Ghostbusters All-Dog Cast

There is something about going through a food lineup with a rectangular designed dinner plate that makes you feel like you did something wrong.

One of my unknown talents is that I can swallow about 6 pills at once. This talent is only useful as a 75 year old man or at an Armin Van Buren show.

I picked up dry cleaning like an adult yesterday. “Yes, yes, I am very important. Give me that suit. Business stuff going on. Did you get that chocolate stain out? I was eating a drumstick at an undesirable temperature.”

Adventure’s Guild in Kitchener is fantastic. Nearly every board game that I have ever heard of is available. Learning how to play a new board game when nobody in the group has ever played it before is always the same. You look around the group hoping somebody that is nodding that they actually understand the rules is just lying, and is secretly just as slow as you are.

Watched Little Shop of Horrors in St. Jacobs this past Thursday. It was incredible. Especially the sets. The dinner that was included was at the Stone Crock in St. Jacobs. Not incredible. It felt like I was eating food after I was awoken from the Matrix. Is there supposed to be flavor? They almost blew our minds when they attempted to serve us coffee at the beginning of the meal. It was all very confusing.

While waiting at red lights I watch Pedestrians as they cross the street to see if any of them stumble a little just to watch their reaction. They either play it cool, and act like nothing happened, or they go back to the part of the road that was the culprit, kick it to the point of satisfaction that nobody else will ever trip on it again. Either way – we in the cars know, and we enjoyed watching it happen.

I believe in some things that hippy-ish. Like, leaving a smaller footprint. Trying to use less resources. Living a simple life. Until, the mention of not even needing doctors. You can heal everything naturally. Yup, you had me until you mentioned Aliens Scientologists.

**Before people become offended and begin to write things on my Facebook defending Mother Nature’s cures for all. Know that this is a comedy blog, and I have discussed Hamburger Helper becoming a person, and using ketchup as a weapon**

Sara and I know for a fact that all plants are killable. “Sun and water? What about just air?”

Did you know lip chap only has that tingly feeling on your lips to make you think that it’s working? It does nothing for you. What’s next, Tang isn’t oranges just made into powder?
In I want to throw my brain off of a bridge because the TV is so bad news. 11 shows from the CW have been renewed.

Don’t know if anybody was keeping track, but I was 3 for 4 on my Oscar picks that were posted. I always feel like after I say anything like this that a child with snot running down his nose is going to put his hand up.

Ghostbusters 2 has an all-female cast. Put up your hands if you don’t care that it’s all-female. Keep your hands up if you know that they are going to remake these movies over and over again with males and females. Again keep your hands up if you could care less if it was an all-dog cast, and their barks were lasers that captured the ghosts into their mouths and they said “nummy” in a comedic way after they finished devouring the ghost.

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Adapting to the New Age of Interaction

We are in the era of frauds and glossiness. You can create any type of social media personality that you like. People don’t know what’s real. If you only want to show one side of yourself you can do that. I think that it’s only going to get worse. When all you can see is how successful people are; or all of the cool things that they are doing. It makes you feel terrible about yourself. So when you feel awful about yourself you prefer not to have people see that side so you post fantastic things that you are doing. And the cycle goes on and on.

One thing that is certain is that nobody is as extraordinary or interesting as they appear to be on social media. If this was the case then I would constantly be traveling, going to concerts, watching movies, and drinking craft beer. Never a dull day in the life of Daryl Smith. It’s not very interesting writing that I just watched the news at the gym, went to work, and then came home to watch mindless TV for the next few hours. Who the hell wants to read about that?

Some people don’t require physical relationships with friends any longer. They can get their social need through online interaction only. I am not built this way, there is still a need in me to have social experiences being in the same room with other people. Not just through the screen of my computer. You can’t really look down upon this though. It’s just the evolution of mankind. We are currently in the awkward state of transition from in person to online. There is no stopping it. You can post as much as you like about putting your phones down in social atmospheres – it’s only going to continue to be more prevalent. Is it bad? I don’t know. It’s just evolution baby.

To think that your generation was so much better because you played outside is silly. Every generation believes that they had the best music, movies, upbringing, and people. Every generation complained about the previous generation. It’s so much more in your face this time because it’s online. I attempt to keep a balance. Going out when I am feeling a bit too suffocated. Trying to keep my emotions in check while flipping through my social media sites. Nobody in the world is having a better time than certain people on my Facebook feed. You need to remember what they were like when you actually knew them in person versus this entity that they created online.

There is also the other side of the social media spectrum. The people that air all of their grievances online. Festivus for the rest of us. All of their issues and all of their venom on social media fronts. For people that do this, this is the only side that we see. People roll their eyes at you while going through their feed. Think of social media as advertising for yourself. How do you want people to portray you? Most people have a small group of friends that they see on a consistent basis. Social media is the only way to interact with 90% of people that once knew you or know you through somebody else. Bad things happen to people, and there are injustices in this world on a daily basis. Choose what you decide to post wisely. Once it’s up there, it may stay up there for good.

What I do know is that regardless of how many memes you put up about people socializing the old-fashioned way, this freight train is not going to stop. Instead of complaining about it, find a balance. What works for you? Society will not move backwards on this front. You can only control how you interact with other people. Stop focusing on the way everybody else socializes, and please for the love of Ozzy Osbourne and all things that are awesome stop re-posting pictures of things that you remember from the past. Picture of an easy-bake oven. Re-post if you remember this. I don’t give a shit!

Till next time when I post something that probably contradicts with something else that I posted in the past. This is Hosehead. Have a great week. Now, time to get ready for my trip to the Canary Islands by having a craft beer, listening to vinyl, and purchasing tickets to see Kurt Vile in Buffalo.

Sasquatches: Alive and well in Buffalo

I really like Spotify. Unfortunately I don’t like anybody else’s taste in music. So I create my own Spotify list because my musical taste is unique. Be like Daryl’s stick figure.

Over the next 5 years or so we are going to see many retailers close their doors. Here are some words of advice to people that are working at those suffering retail shops. Begin networking. It’s an extremely tough job market out there. It’s rare to find a decent job unless you know somebody on the inside.

Attempted to watch Sisters yesterday. Do Tina Fey and Amy Poehler get passes on movies based on who they are? I feel like a secret society is going to come after you if you criticize their work. I could only take about 30 min of that movie. It was awful.

Do you ever think that if people just didn’t believe in an after-life that it would solve many of the world’s issues? I bet you people don’t blow themselves up if there is no paradise in their future.

Kurt Vile is playing in Buffalo in March, but not Toronto. Here is the pros and cons. Pro – Get to see Kurt Vile. Con – Everything else.

I prefer when the Leaf fans expect their team to be decent, but end up disappointing them terribly. Listening to Joe Bowen’s heart break through a television broadcast is oddly satisfying.

Stanford Prison Experiment – 8.0/10

If I had won Lotto Max this past week I would put it all on Leonardo DiCaprio to win best actor at the Oscars.

There are many of my friends that post pictures of delicious food posts on Instagram. I may press like on the picture, but it’s more of a jealous like than anything else. You are the Tom Brady of the social media world. I respect what you have made, but that’s not going to get me any of your delicious breakfast.

One of the things that I like to tell people that have cable still is that you will no longer watch as much TV when you have to constantly think about what to watch. You feel great about not wasting time watching some Harry Potter movie that you have watched parts of on 7 different occasions. Instead, I can scroll through my Facebook feed and see why I should be like Bob. Damn it!

Sara and I ventured to Toronto yesterday to go to the Travel show. Sara tried to convince me throughout the day that we were there for other reasons other than trying to win a trip. We were there just to win a trip.

This year is the 10th anniversary of being diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis. You get no anniversary present Mr. Colitis because you are a pain in the a** (pun intended)!

I really enjoy Spotify. Except when I am in the zone with an album, and a commercial comes on with some pop-punk music with people falling off skateboards. It’s only a matter of time before “Ow my balls” becomes a real show.

Top 3 things that happened during my winter camping experience that made me realize that winter camping wasn’t for me.

3 – With 2 miles left before the shelter I laid down on some snowmobile tracks and said that I could go no further.
2 – Mistaking many trees for the heads of bears, and yelling get out of here bear to a piece of wood.
1 – Hearing sasquatch communicating calls during the night. As we all know, sasquatches are deceptively sneaky.

It would be terrible being a doctor in 1800’s. I feel like you were just taking a guess nearly every time you saw something that you hadn’t seen before. I guess if you hadn’t seen it before you could also just blame the devil.

Stepping on kid’s toys in the night is in the top 20 reasons why I do not wish to have children. Number one reason is that I always thought it would be good to adopt an 18 year old kid so I would have somebody to drink and play golf with when I got older. This seemed like a bad reason to have a child.

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Playing Trivial Pursuit with Leo DiCaprio at the Oscars.

DiCaprio is finally going to win his Oscar. Most people have to just act really well to win their Oscar. DiCaprio has to go through pain and torture to win his. The dude ate a real bison liver in the Revenant. If this doesn’t get the award for him, he will be considered the Pete Rose of the entertainment world. Except he did nothing wrong and makes fantastic films. Just like Pete Rose?

It’s going to be very strange when Keith Richards actually passes away. How will the internet react?

The Big Short – 9.3/10
The Revenant – 8.6/10
Star Wars – The Force Awakens – 9.1/10
Brooklyn – 8.5/10

I went into the new Star Wars with zero expectations. Expecting to have the same feeling after eating a slightly burnt piece of toast with an Our Compliments strawberry jam spread over it. But, and to my chagrin, it is excellent. Only complaint – they didn’t stray far enough away from the original storyline.

Another thing, what is the courteous amount of time that you can post spoilers online without being crucified? I think you can give it two weeks. That’s similar to getting angry at somebody for finishing the chips and dip after two weeks. “I didn’t even get any of that dip man. I had Making a Murderer all queued up. And you ate all of the dip. Sure, there are two scrapings left, but my chip broke off and now I can’t access it unless I use my finger. You ruined the night Rick. You inconsiderate bastard.”

Canadian Dollar problems? Well, maybe we shouldn’t have put the whole country’s future in the stock of oil. We should have started growing more cauliflower.

It’s not the fact that so many celebrities are passing away. It’s the amount of cool ones that are dying which is concerning.

Justin Bieber’s new album isn’t that (while sighing very loudly) bad.

This is one of the few years that I have actually watched every single best picture nominee. Each one of the films deserves to be on the shortlist. Here are my predictions.

Best Picture – Spotlight
Best Actor – Leo DiCaprio – The Revenant
Best Actress – Brie Larson – Room
Best Supporting Actor – Sylvester Stallone – Creed
Best Supporting Actress – Jennifer Jason Leigh – Hateful Eight
Best Director – Alejandro González Iñárritu – The Revanant

I felt so guilty about watching Doctor Who without Sara that I had to tell her right away. I also felt the need to buy her dinner. I then told her that she could watch Law and Order SVU anytime without me. She told me that wasn’t the same. And she was right.

My head is still spinning from watching the Green Bay/Arizona game last night. Throwing a football 65 yards off of your back foot and across your body with that type of accuracy is something that you can only appreciate if you have every played… Well anything! Do you know how fu**ing hard that is to do?

The power went out at the Aud while at the Rangers game this past Friday. People screamed right off the bat, and then the cell phones all lit up. You could have probably played the rest of the game with the light off each person’s phone. So much easier to hold up then a lit lighter as well. “How much longer is this song? My thumb has been burnt 3 times.”

Just to reiterate the point again. Listen to the new David Bowie album. Creating an album of this magnitude while battling a life threatening disease isn’t something that happens every day.

We all wish that Caesar Salad was healthier than it actually is. We mutter to ourselves that we are making the better choice. But we all know the truth. It’s the diet coke of salads.

The way that you get out of being asked to play pick-up basketball is to tell them that you don’t know how to dribble, don’t play any defence, and only shoot 3’s. If you still get asked, then you just continue to say “Game… Blouses!” after every basket regardless of who scored.

Top 3 things that are said while playing Trivial Pursuit with anybody

3 – You only know that answer because you are old.
2 – You always get the easy questions. This is bullsh**.
1 – Let’s play Monopoly and see what happens.

Adele’s fear of Black Friday, and how French Onion dip helped.

There is a weird sense of satisfaction that goes over somebody’s face when you call them a filthy animal.

Black Friday has come and gone. When you don’t work in the retail world it’s just another day. If you do work in the retail world, it’s a massacre on the senses. You get home from work and pour yourself a stiff drink. Your wife approaches you slowly. Touches you on your shoulder, you flinch slightly. She asks you how your day was, you sit in silence. You shower with your head down. Listening to Adele until the pain begins to subside. As you look up, you see the shadow of Boxing Day coming down the street. It’s about to all begin again. Then a hefty pay cheque comes. Life is good again.

I haven’t been involved in all that many pillow fights. But I remember one distinctly. Somebody put a stuffed animal in their pillow to give it more weight. Somebody got hit with the eye of the stuffed animal through the pillow case. It was my first memory of somebody using an illegal object in a match. This person wasn’t allowed any grape pop and had to be the New York Islanders in NHL 95.

Going to the afternoon movies by yourself is underrated. Especially when most of the crowd is of the older generation. Eating popcorn one by one, and sipping on their small diet coke. It was my kind of crowd.

Room – 9.5/10

One of the best movies that I have seen this year. About a girl that was abducted 7 years ago and ends up having a child. One room is all the child has ever seen. It’s also from the prospective of the child. Brie Larson should be up for a best actress nomination in my opinion.

I don’t know what’s wrong with the Green Bay Packers. It’s like trying to explain why some people like the smell of gasoline.

Top 3 things that when I am driving that make me upset that I feel bad about

1. Getting upset at an elderly person crossing the road when I am trying to turn left. You just want to pick them up and carry them to the other side.
2. Driving directly behind a city bus, and coming up to a railway track. “I have never seen a damn train ever on this track. Why are we still stopping? Just in case a two man push/pully comes through?”
3. Cyclists – I know, I know. You have no room at all in the Tri-Cities, but when you beat me to where I am going because I am in a traffic jam it upsets me.

There are many people that I have talked to that believe they could be a stand-up comedian. You just think to yourself “there is no fu**ing way.” This is the point where you want to call them out. But then you have to give them a few minutes to bumble through a fart joke. So, the lesson here is that you just agree that they could do it.

Sometimes I am selfish. There are times when I wish a band wouldn’t succeed quite as much so they will come to Kitchener for a concert.

As a species we can be dull. Constantly complaining about things that we don’t have any control over or don’t know the facts about. Never creating something for yourself. Something that you haven’t seen, heard, or read before. Just regurgitating things that you see online that are the same right wing or left wing idea that’s in your head. It’s so bloody boring.

The Maze Runner – Scorch Trials (I fell asleep with 30 min to go. This will give you an idea of the rating that it’s about to receive.) 2.9/10

If you enjoy watching movies with teenagers running for their lives – then this is a must see.

You know you are talking to a musician if they say Jimi Hendrix is overrated. You know you are talking to a musical snob if their top 5 albums are bands that you have never heard of.

I have explained why I was eating something bad to my cat once. They were giving me this look of shame when I opened a French onion dip and stuck my finger and just ate that. “There was only a bit left.”

Snowfall, starts and ends with Rick Moranis

Fruit Roll-Ups were nearly the best thing to ever get in your lunch while growing up. Everybody knew that it was terrible to have something that was made of sugar stuck to your teeth for 3 hours after eating it, but they were so delicious.

Fell down the stairs today at 6am getting ready to go to the gym. It’s always humorous to me after falling down the stairs. You give yourself about 10 seconds to make sure that you are not seriously injured by making the Peter Griffin noises when he gets hit with something in the knee.

First snowfall is always pretty to look at. Until you hear that familiar sound of the scraper against the window. They should make a Canadian horror movie with that as part of the soundtrack. The man that couldn’t get his windshield clean, starring Rick Moranis.

I am buying a PS4 at some point in the near future. I really do miss video games. I miss creating my own character in baseball, and having the most beautiful mustache in the major leagues.

There is always that kid in gym class that had the ugliest of running styles, but was super quick. He was also the same kid that was just a bit too intense at floor hockey time. “Dude, just relax, don’t take slap-shots from 4 feet away.”

Danny Collins – 7.7/10
Hunger Games: Mockingjay – 7.9/10

Does anybody actually enjoy card tricks? It doesn’t happen very often to me, but when somebody approaches looking to do a card trick there is no way out. It’s not just the trick that usually sucks. It’s the small-talk that you have to make after. Where do you go with the conversation after? You can’t ask them how they did it. And you know nothing about them. “So… Do you like stuff?”

Last night was our holiday party. Great time, wonderful food, amazing people. They provided the over the limit service as well. My car was driven home for me. Not sure there is a better service than this. There is nothing worse than leaving your car at Modean’s Roadhouse for the night, and having to take that walk of shame the next morning to get it. Walking down the sidewalk of sorrow as you approach the house that Pick built.

Are there people that drink champagne on a regular basis? Seems like the cap exploding off of the bottle would be a weird sound to hear while watching Pawn Stars.

If there is ever a time that you need to look important. Walk very quickly with the cell phone up to your ear looking for signal. Ha, Ha, Ha, Business!

Crocs are still the worst. It’s a mix of a shoe, a rubber boot, and your dignity.

As a younger lad there was never a challenge that I took to heart more than being asked to make a mixed disc for somebody. It was very similar to filling out a lineup for a baseball team. Numbers 3 and 4 were always the heavy hitters, and the leadoff was always to get the blood going. If you have never felt these things while making a mixed disc – you probably like shitty music.

Books sometimes have it tough. There is just too much competition in the average household. Internet, TV, and video games make it a goliath type triumph if a book gets to be finished. But there is something about being submersed into a fantastic book. I am going to the library right now…. And I have $32.00 in late fees…. This is the vicious cycle of picking your entertainment.

I am starting to see friends on Facebook that you can tell are beginning to develop into crusty old people. There is always something to complain about. It’s almost like they like bad things happening; because they need something to complain about. What a tiring life that must be.

Damn landlord didn’t ice down the stairs this morning at 5am. I could have broken my damn neck. It’s their responsibility to get things like that taken care of. I should dock $50.00 from my rent for the hassle that I had to go through. This is very exhausting.

Happy Sunday! Packers play the Vikings today in an epic Smith versus Dhooma rivalry. There is usually no victor when these matchups happen. The Packers win, and Sara tells me to do the laundry.

Joe Buck and his wonderful day in upstate New York with Alcides Escobar

The Jays are out. It was a heartbreaking defeat. They were beat by the better team. Unfortunately in playoff baseball you can’t live and die by the long ball. And that’s exactly what they tried to do. Situational hitting is a must at this level. Jose Bautista tried to will the team to victory with home run after home run in big spots. This team would be long gone if it wasn’t for his efforts.

Top 3 things Fox announcers are doing after the Royals put out the Jays.

1. Joe Buck is going for a nice evening with Alcides Escobar in the wine region of New York. They will reminisce on his brilliant over-reactions to seeing-eye singles while riding side by side on horseback. It will just be a superb day.
2. Harold Reynolds will go back to staring at the wall until the next game starts.
3. Fox has announced that each fan in the outfield must grow an Amish beard as a salute to a great American hero.

It’s amusing to look at all the Facebook posts after the election took place. Every PC backer talks about money, and, well, that’s it. Every NDP backer says, well at least it’s not Harper. And the rest of the world is talking about how gorgeous Justin is.

There was never really a time that I enjoyed going to gym class less then when we had to learn how to line dance. There were 2 – 1 hour sessions of my life that I will never get back. And that fact that I know how to line dance a bit is a feeling I will have to live with the rest of my life.

Pizza Pops did quite of damage to me as a child. There was nothing you could do once that pizza goo was in your mouth and it was 300 degrees Celsius. You were done. You tried to create saliva as fast as possible, but you ended up just getting burning hot pizza goo onto your chin. Thinking back now – why didn’t I use a knife and fork?

All the years of golf that I have played, and I have never bagged myself trying to hit a golf ball in between two trees.

I was a goaltender in hockey when I was growing up. That’s all, I thought I would just bring that up. Oh, and I was bagged a lot then.

Why weren’t clear braces made up until a decade ago? It was bad enough that I had to wear pieces of metal in my mouth, but did you have to make it look like my mouth was part of a Terminator movie?

When you looked in somebody’s fridge growing up there was always two jugs of things that looked like orange juice. One was Tang and one was actually orange juice. I never thought to open it up to smell it; so I always just picked the one that had the most unnatural orange colour. I think that I ran a 98% mark of getting Tang. After thinking about this now, that wasn’t all that impressive.

One of these days I would like to complain about the rain; because I just had the car washed.