Hacksaw Jim Duggan and his Service Ontario Story

I have started a new job, it is a completely different life working from a desk and not having to deal with the general public. Also 9-5, Monday-Friday isn’t bad (hands behind head, feet up, basking in sun.)

If you would like to have a mixture of transportation back to the 90’s and shockwaves of remembrance of the movie American Pie – go to see Treble Charger play. It was like being in a mediocre time-machine.

If you have not gone to see the beer exhibit at the Museum on Homer Watson in Kitchener and are a fan of beer do it. Do it now. Halfway through the exhibit your mouth starts to water, and your car cannot drive fast enough to a local brewery. They give you a fantastic background of the history of beer in the tri-city area. I started drinking OV again and grew a ‘80s mustache within 26 seconds.

Sara and I have decided that we will not rub any contest wins in people’s faces on Facebook. I won $500.00 last week for tweeting about my favourite small business. Blogs were not included in this agreement.

We were gracious recipients of free Tragically Hip tickets from a couple of great people for their Monday show at the Aud. It was nearly a perfect Hip concert for me. Played everything from about ’97 and before. Gord Downey is a very strange man. There isn’t a drug that makes people dance quite like that.

I want to be involved in one of those strange car chases from the late ‘70s. You know the ones with the giant boats flying around corners, fish tailing, with no one ever really catching up to the other person. Well it looks like they are catching up, but the next scene they are still the same distance behind.

There are very few jobs that you couldn’t tell people about. And wouldn’t know if you were proud or not proud to be in. Porn star is one of them.

We are thinking about joining a gym. What’s important to me about a gym? That they have a TV at the treadmill that plays sports or science fiction with closed captioning. That is all. Oh, and no grunting please.

The Missing is a brilliant British TV show about a child that gets abducted from a very public area, and the father is trying to piece together the case years later. Everything is excellent in this show. Give it a watch. 8.8/10

With certain people’s opinions about shows you should be able to stop them before they even begin to speak. Or something shocks their brain when they begin to give their opinion if they have watched every one of the Transformers or Twilight movies.

In the ‘80s the true American Hero was a dude that carried a two-by four of wood that had either had brain damage or had an extremely low IQ. He used to wave his two-by-four yelling “ohhhhhh.” This was who we identified America with. Happy 4th of July to our neighbors from the south.

hacksaw-jim-duggan

Many people have told me that they didn’t celebrate Canada Day because of the bills that have been passed recently. I don’t celebrate Canada Day because of our Government. I celebrate it because of the people that live within the country. That, and I like to eat and drink.

The most dangerous time to talk to a person and asking for a response, is when they have mouthwash in their mouth. Drink it, bad. Spit it out, bad. Allow a small amount to go down your chin, bad.

There is not an area in the city of Kitchener on Saturday morning that have people standing in line that look angrier than the Service Ontario line. These people are on the edge of a freak out episode. This is the main reason driver’s license pictures always look like prison pictures.

Top 3 nerve racking moments behind the wheel of a car that aren’t actually that dangerous of a situation, but we slow down anyways.

1. Plastic bag flopping through the air towards you like a bat out of hell
2. People in the next lane driving the exact same speed as you
3. Person off the side of the road with their four ways on urinating

Don’t ever use the words “hungry” for a joke if the person is from the country Hungary. It will never work. And you will look like a foolish man or woman with beef noodle soup running down your face.

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Eating Balogna after Throwing a Gem in Kincardine

We have installed an air conditioner into our tiny abode.  It releases air that is cold to keep you from melting.

Avengers “Age of Ultron” – 7.4/10

It was exactly what you expected from the Avengers.  All action, quick wit, and the slaughtering of robots.  Nothing remarkably good or bad.

Spring – 7.1/10

This movie had a pile of potential.  Young guy goes to Italy after losing his last family member to cancer.  He backpacks, then decides to work on a farm. Falls in love with a local Italian woman that isn’t all that she seems.  Some cool dialogue and specials effects. It loses it’s luster after a while, and drags on a bit.

Steak test on the cast iron grill has been completed.  After many glasses of wine and deliberation.  I have decided that it’s excellent.

There isn’t a more disappointed look in a person’s eye than a dentist that has found out that you don’t floss as much as you should.

Years ago I bought tickets for a Built to Spill show in Toronto.  They were playing back to back nights.  I was debating which night that they would put on a better performance.  Subsequently purchased the tickets.  Put the tickets in the drawer of my desk.  As months went on my brain decided that I had bought the tickets for the other night.  I pulled the tickets out of the desk drawer and noticed that the concert had started one hour ago, and I was in Kitchener.  Built to Spill was devastated by the news that they vowed to never release an album or come to Canada ever again.  Until now!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LnRf61r5I64

Once again we were blown away by the service at Kacaba winery.  They not only allowed us to try every single wine that has ever been made.  They allowed us to use their barbeque to cook up a tasty lunch.  If you haven’t been there yet, then you are an idiot.

The Toronto Bluejays are as mediocre as a bowl of oatmeal with stale raisins.

I finally received the OK from Sara to put up my no-hitter ball which is placed in a case.  She doesn’t realize the amount of stress that goes into a class “d” ball no-hitter.  Having the six fans standing in awe over your final 56 MPH fastball.  Dripping sweat off of the uneven mound of the Kincardine ball field.  Capturing the umpire’s extraordinarily large strike zone.  It all came together on one magical evening.  Many people ask how I felt after throwing the gem.  I felt great, great and sore.

Why would you ever leave One Direction as a teenage boy?  I really can’t think of a better profession.  This has a Gob Bluthe terrible mistake quote written all over it.

I tried to watch a Star Wars movie on May the 4th.  I like to engage in all things nerdy.  It’s just, the Star Wars movies aren’t worth my bandwidth.

It would probably get a bit boring walking down the railroad tracks with nowhere to go.  It would seem exciting at the start, but the stick with all of your possessions in a handkerchief could only last you so long.  You should use a backpack.

Niagara Falls Comic Con is coming up.  I really like the guest list that they have there.  Actually mainly I just want to meet former wrestlers.  Nikolai Volkov, The Iron Shiek, and King Kong Bundy.  Would I take a Bundy splash, and pay money for it?  Yes!

We drove through Dashwood recently.  One of the few things that I remember about Dashwood is that when they played ball against us that they wore jeans.  That, and they were terrible.

Why do people use extravagant words to describe something that you know that the words that they are using aren’t necessary?  You see this all the time at a concert.  People are on their cell phones, talking to friends, grabbing beers, going outside for smokes.  But when you ask them about the concert.  “It was epic.  Flawless performance.  Amazing, once in a lifetime experience.”  Your scale is broken if you rate everything 10/10.

You want to act cool after you hammer your elbow off of a wall due to taking the corner to sharp out of the kitchen.  Then your wife asks if you are alright.  You play it cool.  You are just mad at the wall.  You might even blame her for moving something in the vicinity to throw off your route.

The day has come that we have to stop talking about bacon.  The marketing industry has caught on.  Everything is marketed towards bacon.  Bacon on the outside of the crust on a pizza?  I am on to bologna…. And I am back to bacon.  Bologna is terrible.