a thing of beauty. 8.9/10

I like being experimental with food. Except for with chips. You are the worst if you are hosting an event and everybody is enjoying the evening and you go to grab snacks and this is said right after. “I haven’t tried these before, but they look great. Avocado barbeque chips anyone?” I know some of you think that sounds good. Well, it kind of does, but please have dill pickle on file just in case.

Me, Earl, and the Dying Girl – 8.4/10

Perfectly shot and fantastically written. Tough story line, but really well done. I recommend this to everyone, including you Dhooma. If it has more than 3 paragraphs of dialogue and no robots Dhooma is out.

Fantasy Football is a roller coaster of emotion. You believe your team is solid. Davante Adams is going to break out this year. 2 weeks later. “Davante Adams is sh**!”

In recent studies it has shown that Toronto is the worst city in North America to drive in. Great night tonight. Paid $200.00 for each Leaf ticket, was stuck in traffic for 2 hours. Paid $40.00 for parking, and the Leafs lost 5-0. And we are just now figuring out that this isn’t a fantastic evening for the whole family.

At one point in my life I was playing the Sims and made the Sims all my current friend’s names. I would walk around town and talk to them and see what they were up to. It was entertaining to see what they were doing, and see how closely they resembled my actual friends. I then realized that I could actually really do this if I wanted to, and stopped playing the game.

There was always that one kid at the pool that attempted to do crazy stunts off of the diving board. You knew one of these times he was going to really hurt someone or himself, but somehow it never happened. Wonder what he is doing now?

Everyone always feels uncomfortable around police officers. Even if we aren’t doing anything wrong. We just assume that they are like the Terminator from T2. They are going to look right at us, understand that there was a point that we did glance at our phone while driving; morph from liquid metal into a motorcycle and come after us.

There should be support groups for bad music that we have purchased when we were younger. Sit around in a circle and talk about it. “How did you feel the first time that you heard Nookie? Did you feel like you did it all for that?”

Halloween is coming up. I do enjoy dressing up. I always get put into costumes that are extremely uncomfortable, and have to grow a moustache for. Actually I think this is my own doing. I just look so damn attractive with that beautiful area of hair above my upper lip.

There are three times in my life that I have agreed to things that I wouldn’t have normally agreed to; because I didn’t hear what they said and was just trying to be polite.

You would think that I would follow this up with my top 3, but the Jays game is starting.  D Smith out!

Facebook – The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Posted on by Hosehead

Social Media can have such a positive effect on things when we allow it. We find out about injustices that are occurring all around the world. Put focus on things that require it. Bill Cosby has first-hand witnessed the wrath that social media can cause. There is absolutely no question that what he had done would have finally come out, but to watch it railroad him so quickly was a thing of beauty. Social media doesn’t care how much money you have. Once facts are leaked online – you can no longer just throw money at it to go away. If it’s online, you will never be able to rid yourself of it.

You are seeing a very similar thing happen to Stephen Harper. Very few people believe that he has done a good job with this country. Even the majority of people that are voting Conservative believe that he isn’t a great choice, but is the best of the bunch. But wait, what are we seeing now? News of the Mike Duffy trial is everywhere. Harper’s knowledge of what happened seems to be evident. Social Media is gaining steam, and once again it looks as though that this will cause a major shift in who gets voted into Parliament.

This is the good of social media. What’s the bad? Well, just like the news, people seem to be drawn to disasters and stories that scream out negativity. Believing that the world is an awful place. “We have to protect the children, the children.” Nearly every single statistic has overall violence down. Whether this includes murders, abuse, or hate crimes. We have become a much more civilized society overall. Now we will always have countries that are behind the times. There is only one person in the world that you can control, and that is yourself.

Unfortunately we still believe that the world is a place that is full of hatred, and we fill it with our social media feeds. Whether its religion, sexual orientation, or ethnic diversity – our society is a much more accepting place to live. We have come a long way. I still see hyper-sensitivity everywhere though. Overreaction towards news stories. People afraid of their own shadows. It’s tiresome going through Facebook news streams. I have such a hard-time disconnecting though. Even when I travel; I get back and I think that I must have missed some major news story, and realize nothing has happened.

We fill our feeds with types of dogs that shouldn’t be banned, we must fight for the pitbulls. Ways to lose weight, somebody is upset with the way their sandwich was made at Tim Horton’s. People at McDonald’s making $15.00 an hour. Meme’s about how stupid people make them so angry. (meme’s are out control by the way) I am such a hypocrite here as well. There are times that I post up things that make me upset. I actually have a whole blog about it. One thing that I attempt to do is to even things out. Writing things that are positive or things that I find funny. Social media is draining. You know that person that you are having a beer with that is constantly complaining about something going on in their life. That is Facebook.

So why do we read it? I don’t know. There are a handful of people that I get a kick out of. They know who they are. But most times I go through the feeds, and feel nothing. I have gained nothing, and now I feel a little bit angry. The best of social media is seeing people reviewing movies or music. Or maybe notifying me of an upcoming event that I didn’t know about. Instead we get cries for attention or help to support something that really doesn’t matter. (You have seen those pictures of “share if you remember this – it’s a picture of a Nintendo?”) Wouldn’t it be great if you could customize your feed to distinguish between things that are actually useful to you versus things that are useless? Maybe this could be the next Apple invention? Something that takes a copy of your brains interests, plugs it into the USB port, and only shows you things that you find amusing or have interest in? Actually that sounds very dangerous, and very similar to a thrown away Matrix script.

Will this cause me to storm off, and threaten to pull myself away from Facebook – then crawl back weeks later? No, my addiction runs deep, and I understand that. I have given up video games just to add something nearly as useless to my repertoire. Words of advice to myself is constantly. Stop being offended by everything, and post stuff that I would want to read myself. That’s my simple rule of thumb for a Facebook-oxy-oin junkie.

Hacksaw Jim Duggan and his Service Ontario Story

Posted on by Hosehead

I have started a new job, it is a completely different life working from a desk and not having to deal with the general public. Also 9-5, Monday-Friday isn’t bad (hands behind head, feet up, basking in sun.)

If you would like to have a mixture of transportation back to the 90’s and shockwaves of remembrance of the movie American Pie – go to see Treble Charger play. It was like being in a mediocre time-machine.

If you have not gone to see the beer exhibit at the Museum on Homer Watson in Kitchener and are a fan of beer do it. Do it now. Halfway through the exhibit your mouth starts to water, and your car cannot drive fast enough to a local brewery. They give you a fantastic background of the history of beer in the tri-city area. I started drinking OV again and grew a ‘80s mustache within 26 seconds.

Sara and I have decided that we will not rub any contest wins in people’s faces on Facebook. I won $500.00 last week for tweeting about my favourite small business. Blogs were not included in this agreement.

We were gracious recipients of free Tragically Hip tickets from a couple of great people for their Monday show at the Aud. It was nearly a perfect Hip concert for me. Played everything from about ’97 and before. Gord Downey is a very strange man. There isn’t a drug that makes people dance quite like that.

I want to be involved in one of those strange car chases from the late ‘70s. You know the ones with the giant boats flying around corners, fish tailing, with no one ever really catching up to the other person. Well it looks like they are catching up, but the next scene they are still the same distance behind.

There are very few jobs that you couldn’t tell people about. And wouldn’t know if you were proud or not proud to be in. Porn star is one of them.

We are thinking about joining a gym. What’s important to me about a gym? That they have a TV at the treadmill that plays sports or science fiction with closed captioning. That is all. Oh, and no grunting please.

The Missing is a brilliant British TV show about a child that gets abducted from a very public area, and the father is trying to piece together the case years later. Everything is excellent in this show. Give it a watch. 8.8/10

With certain people’s opinions about shows you should be able to stop them before they even begin to speak. Or something shocks their brain when they begin to give their opinion if they have watched every one of the Transformers or Twilight movies.

In the ‘80s the true American Hero was a dude that carried a two-by four of wood that had either had brain damage or had an extremely low IQ. He used to wave his two-by-four yelling “ohhhhhh.” This was who we identified America with. Happy 4th of July to our neighbors from the south.

hacksaw-jim-duggan

Many people have told me that they didn’t celebrate Canada Day because of the bills that have been passed recently. I don’t celebrate Canada Day because of our Government. I celebrate it because of the people that live within the country. That, and I like to eat and drink.

The most dangerous time to talk to a person and asking for a response, is when they have mouthwash in their mouth. Drink it, bad. Spit it out, bad. Allow a small amount to go down your chin, bad.

There is not an area in the city of Kitchener on Saturday morning that have people standing in line that look angrier than the Service Ontario line. These people are on the edge of a freak out episode. This is the main reason driver’s license pictures always look like prison pictures.

Top 3 nerve racking moments behind the wheel of a car that aren’t actually that dangerous of a situation, but we slow down anyways.

1. Plastic bag flopping through the air towards you like a bat out of hell
2. People in the next lane driving the exact same speed as you
3. Person off the side of the road with their four ways on urinating

Don’t ever use the words “hungry” for a joke if the person is from the country Hungary. It will never work. And you will look like a foolish man or woman with beef noodle soup running down your face.